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12/4 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Watch it smirky. It’s a small step from Elf on the Shelf to Snitch in the Ditch.

Some weather we’re having, eh?

The Texas teams gave the rest of the league the Fluprint on how to beat the Patriots!

These non Styrofoam Dunkin Donuts cups aren’t very good at keeping coffee hot.

Bruins wins over Montreal just feel better.

With his career .500 record as BC Head Coach, now Addazio is eligible for the Patriots Hall of Fame, right Big Tuna honks?

Underestimate this Celtics squad at your peril.

News Item: David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, & others to be inducted into Red Sox Hall of Fame in 2020. I hope they don’t accidentally induct Papi’s lookalike best friend Sixto by mistake!

Flipz, those chocolate covered pretzel treats? IMO, they missed an opportunity to have Benicio del Toro be a spokesman for them back in 1995.

It was only three months ago, why are people pretending AB was cut for using a shrimp fork to eat the salad course?

Cakes are cooking for Wink Martindale, Lee Smith, and Jay-Z.

So that Peleton exercise bike commercial…what’s up with that?

And speaking of bicycles, whoever promises to paint over the bike lanes like Kramer did the lane dividers on the Arthur Burkhardt Expressway will be the next Mayor of Boston.

I call the Carolina Hurricanes the WhalerCanes! Not really.

Good job, good effort, Michigan Wolverines.

I’m already sick of turkey leftovers. There; I said it.

Farewell and good luck, Sandy Leon.

Another Groundhog Day meets Memento huge Patriots fan response to a loss.

The beard doesn’t make James Harden less likable, but it sure doesn’t help.

You’re better than that, Needham and Wellsley.

There’s an ‘Ask Jerry’ segment on NESN where Jerry Remy dispenses life advice? Wait; what?

The thought of pond hockey just makes my weak ankles ache.

What’s to say De Niro’s character in The Irishman didn’t always beat up grocers like an old man?

“Watch out for black ice” is a phrase they must stress has to be enunciated very carefully in TV meteorologist school.

Eagles are acting like Billy Crystal when asked about Mr. Saturday Night 2.

What’s this I hear about Lucy leaving WEEI to spend more time with another woman’s family?

Tinsel, of course is a contraction of ‘tin icicle.’

Honk if you remember Callahan’s Steak House in Newton Highlands.

200 NHL goals for Krejci. Pretty neat.

Why were C’s fans focused on Kyrie Irving, Jaylen? Maybe because you played his new team twice within 3 days, and he sat out both games with an earache or a hysterical pregnancy or some such nonsense?

Tree looks great! Little full. Lotta sap.

Kids today have no idea of the frustration when turning on the radio to hear if school was cancelled due to snow and finding that the list was on the alphabetically next letter.

Best bet for the weekend: Mahomesophobia returns.

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BJBSJ Merch: Cyber Monday Dealz Are Here

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The best upper body coverage in the business.

Fuzzy as a tennis ball and warm as room temperature IQ. Safety pins sold separately.

$50 $150

Не пей воду
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11/27 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

SKWANTOE!!! DEAD FISH PLANT WIT CORN SEEDES??? WHAT IS THE REASONING!?!?!?!?

Huit contre un? Sacre moo!

So, did the NFL tell the Cowboys that they shouldn’t have called the tripping, or, that they weren’t penalties? Because those are two different things.

Dame Fashion says denim suits come back into vogue in 2020.

Woo Sox. Woo Sox? Woo Sox.

Someone should ask Coach Bill if it’s always smart to have recency bias in the NFL.

I wonder why Upton Bell doesn’t correct his friend Bootleg Barnacle when the latter mentions shopping recently at long-closed retail establishments. Isn’t he concerned about his chum’s mental acuity?

Kyrie. No profiles in courage there.

The ‘this is what happens if you try to deep fry a frozen turkey’ warning videos are better than the ‘dangers of fireworks’ warning videos.

Cakes are cooking for Manolo Blahnik, William Fichtner, and Adam Archuleta.

No shame in losing your first game so far to last year’s champs, UMass.

Maybe Patrick Mahomes should announce he now fully identifies as a Fraggle to earn back some of the attention Lamar Jackson pilfered from him.

I wonder if they listen to Alice’s Restaurant on Thanksgiving at Gerry’s.

B’s sign Coyle & Wagner to multi-year extensions? Why not?

I liked things better when nostalgia wasn’t as prevalent.

The Woo Sox are so going to have a Ric Flair Night, aren’t they?

Excited to see how the Patriots play in decent weather with Wynn and a reconstituted receiving corps.

Plymouth Rock is underwhelming. There, I said it.

