04/08/20 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

You’ve always been the caretaker. I should know, sir.

Julius Peppers doesn’t make the NFL All Sentence Team? What are we doing here?

Congratulations to Meghan and Harry on securing employment in this economy.

Bringing baseball back is like treating the ‘vid with hydroxochloroquine and Zinc; it can’t hurt.

I hope Peanut gets to stay up to see KG inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame.

Tom Brady was interviewed by Howard Stern? Is he going to appear on Regis and Kathie Lee next?

The Head of the Charles Regatta remains scheduled as in previous years.

So to get his reputation back, does Dr. Drew have to box Jimmy Kimmel now? is that how things work?

We see where you’re going with this Brother John Harbaugh. And we don’t like it.

Cakes are cooking for Biz Markie, Lisa Guerrero, Mahzino, and Katee Sackhoff.

Did Gerry get his wife out of the country after her felony aerobics class? Where is she?

Nice to know John W. Henry can be publicly shamed into doing the right thing with his Limey footie squad, at least.

How’d you like some ice cream, Doc?

All this rain we’re supposed to get will be good for the lawn, I guess.

There’s a distinct ‘Ryan from The Office mourning over Smokey Robinson’ vibe surrounding John Prine. There, I said it.

I’m really rooting for Dale Arnold to get inside Ray Bourque. It’s on his Wikipedia.

Isn’t it just like That NERD! Bill Gates to try to score a quick buck on the drug research game?

Just you watch: now the NFL is going to do a mock draft in advance, Irsay will spill their actual pick.

Women: Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

God I wish I could sit down for a meal at Friendly’s.

And the sky is black and still now, on the hill where the angels sing. Ain’t it funny how an old broken bottle, looks just like a diamond ring. But it’s far, far from me.

Went to the grocery store wearing a bandana across my face like I planned to rob the Laramie stagecoach for Pete’s sake. I want the Old Normal back.

Tara Reid would have been fine sitting around the house smoking Tareytons and drinking boxed sauv blanc all day. Just sayin’.

I hear if you say ‘Squidneck Sal’ three times in the mirror, he appears and vouches for you.

Remember gang, this week’s Phrase That Pays is, ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.’

When will we get a 30 for 30 on Richie Gedman?

Governor Gina seems like the type to ‘accidentally’ forget the safe word.

Honk if you remember Brach’s Premium Peacock Eggs pectin jelly beans.

Come back, Meemo.

Interns, just hang together, get your story straight, and everything will be fine. HR can’t prove anything.

I looked under the shower mat. And like Nietzsche’s void, it looked back.

Best bet for the weekend; Easter Dinner Social Distancing.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, #the15 and BSMW Message Board Participant ‘Nashua Dad’ were used in this column.

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Author: scartsybjbsj

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