04/01/2020 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

So d’you think they got shrunk down, or is it just a giant sack?
Same energy.

.

My Strat-O-Matic team is going to win ten in a row and get right back in the race!

Ignorant science-denying tween Ace Davis has me rooting for the Bucs. Rooting that they go 6-10! Heyoooooo!

People say Belichick has a plan, but his best player right now is a Jew, so you tell me what the hell is going on.

Arizona aquarium cleaner ingredient lady definitely poisoned her husband.

This stupid pandemic really has derailed Steve Buckley’s campaign to change the MLB logo to Tony Conigliaro.

It’s times like this where we miss Powers Boothe. He’d no doubt give us a correct accounting as to how many screamin’ Chinamen there are.

Is there an emulator program version of ‘One on One: Dr. J. vs, Larry Bird’? That was a great game.

Does Dr. Birx pull those scarves out of Lou Merloni’s sleeve before she goes out for a press briefing?

How is the “Brady doesn’t trust new receivers” narrative going to survive now that he’s on a different team with all new receivers? Is Brady just going to throw the ball away on every pass attempt until the Buccaneers bring in a former Patriots pass catcher?

Cakes are cooking for Susan Boyle, Randy Orton, Mackenzie Davis, and Logan Paul.

Can MIT graduates practice Social Distancing by standing a Smoot away from everyone else? Huh? HUH!?!

Aloha means goodbye. Aloha, Hawaii 5-O reboot.

The Masters: cancelled. Wimbledon: cancelled. But if this virus causes the Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest to be cancelled, then Peter King is made happy, and the terrorists win.

To be honest, I thought Curly Neal predeceased Meadowlark Lemon. R.I.P., Globetrotters.

Remember gang, this week’s Phrase That Pays is ‘sure as ten dimes buys you a dollar.’

I hope Blockbuster is considered an essential business. Please do the right thing and rewind those VHS tapes. Be kind!

The BJBSJ Way discourages publicly praising Mike Florio.

Are you guys watching Westworld? (spoiler) It turns out some of the main characters are actually automated.

Great Basketball Mind 1, Coronavirus 0. You go, Doris!

In a big country, dreams stay with you,l ike a lover’s voice fires the mountainside: Stay alive. So take that look out of here, it doesn’t fit you. Because it’s happened doesn’t mean you’ve been discarded. Pull up your head off the floor, come up screaming. Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted; I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered, but you can’t stay here with every single hope you had shattered.

It would be a real Mother’s Day Miracle if baseball could return by then, wouldn’t it?

Tilapia? Please. As if.

Truth be told, I’m more worried about the COVID-15 I’m packing on than the actual virus!

The little critters of nature; they don’t know they’re ugly.

Hey Governor Gina Raimondo, alabaster twat Chad Finn had ‘Knock It Off’ first.

Honk if you remember the April Fool’s Blizzard.

If you ask me, gang, there’s only one true Tiger King, and that was Sparky Lyle.

Marcus Smart will lead us through this.

Don’t answer any number from the 508 area code, Jarrett Stidham’s dad!

Sandwich stacker pickles? Three jars of them? No one in this house uses them! How?

Best bet for the weekend: gradual numb acceptance.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, #the15 and BSMW Message Board Participant ‘Coma’ were used in this column.

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Author: scartsybjbsj

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