12/09/2020 More in Sorrow Than Anger Rolling Back Everywhere the Sports Junk Drawer Cleaning to Step 3 Phase 1

Shake? Psyche!

So there. For the second consecutive autumn, the New England Revolution are not going to break the region’s Championship drought.

I mainly follow Serie A.

You don’t see Deebo pushing anybody down! Probably because he creates SEPARATION! He takes the TOP OFF! In conclusion, Nick Chubb!

Anyone saying how much 2020 has been the worst year apparently didn’t hear that the McRib is back.

You don’t even know what a trade exemption is, do you?

Cakes are cooking for Dick Butkus, World B. Free, Fabrice Santoro, and Wendy Dillinger.

Imagine feuding with Lou Merloni being the breaking point where you’ve lost respect for Craig Carton.

It’s almost like valuing special teams play comes in handy when, say you have a hatrack under center.

Is there a baseball jock Jared Carrabis won’t sniff?

So breakdancing is an official Olympic sport….can we also make snowball fights legal as well

I’m making a gingerbread replica of WARRIOR Ice Arena.

Dotty Parton has great knockers.

Ohio State/Michigan game cancelled, Bertie Breer hardest hit.

Repost: I swear the Globe should put a spicy pepper symbol next to Shirley Leung’s columns to warn us of any hot takes contained therein!

Get your Followers up pussbag

Who told you that you can’t win in this league unless you have a quarterback who can make all the throws? Charley Casserly? Was it him?

I prefer podcasts that aren’t recorded in storage units.

Hug your difficult head groundskeepers a little tighter tonight.

The MRI confirmed that Essang Bassey, a promising UDFA, has a torn ACL. Out for the season.

There’s no bigger fucking loser than Turtlecunt.

Some say if you tweet like Katie Nolan long enough you become her.

Life Hack: Increase your Twitter efficiency model by shortening “rookies” to “rooks.”

Why am I seeing mailboxes aligned parallel to the street, instead of the usual perpendicular? Is this like when people started lifting their windshield wipers up before a snowstorm?

@BPhillips_SB is really going to soil himself when Cam Newton passes for over 100 yards in a game some day!

AOL appears to have lost 2,000 of my recent e-mails. Has this happened to anybody else, or just me?

Who are you kidding? you’re not making soup. Throw that turkey carcass out.

Richard Deitsch searches his name on Twitter. You know what to do.

Not so funny when someone walks into *your* house unannounced, huh, Tom Brady?

Albania isn’t a real country.

I wish @ThatDaveBrown still had a press pass so he could ask the Jarrett Stidham question.

Ok, bud.

Last week was Cleats For a Cause by the NFL. The calendar turned yesterday and it was “pimp for a coordinator” day by the media.

Hey there gang of elite volumetric hackers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Honestly Genius.”

Gina. Not owning.

Red Sox are in on everyone in the Rule 5 Draft!

Nicknames? We’re bemoaning the lack of nicknames in sports nowadays? Well I got a snappy nickname for you to use, KPD; ‘Hatrack’ Newton. Enjoy!

Political operatives are telling me McRib plans on challenging Mayor McCheese in the upcoming primary.

You can have the Molina’s, I’ll take the Farmiga’s.

Chris Gasper does have a nice beard.

You want a BJBSJ sweatshirt? I can get you a BJBSJ sweatshirt. We’ll talk.

Choirs will be singing “Silent Night,”
Christmas carols by candlelight.
Please come home for Christmas.
Please come home for Christmas.
If not for Christmas, by New Year’s night.

It’s a bit of a relief not to have to constantly defend Tom Brady anymore.

Is everybody at WEEI a midget?

Honk if you ever went Christmas shopping at Downtown Crossing.

Another Life Hack: if you order on the Dunkin app, you can select “Light Ice” or something like that where they’ll put less ice, and it means you’ll actually get more beverage, aka more bang for your buck. Otherwise, it’s like, 80% ice.

Hi Marv!

There are better places in the Boston area to watch an outdoor Bruins game than at Fenway Park.

What’s Big Gym doing out on a rooftop deck? I thought he reacted to bright light like Gizmo. Fraud.

Well if world-class dummy Peter King thinks that Jack Easterby isn’t running things behind the scenes, that’s good enough for me!

Best bet for the weekend: Maccabees in a rout.

Useless.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesBSMW, @PatsSixtySeven, and #the15 were used in this column.

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Author: scartsybjbsj

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