Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer: Emergency Tom Brady Free Agency Edition

Thanks for the memories, kid.

Six Super Bowl Wins, an indeterminate number of SB losses, eight consecutive AFCCG appearances, lots of touchdowns, made pom-pom hats OK for guys to wear; it was a good run in New England.

Now Tom’s never going to get that coveted Patriots Practice Player of the Week Award.

I’m going to blame Robert ‘Big Jonathan’ Kraft for allowing this situation to spiral out of control.

You had literally years to wrap your brain around the possibility of Tom going elsewhere. If you didn’t accept this could happen; that’s on you. Cry.

Could this signal the long-overdue changing of the guard atop the AFC East?

Well, Actually; this is the worse Evacuation Day ever.

I want poorly Photoshopped pics of Dalton, Bridgewater and Newton in Pats unis! And I probably want them right away.

Bill the Coach and Bill the GM wasn’t going to change his philosophy about player retention based on one player, even one extraordinary player. Except Slates. Bill loves Slates.

WEEI Monday morning w/o the Tom Brady interview segment? Hoo boy!

But I was told other teams fans considered Brady a past his prime, ball-deflating, noodle-armed system quarterback. They may ask that he be sent back. Tough noogies. He’s yours now.

When do we start seeing the TikTok videos of fanz burning avocados?

In this time of social distancing, is it really safe for Bob Kraft to employ Troy Brown as a human shield?

Prop Dog Employer Tom E. was right? Blech.

Thinning the fan herd after twenty years will probably be a good thing.

Let’s don’t turn this into Diana’s funeral, okay New England?

Jarrett Stidham; He’s tall, has a big arm!

You may hear talk that the patriots were irrelevant prior to Tom Brady becoming the starting QB. Ignore it.

Everyone reading their progressions seamlessly and panicking about where Tom’s going so quickly after panicking about his leaving is almost impressive. Almost.

I hope Tom understands that if he wins elsewhere, Boston is not giving him a parade like they did for Ray Bourque.

Good thing Miguel only had to work half a day! I need to know the salary cap ramification!

This probably means Gronk isn’t coming back, either.

Hoe do you read Belichick’s statement about what Tom Brady meant to him and the team and still believe the same guy wrote that incoherent letter that Trump read?

Kraft should be made to hug every Biogen conference attendee.

Curran just sent an Edible Arrangements to Stidham’s dad. Probably.

I’ll look for you in Honolulu, San Francisco, or Ashtabula. You’re gonna have to leave me now, I know. But I’ll see you in the sky above, in the tall grass, in the ones I love. You’re gonna make me lonesome when you go.


Author: scartsybjbsj

Leave a Reply