07/01/2020 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Ben Mondor. Still Owning.

A pirate radio frequency out of Lawrence is transmitting incomprehensible information concerning Julian Edelman. Please contact if you are able to unscramble the signal.

If you don’t think the Coronavirus is Ben Mondor’s revenge, ask the WooSox how their inaugural season went.

If Cam Newton starts for the Pats in Week 1, will that also count as reparations? Or would they need to add Kaepernick as a backup? Just trying to be an ally here.

Great Football Mind Kina Mimes is gonna kill it. Dead! Yas Kween!!

Zero deaths! Open Fenway! And sell some bricks. Maybe.

Doug Kyed watched Contagion over the weekend and is now firmly against Covid-19. Hello!

I mean, sure, you can be good at your job and post photos of you wearing what you like to wear, including crop tops at all ages, but not if you’re not good at your job you can’t. Hey; I don’t make the rules!

Good to hear Edelman is going to be obsolete by people who say their opinions on a 100 year old medium.

Cakes are cooking this week for America! But more specifically they are cooking today for Steve Shutt, Dan Ackroyd, Nancy Lieberman, Pamela Anderson, and Missy Elliot.

And yes, Happy Canada Day. Love your mints.

Perhaps there’s a bussing joke to be made from the fact that Tom Brady went to Tampa Bay and Cam Newton is coming to Boston, but rest assured, the Junk Drawer does not trade in jokes of that nature. And if I did, would certainly say Cam was a METCO Auburn Tiger…


You should definitely respond to 98.5 The Sports Hub’s thuddingly obvious provocations.

Gordon Hayward is white! Zoinks! Will his jersey say ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I’ll wash your feet’?

I’m wearing a crop top right now!

How is everyone spending their Bobby Bonilla Day?

Scott’s still can-celled! clap clap clap-clap-clap! Scott’s still can-celled! clap clap clap-clap-clap!

Say, what’s Cam’s wife look like? We’re comparing QB’s, right?

Our world should be structured better so Brock Holt doesn’t have to spend three months away from his family due to an unprecedented pandemic. Thinking about starting a GoFundMe for my poor Brock Star. Gonna cry now.

The Patriots lost a draft pick; now the NFL season can really begin.

Headscarfs are like masks for concussions.

The Jaguars have agreed to terms with third round DT Davon Hamilton, per source. He’ll earn up to $4.82M on the standard four-year rookie deal.

Alabaster twat Chad Finn buys sunscreen in the same quantities his boss purchases ink.

For one thing, Newton would’ve caught that pass in SB52.

I wonder if any MLB players whittled their own bats with all the down time and all? I would.

Hey there sons and daughters of liberty, the Phrase that Pays is “low risk, high reward.”

Marisa Ingemi is still a free agent.

Knock down every Confederate statue and replace them with Dennis Eckersley!

My son doesn’t like it when I call him a enthusiastic and egregious death spreader when he keeps asking for a catch.

They’re called ‘diacritical marks.’ You’re welcome.

If you’re not a coach in one of the 4 5 major sports leagues and your social media names are “Coach whatever” you’re a clown who acts like a clown.

I heard they’re going to start pool testing, so I guess I better do some crunches.

The worst part about this Newton signing is having to fire up Google Translate.

Godspeed, Paw Sox. Looking forward to seeing Rusney in Worcester next Summer!

The Ringer’s leadership is so white they hold retreats in the Bavarian Alps.

Must be nice to have cap space.

Good to hear a person at WEEI thinks Edelman’s going to be obsolete soon. How were last quarter’s ratings anyway?

Honk if you remember Brad Rifkin.

I’d really like to know how Callahan and Carr didn’t end up on ventilators. What do they know?

Pro tip: Never change lawyers midstream. Unless the first one ruins everything.

Is Cam Newton Belichick’s Pumpsie Green? I’m just asking the question, caller.

Miss Pizutti is late. Fingers crossed gang.

I’m in the phone booth, it’s the one across the hall. If you don’t answer, I’ll just ring it off the wall. I know he’s there, but I just had to call. Don’t leave me hanging on the telephone. Don’t leave me hanging on the telephone.

I’m more of a CONSONANTS guy, but I’m sad to hear this year’s Big E is cancelled.

Good to hear Edelman is going to be obsolete from a radio person who thinks Tom Brady led the league in RPOs.

There’s a Madeline Petsche and a Madeline Ford?

It must be exhausting trying to claim fandom in arrears every time someone famous dies.

No way either of those girls in Spring Breakers could have know how to drive Big Arch’s manual transmission Lamborghini. C’mon.

Please remember to cook and eat with your masks on this holiday weekend. It’s really not that hard.

Drop us a line in the comments if you can think of any Boston athletes who share a name with a Boston suburb!

None of my business, but William Bendetson and Nora Princiotti would make a mighty handsome couple.

Pro Kyle. Anti Kyles.

Best bets for the weekend? Independence Day Takeout from Table by Jen Royle.

Quesadilla with Quac. On the Secret Menu.

material from interviews, wire services, rebroadcasts, Facebook, Instagram, other writers, league and team sources, Rex Dartand a whole bunch by #the15 were used in this column. 

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Author: scartsybjbsj

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