06/17/2020 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Suck it, Andelmans!

We need sports back. There, I said it.

Dale listened, Keefe apologized for all of us. Are we not racist now?

If MLB doesn’t return this season, it’s time to make Brock Holt commissioner. Officially.

Wait, Jason Whitlock is working for Clay Travis now? Those two absolutely deserve each other.

They’re probably not gonna name their new NHL squad the Seattle CHAZ. More’s the pity.

Fun Fact: Swingline did not make red staplers. The Office Space crew painted it red to make it stand out. After the movie became popular, and demand for red staplers increased, Swingline started making red staplers.

Elle Duncan hasn’t gotten this much attention in a long time- Say! You don’t suppose…

The NBA’s preexisting condition is Kyrie Irving.

Cakes are cooking for George S. Clinton, Jodie Whittaker, Venus Williams, and Kendrick Lamar.

Listen to Angels of Fenway by Jim Taylor. There’s your answer baseball commish.

Covid 19 has done more damage on my liver than the 2003 Red Sox.

Decadent winds and ooey gooey seas, Dave Andelman. Gerry Callahan hasn’t taken a loss this hard since 1865.

The only Second Wave I believe in is Second Wave Feminism.

I might have once killed a deckhand for Linda Pizzuti too. There; I said it.

How is Gun Powder Springs not canceled?

Hello, gang. Remember, the Phrase that Pays this week is ‘Water up, son.’

Can someone please tell the Property Brothers to socially distance from each other?

If I needed to get an important message out and clarify something from my past, I would definitely pick the sixth place midday show, Dale and Keefe.

NFL Draft picks are slowly signing, and the #Bills just signed former #Utah RB Zack Moss to a standard four-year deal.

Don’t look now, but Kirk Minihane is fighting with fellow employees! I know!!

NASCAR Truck Series isn’t called NASTRUCK? Why not?

Real @EddieAndelman would vociferously complain about his sons getting cancelled. Fake!

A: Don Mattingly set the single-season record with six grand slams in 1987.

If I was having a catch, grilling hamburgers and hotdogs at a protest would it get shut down?

There are Oriental Premium bukkake ladies who have had less work done on their face than Sammy Sosa.

I might have this screwed up, but why did anyone even ask Kyrie what the fuck he thought about playing?

With ‘Cops’ being cancelled, I believe ‘Riverdale’ now moves into the top spot for ‘incidents of male shirtlessness per prime-time episode’.

If any of these seem weird, please alert the Junk Drawer, ASAP. Ben Allbright’s hacker might still be in the system.

Tom Brady! In a Buccaneers jersey! I’m sooo triggered! It’s like it’s real now!

Why does Chuba Hubbard hate the 1st Amendment?

Yeah? Well I drive two hours for takeout. Take that Dale Arnold!

Who else is playing Monopoly at Shaw’s? I’ll trade for Park Place!

Bob Kraft can smuggle in all the Chinese masks he wants. Nothing is ever going to top John Henry graciously admitting that his fans are racist assholes.

With archdiocese parishes open, would it be too much to get a “Penance Fever Grips Hub” headline?

Kyrie Irving has less of a heart for basketball than Hank Gathers.

Have any of you even considered what this has been like for @SportyRMcKenzie? Have you?!

Sun shines. People forget.
The spray flies, the speedboat glides, and people forget. Forget they’re hiding. The girls smile. And people forget. The snow packs, as the skier tracks; people forget. Forget they’re hiding.

bsmw.net has expired

Spike Lee must have seen The Irishman and thought that he too could also make a Netflix ‘Joint’ that’s an hour too long.

Whenever I see John Bolton I think they’re talking about Linda Pizzutti’s upgraded front porch.

Good to see Lily from AT&T back. She seems like a nice lady.

In light of the recent popularity of the Junk Drawer we’re thinking of trying something new. Noon-thirty? Mystery Guest? 4@4? Fisting the Man with Fitzy?

Honk if you remember Ganguay.

What’s your favorite song with quarter notes in it?

I don’t think the Chinese knockoff AO sunglasses I ordered in April are being sent. At all.

Best bet for the weekend: base ball not returning.

Not gonna happen.

material from interviews, wire services, rebroadcasts, Facebook, Instagram, other writers, league and team sources, Mr. Banktress, and #the15, way, way more of #the15 than usual were used in this column. Stick bump, or whatever.

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Author: scartsybjbsj

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