3/11/2020 Cleaning Out The Sports Junk Drawer

I’m ready, COVID-19.

Everyone who participated in promulgating baseless Tom Brady speculation deserves to be placed in one of those good old-fashioned Puritan public humiliation & punishment devices. The pillory for those who were wrong, & the stocks for those who guessed right.

Your Boston Bruins first to 500 posts 100 points!

Curtailed locker room access? Oh noes! Let’s remember the real victim here, as always, is the sports media.

News Item: Numerous Saint Patrick Day parades cancelled due to COVID-19 concerns. And after the Irish graciously conceded all those transcontinental railroad construction jobs to the Chinese, this is the thanks they get?

Celtics tough out a Pacers comeback, hold on for the win, and earn an Eastern Conference Playoff spot. Like to see it.

I’m hearing whispers that good seats are still available for many games at Fenway Park.

Are you listening to the Entitled Town podcast? Well, you should.

I hope that Empty Seats Galore Twitter account guy doesn’t contract the virus and thus can’t post; that would be a Twilight Zone-esque darkly ironic twist.

Cakes are cooking for Lisa Loeb, Johnny Knoxville, and Anthony Davis.

Get well soon, Craig Mustard.

With regard to the recent stock market volatility, Old Friend Chief said it best back during the financial crisis: “if I’m going to lose half my 401k I should at least get a divorce out of it.”

Hey JWH, you probably shouldn’t read too much into Linda saying how attractive Suzy Welch looks nowadays.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t mention that Henri ‘Pocket Rocket’ Richard died. He died.

You could say that by washing your hands for the correct amount of time you are Kung Flu Fighting!. But you shouldn’t.

Which gets cleared up first: MLB’s Red Sox investigation, “Spygate 2”, or LoyKKKoGate over to the BSJ?

Peebs have had quite a streak. Lordy!

This reminds me of that Will Smith movie where almost everyone dies except for a few immunes and the rest that instead turn into poorly-rendered CGI monsters.

Where’s my 2020 Red Sox Media Guide?

Remember, gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is: ‘ No interest is good unless it must vest, if at all, not later than twenty-one years after some life in being at the creation of the interest.’

Nothing says springtime like enjoying a Sam Adams Boston Lager at a hyperlocal Legal Seafood.

Get well sooner, Fred Toucher.

Nice to see that boxing is still fractionally more popular than unboxing. Now get off my lawn.

The North American Brotherhood of Doorknob Lickers has yet to cancel their convention at the Crowne Plaza. FWIW.

Dale Arnold needs to stop cussing. What the he%k! There: I said it.

I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees. I never married but Ohio don’t remember me.

Fun fact: ESPN’S Rachel Nichols and actress Rachel Nichols have met up every two months to exchange mis-addressed fan mail since 2011.

Honk if you remember the McDLT.

Tuukka Rask. Two U’s, two K’s, thirty-three years, zero goals on his birthday last night.

Best bet for the weekend Red Sox fans booing those cheating Astros at the Spring Training game.

“The answer to anyone who talks about the surplus population is to ask him, whether he is part of the surplus population; or if not, how he knows he is not.”  – G.K. Chersterton.

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Author: scartsybjbsj