08/05/2020 Atomic Controlled Detonation of the Sports Junk Drawer

First!

Did the NBCSports Boston execs make their employees click through a slideshow to see who got their walking papers?

The letters to syllables ratio on Isaias is whack.

Is @ChrisPalmerNBA an actual real reporter, or a CONSONANTS fraud like Cushy or Dov?

Atlanta milk just hits different, I guess.

Maybe the President should just have all his interviews with Dave Portnoy?

Less than ideal, Bruins.

A belated Happy Birthday to Tom Brady, and also Happy Birthday to my ex-wife of 20 years who’s sleeping with her 3rd cousin right now.

Phil Jerkovec got his waiver! It’s happening! It’s all happening!

Bo Curran should not accept being demoted to second-string Prop Dog. Fight for your job!

Good luck to the Eagles coach. If you’re going to get the virus, now is the time. No practices or games to miss.

Cakes are cooking for Maureen McCormick, Tawny Kitaen, Patrick Ewing, and Funkmaster Flex.

Has anyone made a ‘LaCosse opted out of LAST season too!’ joke yet? How’s that? Everyone did? Oh.

Irish lawyers are jealous of Jewish lawyers? Maybe my sample size is off.

Natalie Weiner is a free agent.

I have concluded that my No. 1 favorite Metallica song is No Leaf Clover. An innovative and flawlessly executed collaboration of rock and classical with the SFSO. The track simply has no weaknesses.

Celtics may be a little rusty, but Pee Pee River Man sure isn’t.

Some mistakes can’t be undone, like trading Mookie, or flubbing a perfect season-clinching interception, or choosing the theoretical safety of nameless Verizon employees over keeping our Angel of Framingham active on Twitter.

Marisa’s brain and Gabby’s face from the right angle would make the perfect sports writer.

You could hear the screams of a thousand WCT jokes that will now go untold when Gordon Hayward knelt for the anthem in a BLM shirt.

Benny misses Brock!

Does anyone notice that I try to make sure the desk drawer items about the same sport aren’t next to each other? Like decorating a Christmas tree?

Reni Santoni died. Back in the day, Larry Johnson would have a tracing of David Ortiz to commemorate. Ciao, Poppie.

I guess Greg Dickerson can finally throw that Abby Chin voodoo doll away.

Tomase has an Abby Chin doll too. His is a little different, though.

Is Dov Kleiman a collective hallucination, or just a jobless Volin?

Clear off that dining room table! Sheesh!

You can bet Pederson and Lane Johnson were having fun when they contracted the Wuhan virus.

I think my old Aerobie finally blew off the roof.

Hey there Friends of Friends of Katie, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “I may lay down again.”

Maybe there’s room in the Red Sox rotation for those recent NBCSports castoffs. Couldn’t get any worse, could it!?

Craig Pickleman Calcaterra is a free agent.

I don’t know how much they pay the Couch guy who edits @BSPsBlockedList into something coherent, but double it. Double zero is still zero, right?

Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu!

DJ Bean keeping his job through the NBCSports layoffs is clearly part of the fake-gay agenda.

Honk if you remember the Woburn location of Gourmet Burgers & Brews.

Hey, how come they don’t move National Avocado Day to Tom Brady’s Birthday? Bwahahahaha!

All these layoffs and meanwhile Steve Buckley is ensconced at The Athletic having his intern research if there was ever a baseball episode of McHale’s Navy.

Breaking News: Celtics Great Bill Russell is still very much alive.

Drop tears below, Rhode Island.

The dog that’s receiving the hug from the other dog in those viral clips does not look thrilled to be involved.

Don’t let the NBCSports layoffs distract you from the fact that Beirut was literally nuked this week.

So my order at Kroger was successful, spammer? Good to know.

Don Meineke is managing with the urgency of a man who knows he’s just keeping the seat warm for Alex Cora.

NBCSB did the American taxpayer a huge solid, waiting until right after the $600 unemployment benefit expired to axe a shitload of employees. Hope Tanguay invested his Knives Out residuals. God Bless the USA.

There’s a stick tap waiting for when you get back, Textsy.

What with ‘them’ upping subscription costs Boston Sports Journal is probably newly solvent. And hiring. Probably.

Best bet for the weekend: it’s a tossup; light yard cleanup/COBRA coverage.

Lonely. Score some points, Bruins.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesBSMW participants Coma and NASCLand #the15 were used in this column. 

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Author: scartsybjbsj

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