For all my friends here: be careful what you post…Forget changing the name of the Braves to honor Henry Aaron, maybe just change the name of the city to Aatlanta too?…Otto Graham is the GOAT of pre-Super Bowl, palindromic quarterbacks, philistine…Drop tears, Dick Flavin; there’s a new poet laureate out there, and her name is Mandy Gorman…A McRib, but on a pretzel bun? We have the technology…It’s better to be lucky than good sometimes, and Craig Smith proved that against the Pittsburgh Penguins…You rarely ever see just one cranberry by itself…Corporate Kirkie sure does know how to be a good little Stoolie and go after whomever insulted Davey this week…I was today years old when I found out who the Suicide Girls are…Performative grief over the death of an athlete who was born during FDR’s first term and who you didn’t know personally is distasteful, at best…Cakes are cooking for Carlos Slim, Nick Price, Sam Phillips, Rakim, and Ariel Winter…It must have comforted James Garner to know he’d always be remembered for the role of a lifetime: Mr. Cash McCall…If you stylize a lighthouse too much, it no longer looks like a lighthouse…The Red Sox brilliant poaching of hurler Adam Ottavino from the Evil Empire New York Yankees finally evens out the Babe Ruth trade, in my view…Sorrey, I still don’t care about women’s hockey…If everything looks like a nail, you either have only a hammer, or a potentially life-threatening brain tumor…Joan Van Ark, you still got it, kid…As far as I know, cable companies only offer great deals…Towels are, and remain a great idea…Matthew Stafford? I have heard of him…Warrior Ice Arena should always be capitalized. WARRIOR…Has anyone claimed ‘Clitoris Leachman’ as a nom-de-porn? RIP…Some favor the Dixon Ticonderoga, but I was always partial to the Faber-Castell American #2 pencils…If the NFL had allowed Gillette Stadium to host a Super Bowl, Tom would have found a way to got the Patriots there…I love watching people of all races and creeds barbecuing…Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘A sparkling drop of Retsyn’…To be clear: The #Texans have offered the job to #Ravens assistant head coach David Culley and he’ll accept it. Houston has a new head coach…Kind of crazy that the two Captains from the 2019 #StanleyCup Final are with different teams now…Am I hashtagging?..That manatee thing has all the earmarks of an inside job….Aaron Rodgers should have used his arm strength and made all the throws…I liked that ‘Beamrider’ game, do they still sell that at GameStop?…Don’t act like you weren’t wondering what he did with the food…Basketball teams that can’t make free throws are frustrating to watch as a fan…Friendly’s should start making their lemon sherbet again…David Pastrňák is a Good Kid…If you have a pair of pants and a pair of scissors, how many items do you have? Exactly my point…Pat Mahomes deserves to get clocked with those late slides. Just sayin’…Honk if you learned to drive with a three on the tree transmission…I think I’m getting pranked every time I see a promo telling me The Blacklist is still on NBC…I’d rather get my vaccination at America’s Most Beloved Ballpark than almost anywhere else…The sun will rise, the sun will set, I’ll have lunch in between, and folding table repairmen in Buffalo will still have jobs to go to in the morning…Grape ginger ale is the bee’s knees…Best bet for the weekend: Deshaun Watson trade proposals, each one more outlandish than the last!
material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, and #the15 were used in this column. Done in the style of Larry King’s column that ran in the Life section of USA Today.