07/31/2020 Bonus Return of Sports Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

‘Love Us?’ GTFO.

Yes, yes, I know; the NWSL and clam basketball returned already and they’re pro sports too. Shut up.

Is the magic number the same for the Marlins and Red Sox right now?

I’d sure like to opt-out of 2020. do ya feel me?

#ThankYouKirk for dismantling the Dennis and Callahan show from the inside.

I’m a hundred time more angry about the Celtics players wearing ‘Love Us’ than Hayward’s ‘Education Reform’ message. Those real fancy boys should have to play wearing Joe Mayo’s fur coat the whole game. “Want me! Love me! Shower me with kisses!”

How about Patrick Chung, opting out yet still taking down guys in the offseason?

I wish there was a handy resource where I could find out who Bill Simmons’ 14 year old daughter is following on Tik Tok.

Pfft. Dummies thought Marchy was hurt. Rubes.

No shared ketchup bottles allowed in restaurants any more must be killing @bigjimmurray‘s menchies.

Pats need to come out to T Swift tbh

If Portnoy gets to interview Putin next, does he ask him how he got so great at hockey?

Get help, Fuckface.

Kraft is making the players opt out so he doesn’t have to pay them, and also to distract Q-Anon, who is closing in on his human trafficking ring.

Kirk Minihane kills himself like Brett Favre retires.

I wouldn’t trust the league that ‘didn’t include the science, no sir’ to figure out on the fly how to keep me safe from COVID, either.

TBH, I hate both sides of the Joe Kelly argument.

I feel bad for all the other Ghislaine’s out there, don’t you?

I bet the reason Baseball has so many unwritten rules is because if they set them down on paper they’d realize a lot of them are really fucking stupid.

Who are the dummies who think the game is to post a Snoopy gif the fastest? Jerks! The game is to draw in the unaware.

Maybe Minihane’s most recent bout of mental illness will teach him that seeking out and obsessing about things to be outraged by is not a healthy pursuit. Or not.

Lou Schwechheimer can’t be the name of a real person.

Geez, Ma, is that Market Basket giant loaf of bread that you feed to the birds a good use of limited refrigerator space?

Tawm C. is now trampolining off Ken fucking Laird. Sad to see.

Why is it okay to dehumanize Robyn Hayward; because she doesn’t need 4 different filters to look attractive on social media?

I’m mostly sure I thought John McNamara died a couple years before Walpole Joe Morgan did.

And speaking of dead people, John Lewis’ mourning period is going to outlast the length of this MLB season.

800 Dunkins are closing, which means there are still 800,000 more to go.

Seize the opportunity, Honey Dew!

Who’s thirstier? Fred Toucher or @MarkPiselli13?

Best bets on COVID-19 testing results? Very attractive overs in Tampa, Houston and Oakland.

Dale Arnold and Dave O’Brien are the same person. Prove me wrong.

Pasta is a Good Kid.

Still, that Minihane produces more content from a rubber room than Entitled Town has all summer.

People have been calling me a pessimist for years. But while my severe anxiety and depression brought on by childhood trauma impacts how I think about most things, including baseball, I wasn’t wrong about this team. In fact, they’re even worse than I thought.

Is Bo Curran away at college with Chuck Cunningham?

Marisa Ingemi is still a free agent.

Change the name of the Gary Pettis Bridge to the Doug Decinces Bridge.

China IS asshoe.

Aloha means Goodbye. Aloha, Mike Golic. And possibly Greeny.

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed.
You put me on and said I was your favorite.

Thirty bucks to “make magic” with the guy who blew the starting line of the Bruins seems fair.

C’mon, bruh, pretend Minifans gotta stick together.

My editor just asked why I didn’t like the manicotti at Table Boston. How did he know that?

Best bets for the weekend? Reds at Tigers, 6:10 PM Saturday, FS1. (Pending COVID-19 Test Results).


Standard disclaimers apply. Kevin wrote a lot of these. Stay safe.


Author: scartsybjbsj

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