This is probably the last Thanksgiving you can show up with a carton of menthols in a single use plastic bag as your hostess gift.

Well played, Stephen F. Austin.

Beagles really can’t be trained to expertly butter toast, no matter what that Charlie Brown special implied.

Del, what are you doing here? You said you were going home, what are you doing here?

Get well soon Kemba…, wait, he’s playing? Good. Never mind.

Honk if you remember Costello.

Running backs are fun, they are not fungible.

To be fair, I think that Samurai Johnson guy learned to speak English by watching Don Rickles YouTube clips.

Can’t handle the heat, cupcake?

So are the people who put up the hand-lettered flyers looking to buy diabetic test strips the same people who buy houses?

Best bet for the weekend: turkey tetrazzini.

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11/20 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

So dark. So early. April is not the cruelest month.

Well actually, *I* look tired and frustrated.

Great time to be a Boston sports fan. You’re gonna get sick of all the winning! Not literally; that would be weird.

Bet this Frozen II, The Refreezing movie does well.

I liked it better when I could read something written by Tom E. Curran about Tom Brady without seeing Tom Senior’s grubby fingerprints all over it.

An entirely healthy Celtics team would make a nice Christmas present.

You put an everything bagel in the bag, that makes them all everything bagels!

Cakes are cooking for Norman Greenbaum, Bo Derek, JD Drew, and Sen Dog.

Kicking Lane Johnson when he’s down *is* having fun. Sorrey!

Jimmie Johnson to retire? See what you did Mike Lynch!?

The phrase phrenology surrounding Brady’s pressers and radio show call ins is literally exhausting.

Grezlcyk? That can’t be right. (checks) well I’ll be.

But why would the newspaper owned by Red Sox ownership employ as their head NFL writer someone so antagonistic to Patriots fans and oh now I hear it.

Is the Herald still going to re-run Gerry’s Thanksgiving column next week?

Shank pivoting to scribble out a defense of Manny Ramirez’s at the behest of JWH is roughly equivalent to the time Criqui and Cross wore Patriots team logo shirts during a preseason broadcast. Probably.

Yams? Sweet potatoes? Different?

(Trenchant observation goes here.)

ThEy OvErPaId JaYlEn BrOwN!

Cape Cod? Technically an island since the construction of the Canal. You’re welcome.

Gronk and AB aren’t coming back, are they?

No Haggs; it’s not time to worry about #37.

A ‘fall finale’? That, quite frankly, sounds made up.

The Philly Special was an illegal formation. There, I said it.

Good luck at your new job, Ben Cherington.

Honk if you remember when this column was called Clearing Out the Sports Junk Drawer.

UMass is a basketball school anyway. 5-0!

I would see the movie about the making of a ‘Julia Robets as Harriet Tubman’ movie.

Has anyone ever seen Ted Sarandis and Ambassador Sondlund at the same place at the same time? Weird!

Memba the Malice at the Palace? Memba that?

You ever touch a light bulb thinking it was a LED only to find out by burned fingertips it was an old incandescent bulb? Yeah, me neither.

Best bet for the weekend: Cowboys fans representing at Gillette.

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11/13 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Turtle Turtle.

Surprised that The Boston Globe didn’t remind everyone on Veterans Day not to thank Kyle Eckel for his service.

Bonnie and Clyde had better luck than the Bruins this season when it comes to shootouts.

The next Dez dance video thing will be the first funny one, I’m sure.

Get well soon Gordon Hayward. It was touching that Tatum as a tribute shot like he had a busted hand during the Dallas game.

Alabama may have lost at home, but cheer up, they will probably win something at the American Music Awards in two weeks. 23 total wins!

Best of luck with the San Francisco Baseball Giants Gabe Kapler.

Cakes are cooking for Chris Noth, Tracy Scoggins, and Walter Kibby.

We know what you originally wrote, Aidan. We know.

There were no signs Grapes could be a weirdo. Just the wearing clothes made out of fabrics normally found on couches at Graceland.

I hope this The Man: DeLorean show over on Disney Plus recounts his time as a designer at General Motors.

That team-released video of Coach Harbro lavishing praise on Lamar Jackson gave me a not so fresh feeling.

The MLB awards voters must be Red Sox fans what with overvalueing Mookie Betts with Golden Glove and Silver Slugger awards. Right, Dan?

What’s the word? Thunderbird!

Don’t touch Jimmy!

Meemo? Meemsy? Meemerino? Mary? Mare? Double M? Where you been? Send up a flare.

The almond Snickers Bar is better than the original.
Don’t @ me.

Gronk isn’t coming back. At all.

