Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 9/25

Sure. Ok. Whatever. But Fall doesn’t begin until Bills fans ‘fall’ through tables.

It’s almost like the Dana Jacobson “staredown” nontroversy was an excuse for media to take a figurative swing at Coach Bill.

And yes, those are “sneer quotes” above.

But hey, congrats to Dana on her impending nuptials to Sean Grande. IDK about letting him write his own vows, though.

And don’t let Wyc run through the reception with a flag. It’s been done.

Get well soon Mookie. Gonna need you here healthy for the 2020 MLB Season. What?

A lot of people think ‘AB’ stands for Assault Brown, when it actually stands for Armalite Brown. You’re welcome.

Three meatheads shouting ‘doneski’ for 4 hours. That’s a show!

These Cumberland Farms coffee stirrers don’t work very well. At all.

This just in; Lou Merloni believes Theo Epstein to be ‘overrated’. This also just in; no one has ever considered Lou Merloni to be overrated.

We need that pretend NY tough guy, name-changing weirdo blowhard to release the full phone transcripts. We need to know what Parcells was saying on the WATS line back in January 1997. What; who did you think I was talking about?

David Krejci has a reported lower body injury? That could be serious, the lower body is approximately 50% of a player’s total body.

Tom Brady has never won the AFC Special Teams Player of the Week, either.

82-80 here we come? T & P to Carrabas.

Has Mittens Volin been sending unanswered dick pics to QB/QT Jacoby Brissett? We’re just asking the question, reader.

Offered without comment: Kyrie Irving took an elbow to the face Tuesday during a morning pickup game.

Do people remember how for a time after the introduction of the designated hitter but before interleague play there were baseball players who were seen as more AL type players than NL type players? Well Steve Buckley is a BSJ writer working for The Athletic.

Wicked excited to finally get my Minihane Show Inside References Decoder Ring in the mail in four to six weeks!

Losing at home to BC is no way to get back on Belichick’s radar, Rutgers.

Cakes are cooking for Jimmy Sturr, Scottie Pippin and Brigette Wilson-Sampras.

Also there’s leftover cake in the break room from the September 18th birthdays of Rick Pitino, Lance Armstrong, and Xzibit.

Yeah, I have no idea why the last Junk Drawer column came out on a Tuesday. Such that it was, The Journal and I regret the error.

We fought two wars for the linguistic right not to call Rotaries, “roundabouts”. For shame, Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Also, it’s not bad form to use your blinker to signal you intent of where you a exiting a rotary.

All I can hear in my head while seeing endless Bluff City Law promos is the late Ron Silver intoning ,”Her Father, is a Memphis attorney!

I like the idea that Bill the GM snuck Antonio Brown into Foxboro without Kraft’s knowledge, like hiding people in the trunk when you went to the Drive-In.

I can’t find Cat Detective on my CBS Fall Schedule anywhere. Is it a midseason replacement?

‘Hunter Biden’ sounds like an SEC quarterback name.

I’m going to make a confession; I have no idea whether the WNBA Mystics play in Washington State, or the District of Columbia. But great work making the Finals again, ladies.

Honk if you remember mimeographs.

I want some hyperlocal jokes about the Orange Line from Fitzy. And I probably want them right away.

Dachshund. A dog, and a shibboleth.

I wish someone would let me know how many injured NFL players per team are eligible to return from the IR.

The Head of the Charles Regatta can’t get here soon enough for my tastes.

Best bet for the weekend: the singing of “The Folding Table Repairman’s Hymn” in the Greater Buffalo Area.

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Author: scartsybjbsj

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