04/22/2020 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Vote your conscience, now until May 8th.

Not really a busy week for Boston Sports fans, right? Heh heh heh heh.

Let’s get some players in here and start winning some games.

Man I had a great ‘Kenyan wins Boston Marathon’ joke all set to go here.

Willie McDonough has a lot to answer for, but turning Duane Charles ‘Bill’ Parcells into a Paul Bunyan-like figure of myth is among the worst.

Ruth’s Chris Steak House does takeout? Well, hot damn! Support your local restaurants during this difficult time! (Boston & Waltham locations.)

There should be a Wonderlic test for media if you ask me.

The WNBA doesn’t even televise some of their games; how did they manage to get the WNBA Draft televised? I’ll retire to Bedlam.

I’m noticing a lot of laser eyed avatars on the Twitter. You know where they could use some laser eyes? The post office in Jamaica Queens, NYC! Really. Figure it out and deliver our package. Our taxes pay your salary!

My question is; Is Gronk going to get chlamydia from Tampa Bay, or is Tampa Bay going to get chlamydia from Gronk?

FYI, Michael Jordan scored 19 points and fouled out of Game 3 after his unworldly Game 2 performance against the Celtics in 1986. You’re welcome.

I just hope Gronk in Tampa Bay can be free to be himself, for gosh sakes!

A little bird told me that BJBSJ will be unveiling new “unis” some year.

If the Red Sox are going to heal the city again…I’m just saying…chop chop…

Tom Brady never bought his dad a Lexus SC400 like Michael Jordan did.

Cakes are cooking for Zarley Zalapski, Courtney Friel, Amber Heard, and Marshawn Lynch.

Taiwan Baseball? Sure.

Those aren’t new Patriots uniforms! Those are just the Color Rush uniforms promoted to primaries! Am I taking crazy pills?

I hope Kim Jong Un got to see a sneak preview of Ep 3 of The Last Dance.

Xander Bogaerts will play more games in Tampa Bay than Rob Gronkowski will. Book it.

Laying in the weeds, waiting to spring my ‘is Gronk still WWE 24/7 Champ’ joke…

Had a nice laugh at the package store, telling the clerk If I had $187.50 for every time I wore a mask into a liquor store…Good times.

Welcome back to Twitter, @WilliamPatriots .

If someone has to sell their Range Rover, shouldn’t it be a Bad Orange Man and not a Kind Orange Woman?

During this long period of self-quarantine, I bit the bullet and dyed my hair. (The Touch of Gray stuff, not the jet black shoe polish Lou favors.) Now I have an answer to the question, ‘what would I have looked like 15 years ago if I was twenty pounds heavier?’

Remember gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Cool Fun, Babe.”

I could listen to those little music interludes on NPR all day.

Ironically, Parcells would have lost interest in this Hall thing by now.

Is it weird I’m not sick of eating butternut squash every day for a month?

This will give Tom a chance to win the coveted WWE 24/7 title.

I saw the lights go out on Broadway- I watched the mighty skyline fall.
The boats were waiting at the battery, The union went on strike -They never sailed at all. They sent a carrier out from Norfolk – and picked the Yankees up for free. They said that Queens could stay, they blew the Bronx away-
and sank Manhattan out to sea…

Girls with big asses and low standards makes the world go round.

It’s a travesty that Bill Parcells isn’t in the StarKist Hall of Fame.

Why do I confuse Melissa Manchester and Maureen McGovern?

Honk if you remember Nabisco Crown Pilot Crackers.

Will the NFL now reinstate the ‘DPI rules do not apply to Rob Gronkowski’ provision to the rulebook?

The fix is in. But fight it. Do not let the latter-day Sons of Willie Mac push Parcells and his aluminumized tracksuit across the finish line.

Best bet for the weekend: Vote early, vote often. Vote the straight ‘Big Sey’ ticket for the Patriots Hall of Fame.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, TikTok, other writers, league and team sources, #the15, and BSMW Message Board Participants ‘Blinded by the Lombardis’ and ‘Miserable Fellow’ were used in this column.

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Author: scartsybjbsj

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