Know this: Dyeing your hair and (sniff) goatee Raven black won’t make Bill afraid of you, Lou.

I’m proud of you, Greater Boston for putting on a brave face and continuing doing your day to day activities even after Doyle’s Cafe closed.

Congratulations to AL Manager of the Year Rocco Baldelli, local kid made good.

In Maine, Tacko Fall turns to Tacko Winter ’bout this time of year. Ayuh.

So with this cold snap approaching I went to make a withdrawal from my daylight savings account and there was nothing in there! I’m blaming the Russians.

This Houston Astros sign-stealing story should have John W. Henry demanding draconian punishment like a sainted Mara Family member. But to do so would, by extension, help who he perceives to be his team’s true rival, the Patriots. Such the dilemma.

Honk if you remember when cars had two keys, one for the doors & trunk, and another for the ignition.

Days like today are when all those bicycle lanes really pay dividends.

Only 255 days until the Summer Olympics Opening Ceremonies.

The Davis Cup is tennis, and the Ryder Cup is golf, right? Just checking.

Some eyebrow-raising Captain’s Picks for the US Ryder Cup squad.

Tell us again what a good guy John Tomase is, fellow media types. After all, a lie repeated enough becomes the truth.

Nice weather we’re having, if you’re a Tibetan Mastiff.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t add this: No one, and I mean no one, honors our military like Dale Arnold.

Best bet for the weekend; Philly fan being Philly fan.

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Chris Curtis, Fishing off the Company Pier.

Most of society rightfully thought sports talk radio was filled with below average looking guys who couldn’t get laid in a whore house.

But have we got news for you. WEEI, while not having ratings, definitely is filled with something.

That something you ask?

Adultery.

Allegedly.

Any way you slice it, it’s a bad look. We at BJBSJ are sure that this was all vetted by the Entercom employee handbook. But setting aside the fringe issues of employees striking up sexual relationships with subordinates, the larger issue has to be discussed.

Curtis, you emancipated dog, you. Way to step up your game fella!

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11/6 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

SSBN-636 USS Nathaniel Greene.
An OK Boomer.

Trust me; having lived through it the first time, you didn’t want the Patriots to be undefeated going into the playoffs. It. Was. Exhausting.

It’s ok to admit that Tuukka gives up too many soft goals in the second of back-to-back games against hated rivals two days after Patriots losses. It is!

I’m starting to think Gordon Hayward wasn’t the problem last year.

Stick around another year JD, Red Sox could use your batting skill.

Those x cross section coffee stirrers at Cumberland Farms don’t work well. At all.

Oh my goodness: did you see there was a CAT on the football field! How did it even GET there?!?

Celtics really let 98.5 down by winning the other night.

Bruins needed to save some non-overturnable goals from Monday to Tuesday!

Jimmy Garoppolo the person, I don’t know. Jimmy Garoppolo the player, I don’t mind. But Jimmy Garoppolo the cudgel to deploy against Bill the GM, I can’t stand.

Cakes are cooking for Peter DeLuise, Ethan Hawke, and Zoe McLellan.

It’s too bad Alex Rodriguez was on the broadcast team for the World Series, because you know he wanted to interrupt Game Seven with an announcement that he and JLo eloped.

The General car insurance commercials really lost something when they dropped the penguin sidekick. There; I said it.

We only have to endure three more weeks of NFL coaching staffs costumed like they’re assaulting the Empire’s shield generator on the Forest Moon of Endor.

‘Load management’ sounds like a term that originated in the adult film industry.

Get well soon, fella who faceplanted into the ice whose name escapes me right now.

If Deadspin still existed, they all could have written about Nationals catcher Kurt Suzuki callously wearing a MAGA hat. And would have. Alas.

I don’t care what the view counter shows, only 50 people are going to read this article. Fifty!

This just in: Liberty just scored another touchdown on UMass.

That ‘Everybody Needs Somebody To Love’ Amazon ad? No. Just no.

College hoops are back, baby!

Ford vs Ferrari? Sounds like a mismatch. I may have to see it to find out what happened.

Brown eggs are local eggs, and local eggs are brown.

Good for you Andy Gresh.

Honk if you remember Robert Plant asking ‘Does anybody remember laughter?’

Oh, and sorry this wasn’t ready to be published earlier. I blame the switch back to Standard Time from Idiotic Pretend Time.

Shirl’s latest column earns two hot peppers.

Dwight Evans belongs in Cooperstown, even if weirdo Bill James thinks so, too.

I have grave concerns about the fading possibilities of Peter King’s Fairness Bowl.

Best bet for the weekend: visits to the turkey farm.

