Overview of the Four-Phased Approach to Gradually Reopening the Sports Junk Drawer 05/20/2020

Please don’t blame this man.

Confidence is low. But we’ll have to muddle through somehow.

Someday they’re gonna ask what year did the Belmont Stakes kick off the Triple Crown of horse racing. And you are gonna know the year by heart.

I guess we’ll have to wrap ourselves in plastic or wear spacesuits if we want to see Jerry Thornton do stand-up at Quan’s Kitchen. You see it’s funny because there’s social distancing going on out there right now.

The fan free Royal Rumble was epic at BJBSJ headquarters this week. Will be streaming soon.

Not to be confused with the ‘Royle Rumble’, which is what you feel in your digestive tract after some bad eggplant.

I was cheered to see NASCAR return to historic Darlington Raceway. Could the drivers even hear the fans when they could attend? I think no.

Cakes are cooking for Mindy Cohn, Timothy Olyphant, Busta Rhymes, and Tony Stewart.

I just can’t believe the Red Sox have let down this great country like this. Unforgivable!

Hearing whispers that the Table in Boston is the next stop for Kitchen Nightmares.

Due to a recent personnel change, BJBSJ has an opening for a position on its legal team. Sorry, there is a height requirement…

Thanks ESPN for taking five weeks to promulgate the inside info that Michael Jordan held himself (and his teammates) to a very high standard, was an inveterate grudge-holder, and could occasionally invent slights to motivate himself.  Good job. Good effort.

Prince Amukamara’s contract with the Raiders: $50K signing bonus, $1.05M base salary, $87,500 Week 1 roster bonus and a cap charge of $887,500 (veteran salary benefit). Excellent value for the Raiders and a chance for Amukamara to play a prominent role in their secondary.

Call Her Daddy? Sounds kinda weird to me, no thank you.

Sometimes my mind drifts like it did in the Before Times, and I don’t even look to see if the store aisle is one way or not. Mea culpa.

Once you get past May 1 you have to put rocks around it and call it a firepit or burn it in a barrel.

Fare thee well, Jerry Stiller. But the hospital bed thumbs-up picture comes for us all.

With two starting CBs effectively taking themselves out of the player pool, the happiest person at this development has to be Logan Ryan’s agent.

People loved Ted Sarandis.

Let’s remember you guys, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘an abundance of caution.’

Well I think it’s sweet someone is taking the time on Twitter to remind Marqise Lee that Greg Bedard called him ‘a bag of crap’. Thoughtful, even.

Backtracking a couple weeks it sounds like Earl Thomas talks a way better game with a gun in his face than Steve McNair did.

The monkeys stand for honesty, Giraffes are insincere, and the elephants are kindly but they’re dumb. Orangutans are skeptical
If changes in their cages,
and the zookeeper is very fond of rum.

Milorganite! 

I swear sometimes that Kevin Cullen fellow is just making things up. There; I said it.

Rhode Island. Owning. Weep.

Please take my money Honest Sam Kennedy!

Answer: Wilt Chamberlain

Thinking Canobie Lake Park reopens before Whalom Park does. Hopefully.

Remember when some crazed Yankees fan threw a knife at Wally Joyner? What was up with that?

Sad to hear there was no cash to be had owning a candlepin bowling lanes in its Worcester birthplace.

Has anyone done the ‘Poisoned pizza? Why didn’t I think of that?’ gag about Belichick yet? Oh.

I for one do not recognize ‘Yacht Rock’ as a genre.

Honk if you remember the PawSox.

Boston should be a college football town, gosh darn it!

Best bet for the weekend: Phil & Tom vs. Tiger & Peyton.

Translation: the island is gonna be on welfare the whole winter.

material from interviews, wire services, rebroadcasts, Facebook, Instagram, other writers, league and team sources, sports agent(s), BSMW Message Board Participants ‘Laszlo Panaflex’ and ‘Miserable Fellow’, and #the15, were used in this column.

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Author: scartsybjbsj

3 thoughts on “Overview of the Four-Phased Approach to Gradually Reopening the Sports Junk Drawer 05/20/2020

  1. “People loved Ted Sarandis.” If I had a choice between Ted Saradis and Adam Jones, I’d take Ted Saradis every day. Adam Jones thinks he’s clever but he’s smarmy, unimaginative and boring. Ted Sarandis just thought he was the voice of the common man, which meant he was just clueless. I’ll take clueless over smarmy, unimaginative and boring any day!

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