Citation: Colonel Gerry Callahan, United States Microphone Corps, distinguished himself by actions above and beyond the call of duty on 3 October 2018, while serving as a Radio Sniper, United States Microphone Special Board Operations Command with Task Force Maggot in Brighton, Massachusetts.
Colonel Callahan’s radio sniper team provided precision fire takes from the lead microphone during an assault on listener ears by a libtard caller all the while subjected to intense automatic caller ID masking software and without the aid of a dump button.
When Colonel Callahan learned that additional reinforcements were not immediately available to secure his tenuously held position, he and another radio radio sniper unhesitatingly volunteered to gang up on the caller, shouting him down and demand that he answer the binary and reductive question in a “yes or no” manner. He did all of this despite being well aware of the growing number of enemy radio personnel closing in on his ratings, even when you add in the Providence numbers.
After learning that his former partner requested insertion to his location, Colonel Callahan unhesitatingly signed a confession statement agreeing to not talk badly about the enemy, bravely sending his former partner to exile on the gitmo.com app. Equipped only with a mass of wild contradictions and a Whiny Baby Voice, Colonel Callahan fought his way through the winter ratings book; finishing as the second highest rated sports radio morning drive radio show in Boston. Colonel Callahan’s extraordinary heroism and devotion to duty were in keeping with the highest standards of radio service and reflect great credit upon him, his unit and the United States Microphone Corps.
He is hereby promoted, effective immediately, to Brevet Postmaster General.
(Report provided by Mike on Route 1)