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SZN of Choice: The Players or The Radio Men

Ever since he was traded from football purgatory also known as the Detroit Lions in the middle of the 2016 season, Kyle Van Noy has certainly made a name for himself as a Patriot. Not only has he become one of the most dependable defensive players, he’s also become a fan favorite. One of the pivotal reasons for this is his willingness to go after the mediots, both local and national, for things they say about them. Some folks may confuse this act for being sensitive to criticism, but you can’t react to something that isn’t said about you, especially when you’re in the public eye.

And that brings us to why I’ve gathered you all here today. Criticizing an athlete for not living up to expectations (either perceived or not) is fine, as long as it is done in a respectful manner. But when you go on a radio show where your ONLY objective is to troll your audience (some of which actually like that, Sideshow Bob groan here) and start assassinating the character of a person who have NEVER MET IN PERSON, you are a hypocrite and a disgusting, vile sack of crap. Enter Felger & Mazz on 98.5. Both of them have seemingly attacked KVN on multiple occasions ever since he arrived in Foxboro.

Naturally Van Noy got word of these comments being made about him, and he responded. Not once, but twice.

15 minute mark here.

He also went on First Take with Sony Michel after the Super Bowl to defend his team and his QB from award-winning hater extraordinaire and former fake boxer/rapper Max Kellerman.

Which then prompted Mr. Sensitivity Rich Teeth to call KVN sensitive for going on a show. Make that make sense.

But that apparently hasn’t been enough to stop the attacks on him. Watch what happened just 2 weeks ago!

Oh, and the vitrol isn’t limited to Van Noy. And the person doling it out isn’t limited to Tweedle Doo and Tweedle Dumb. “Big fan” (who also blocks anyone on Twitter for even breathing a disagreement) Gym Murray also participates in the pile on.

The most miserable clowns on the face of the earth. THEY are what runs this town. Well, let me show you some examples of the kind of people they are talking about.

Back to Van Noy. Kyle and wife Marissa are both co-founders of the Van Noy Valor Foundation, which, according to their website, “encourages personal valor in the lives of adopted children, those in foster care and disadvantaged youth by armoring them with success through resources, mentors and opportunities.”

Because of this commitment to giving back to the community, Van Noy was recognized by the Patriots by giving him the 2019 Ron Burton Community Service Award.

And if you’re one of those people who think like the above lemmings, let this video give you a clue on how respected and adored he is here.

So now, ladies and gents, with all of this evidence at your disposal and the tale of the tape rolled out….

Which side are you on? Who ya got? Athletes who not only give it their all on the field for your favorite football team but give their all to the towns in which they play by providing help and services that would be otherwise non-existent, or tattooed bald eunuchs, fat slobs who gamble and claim they play tennis, and old white men who cover themselves in napkins in 60 degree weather?

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Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 10/30

Scary.

Congratulations to the 2019 World Series Champion Houston Astros Washington Nationals.

I’ve got sports seasonal overlap disorder, and its a good thing.

Nick Chubb? He’s a (sniff) cute little RB2.

Looks like the Celtics are better than game one indicated.

Pasta The Great Kid playing like The Great One.

The BSJ Mike Loyko investigation is now officially a cold case.

Aloha means ‘goodbye’, Other Bennett Brother. Aloha.

Welcome to Boston, Chaim Bloom. Figure out how to keep Mookie.

Whither Deadspin?

Peter King’s stubborn refusal to understand the NFL’s scheduling system is utterly exasperating.

Can’t wait to see that ‘Not dissimilar to actual events’ Midway movie.

Not being from around here, Sanu gets a pass from me for the ‘Beantown’ cleats.

Tiger Woods is still good at golf.

Coach Flores may not last the season in Miami.

You can’t tell me CBS is still airing episodes of ‘Madam President’.

Cakes are cooking for Henry Winkler, Timothy B. Schmit, and Nastia Liukin.

There’s going to be lots of disappointed kids out there trick or treating with no NECCO Wafers to be had.

That Mike Nugent Pats jersey was probably a bad investment.

Someday I’d like to be as good at something as people think Joe Buck is at his job.

Hood Eggnog in the stores already.

I hear tell the Ravens are decidedly not afraid to play you.

Honk if you remember Mindy McCready.

Well UMass, there’s always the hockey team.

300 wins for Coach Bill Belichick. Quite the accomplishments. When does he pass Parcells on the list?

Robert Evans, you led quite a life. RIP.

Hey dummy; your obvious burner account is an obvious burner account.

Best bet for the weekend: putting the storm windows up.

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BJBSJ Takes A Stand: Pay College Athletes Now!

D-1 Tennis Stars deserve a living wage

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