BJBSJ has obtained an advanced copy of the script for Agenda Free Friday’s Felcher and Mazz show, to be performed live after Round 1 of the NFL Draft. As always, I’m doing this so you won’t have to.
(A friendly reminder: Magician Bearded Lou Merloni will have the exact same take as Felcher on Monday, sprinkled with a few more FCC-friendly yet completely edgy obscenities to make it fresh.)
These are Felcher and MazzLibs:
FADE FROM BLACK: Int. of Town Fair Tire Studios, Day
FELCHER, wearing Nana’s glasses and freshly ironed napkins, courtesy of Charred Finn: What are they doing down there, Tony? They take their first pick, and then they __________ ? The _______ of ______ and _________. It is. It is.
MENSA MAZZ, gesticulating wildly: <Fill in answers for FELCHER> You’re absolutely right, Mike!
LARGE GYMNASIUM, wearing sunglasses indoors, a scally cap, and sweet tats: I hope ___________ Treats Himself and outlives his children!
FELCHER: It’s just _________ down there, Tony. I’m concerned about The Player. He wasn’t even on __________’s draft board! PFF has him gave him a <number between 0.0 and 7,134>.
MENSA MAZZ, staring at the ceiling: You’re absolutely right, Mike! I think he really ________ his ________ this time!
LARGE GYM: They had better serve Heinz ketchup at the luncheon after his kid’s funeral, or I’m going to rant about The Corpse in my next YouTube-clusive!
JAMES STEWART: Here, kitty kitty!
Our long commercial free segment is next.