08/12/2020 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

I don’t know what ‘goodbye’ is in fake Ugandan. Goodbye.

Y’all had a good laugh at the expense of UMass football for a few hours. Har de har har. Until the other Conference shoes started to fall.

Quintuple Overtime Playoff hockey just hits different.

Only upside to having no electricity is not having to confront my worst nightmare. I shudder to even author this; Abby Chin will eventually not work for NBCSports Boston.

Its sad that Kamala Harris didn’t live to see Kamala Harris get the Veep nomination.

Future NFLHC Seeking young, twitchy edge bender for light football mansplaination. Violent hands preferred. Will accept tight skin, but fluid hips are a must. All-22 friendly. No squids, catfish, or single wings.

The Baseball Paper Boston Globe is really forcing laughably positive Alex Verdugo stories on us without our consent.

It’s not the health it’s the liability.

Lucy is like keto, apparently. Once you stop all the weight comes back immediately.

Lamar Miller? I heardahim!

Between Joe Haggerty and Abby, NBCSports Boston got rid of like five Chins!

Cakes are cooking for Jim Beaver, Pat Metheny, Lynette Woodard, and Sir Mix A Lot.

Also, cakes are, and at the same time, aren’t, cooking for Erwin Schrödinger.

No ones saying it, but if YOU wore a mask we’d have college football.

I hope Kirk comes back soon. A negative podcast hosted by a cynical douche peddling contrived outrage is definitely the best and only cure for my intense depression.

What’s the Austrian word for schadenfreude? Asking for a buddy of a friend.

Celtics are gonna surprise a lot of ignorant teenagers out there on the socials, no?

Hey Zayre’s Parking Lot attendants, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Built in excuse.”

How’s that? there’s another Phrase that Pays? “do the right thing.” What?

Hey, we’re up against a hard salary cap here; I can’t have all these phrases paying out!

Well lookie there, a triple H, like the weather we’ve been having! I miss Dickie Albert.

Anthony Lynn making history.

The Bruins may be able to flip the switch in the real playoffs. I just hope Eversource isn’t providing the power.

Kamala Harris? Would.

What the fuck is that guy going to do with a kidney?

XFL coming back? Cool.

I’m glad the Rangers ‘won’ the Draft lottery. After all, Madison Square Garden is the Madison Square Garden of hockey.

Them Subaru Foresters got two mufflers.

Call me when your precocious eight year old correctly tells you ‘you were assigned female at birth, and present as an exhausting blob.’

Meems? Joke’s over. Olly olly oxen free.

Bill Russell played in a mask throughout the 1968 pandemic, but that had more to do with disguising himself while he abused baby-dicked, belt-wearing actuaries from Peoria.

I look at her and she looks at me. In her eyes I see the sea. I don’t see what she sees in a man like me. She says she loves me. Her eyes, yeah, her eyes. Her eyes are a blue million miles.

Libby Warren: drop trail of tears below.

Ah, Courtney Fallon. Good to see she has time to troll between hooker funerals.

Bad Tuesday in C-Bus.

Bert Breer hasn’t been this sad since he found out why Mumsy made him call the gardener ‘Uncle Jorge’.

We can read your LinkedIn even without having Premium, you know.

Honk if you remember a time before Shark Week.

When she lets your collegiately sharpened, newly emancipated mind run wild >>>

That tenth win for the Red Sox may not show up in the standings until September.

Best bet for the weekend: I don’t know; I wrote this on Tuesday.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesand #the15 were used in this column. 

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Author: scartsybjbsj

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