07/22/2020 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Who could’ve ever predicted this? Everyone? Oh.

Gonna be the first time there’s no fans at Fenway doing the wave since 1987.

What kind of weirdo hates Ken Walter?

I like a good stiff drink as much as the next guy…unless that guy is Fred Toucher.

Man, that one guy who signed up for The Athletic because of their coverage of sports and pop culture from the third quarter of the 20th Century is really getting his money’s worth!

If you can’t trust gossipy amateur podcasters, who can you trust?

No football? But how will I get by without footage of sports broadcasters swooning over Mahomes effortlessly tossing no-look passes out of bounds?

Cakes are cooking today for Rob Estes, Don Van Natta Jr., Tim Brown, and Franka Potente.

When did the Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies go the way of the Nabisco Oreo’s and start coming up with all different varieties?

Stock down: Terry Cushman. Stock up: Noah Syndergaard.

Does Mrs. Toucher get half of the wacky impressions and full burner account custody?

Did B*rst**l carry out a Yamamoto-esk decapitation mission and take out MHB prior to today’s hostilities? Thus depriving the Minifans of their wartime consigliere?

Exactly. Guts me no guts until you underline him.

“Why did Dr. Fauci change his mind about the need to wear masks?” is the new “why won’t Belichick explain why he benched Malcolm Butler?”

Comet NEOWISE? More like Comet ‘Pretty Stupid!’

I‘m officially out on podcasts. What’s ironic is that I got into them because I wanted a thorough discussion of Thor’s hammer. Be careful what you wish for.

Zookeeper should have hired a private investigator, but not for the reason he thought he had to.

Yes, you too can be gaslit into believing Aaron Rogers was the best quarterback of the last decade for only $34.99/month!

Not a fan of Jordan’s Furniture’s new promotion: free furniture if the Red Sox win 60 or more gams this season.

Hey xeople, this week’s Phrase that Pays: “Vulvar contusions.”

Looks like Kanye’s presidential run was shorter than Billy Weld’s. Longer than Deval Patrick’s, tho.

We gucci, babybaby.

How are they going to douse Guerin Austin with Gatorade remotely?

I can’t believe a group of 20 something, selfie taking, attention craving girls are turning on each other. I just can’t…

This is fun: #Dolphins WR DeVante Parker will release a cartoon series called #UncleVante tomorrow at 9:15 am ET on his IG/TW. It chronicles the relationship between @DeVanteParker11 & “nephew” @ThePeeWeeParker as they navigate through life & the NFL season on and off the field.

Giants Manager Gabe Kapler covered up the assault of a minor runaway female by players in his organization.

How can something be ‘Partial Zero Emissions’, Subaru? It’s either zero, or it isn’t.

Yeah we all know why the NBA Commissioner wants to call it a ‘Campus’, and not a ‘Bubble’.

We’re never going to find out if The Protagonist in Christopher Nolan’s next move is the titular TENANT, are we?

A life well lived, Congressman Lewis.

Sad to hear about the passing of Carl Lewis. A great Olympian and Civil Rights leader, the venerable Congressman from Georgia is probably best remembered for standing up to Hitler at the 1936 Summer Games in Berlin. You’ll never find a bigger fan than Yours Truly. Rest in Power!

Swing out, to Lake Nostalgia, Route 5 to Laughing Pines.
Get off at Funway West; Drive into Springtime. Drive into Springtime.

Honk if you remember Howard Johnson’s Toastees.

Pumped in crowd noise at Fenway. Finally, Mrs. Henry isn’t the only one in the building faking it.

Insta-edit; I’d be remiss if I left out John Lewis’s time as president of the United Mine Workers of America. So there.

New Shertenlieb idea: Win Fred’s Lithium?

Best bet for the weekend: folks watching baseball.

Cubes. So smart.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, NFL water carriers, other writers, league and team sources, Twitter user @mitchmidnight, and #the15 were used in this column. 

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Author: scartsybjbsj

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