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From our good friend Chico Walker, here’s a song that is sure to be played on #Country937 in the coming weeks: A BOY NAMED LOU
When 985 went on the air
They needed someone with Felger to pair
Would they poach our guys? What would we have to do?
So we looked at the “talent” and what we did
Was we made a foolish, too generous bid
And we signed ourselves a guy named Lou
Soon he was on with Mut, and holy shit
They didn’t work together – no, not one bit
It was awful, worse than a morning zoo
Knew nothing about sports, it was all a sham
Only thing he seemed to do was to keep sayin’ “damn”
Them’s the breaks when you have a guy named Lou
So we scraped up Fauria, recycled Big O
Put ’em all together – there, that’s a show!
Won’t win their spot but certainly should be 2
But it turns out three morons yellin’ over each other
Isn’t worth the average listener’s bother
6th in afternoon drive’s what you get with a guy named Lou
So, the writing’s on the wall and we have to concede
As ad revenue continues to bleed
A country format’s what we’d change into
But we’ve got contracts with most of our jocks
So for country DJs now – these are locks
Wiggy! Mustard! Neumie! Anyone but Lou…
A Special Guest Piece From BJBSJ Freelancer “Mike On Route One”
The rain drummed on the tin carport roof, a steady deluge that hadn’t let up all spring. Wikipedia Brown took a drag off a Chesterfield and ran his fingers over his father’s nickel plated service revolver resting on his thigh. Despite the fact that the local teams won all the time, the weather and apocalyptic traffic were taking a toll on his psyche.
In weaker moments he fantasized about getting in his full dress Webelos uniform and pointing the business end of the weapon in his mouth. But that was merely fantasy. The reality was that Wikipedia needed a case. He hadn’t had one in a while. Not since bringing that racist boy from Pittsburgh to justice, anyway.
As fate would have it, a shadowed face appeared in the gloaming. Charred Meany, the leader of a gang of toughs known as the Globies. Instinctively, Wikipedia’s hand closed around the gun. Charred was a bully but not the kind of bully that socked you in the mouth. He was the kind of bully that put on a face of collegiality and good humor for public consumption. But behind that facade there was a nasty boy, willing to do the bidding of whoever tickled his balls the best.
“What do you want, Charred?” Wikipedia asked exhaling a long puff. Charred stepped into the carport. Wikipedia grimaced at the sight. The name “Charred” was used ironically. Like the gimp everyone called “Speedy” or the fat man known as “Tiny.” Even in the gray late afternoon light, his alabaster visage was almost blinding.
“I need to hire you,” Charred said. Wikipedia relaxed his grip on the pistol. He nodded toward the handwritten sign leaning against the card table in front of him: Twenty-five cents per day, plus expenses. Charred fished in his pocket. He tossed five Pat Dodson 1987 Topps Future Stars on the table. Wikipedia shrugged. That would have to do.
“So. What’s the deal?” Wikipedia asked. “Look, if you need a social media manager, to like the Tweets from baseball writers saying that the orange man is bad, you can hire someone at a Vietnamese click farm to do it a helluva lot cheaper than twenty-five cents a day. This is a detective agency.”
Charred shifted his Converse Weapons on the floor uncomfortably. “That’s why I’m here,” he said. Wikipedia raised an eyebrow. With a toe he pushed the empty folding chair away from the other side of the table. It squeaked on the cement. Charred sat down, keeping his eyes trained on the ground.
Wikipedia waited, years of experience had taught him not to push. Let them talk. Charred cleared his throat. “I’ve been getting scooped lately. Big time,” he said.
“Oh yeah?” Wikipedia asked knowingly. “By who?”
“BJBSJ.” Charred answered, embarrassed.
“Haven’t heard of ‘em.” Wikipedia said.
“Before them, I’d just have all the radio scoops fed to me. I didn’t have to do any work. There was no competition. But now? I’m a laughingstock. I can only block so many people on Twitter. Sullivan is gone. This is my livelihood and I gotta fucking tell you, I’ve got a very expensive habit to support,”
Charred whined. Wikipedia sniffed, indicating an affinity for Reggie Lewis Heart Salve. Charred shook his head, nodded toward the baseball cards on the table. Wikipedia cleared his throat. “Oh, right.” He ashed out his smoke, took two more from the pack, handed one to Charred.
“So where do I come in?” Wikipedia asked.
Charred reached inside his vintage John McNamara manager’s jacket and pulled out a stack of papers. He slid them across the table to Wikipedia who flipped through them, his interest growing. “Tweets?” Wikipedia asked. Charred nodded.
“A burner, most likely,” Charred said. “They signed up in April. Brand new account. Right around the time BJBSJ broke the story of potential changes to afternoon drive. Started going at them pretty hard.”
“That’s a good thing for you, right? Take down the competition.” Wikipedia asked.
“It’s a terrible thing. If they beat me on another scoop, I’m finished.” Charred said, shaking his head. “I need a win to show I’m not a useful idiot. I need to break a real story.”
Wikipedia nods, sees where he’s going. “You think this is an Entercom burner. And what bigger sports media news story would there be than an Entercom employee using a fake Twitter account because of the threats posed by a guerrilla media outlet, right?”
“Thought you’d never heard of them?” Charred asked.
Wikipedia shrugged, not answering.
“There’s no way you can trace these is there? I asked the IT guy at work and he said they finally just closed the Safari Reader Mode paywall loophole so this is way above his paygrade,” Charred said.
Wikipedia chuckled ruefully. “Well, actually – there’s plenty of ways. The digital methods are pretty ugly. And this is proprietary information, by the way. But we’re not dealing with some of the great thinkers here. They take the bait. Every. Single. Time. Because they’re curious. A bunch of raccoons, always enamored with shiny objects. With stories that are about them.”
“So you can trace this back to who it came from?” Charred asked, expectant.
“I don’t even need to go into digital forensics in this case. I can just go with old fashioned detective work.” He picked up a sheet of paper. He scanned the series of Tweets, processing them in his brain. He closed his eyes, the wheels turned.
Wikipedia opened his eyes. “Homie,” he said.
Charred looked at him, confused. “This Tweet here the person called Ironhead ‘homie.’” Charred didn’t answer, not following. Wikipedia shook his head, staggered by the lack of curiosity and resourcefulness. “Who at Entercom is going to call someone homie? Maybe Merloni would. Maybe. But there’s no way Merloni is setting up a burner the very night it is alleged his show is going away. Not to go directly after the source of the story anyway. He’s dumb but not that kind of dumb. That leaves two people dumb enough to go after the source on the same night and who could possibly use ‘homie.’”
Charred looked at Wikipedia in awe.
“So. Based on their Wonderlic scores and all other available evidence, the likely perpetrators are narrowed down to Fauria and Wiggy.” Wikipedia said matter-of-factly.
Charred slammed his hand down on the card table. Wikipedia didn’t flinch. “Of course!” Charred cried. “How dumb could I be?” Wikipedia turned his head to cough, a cover for an exaggerated eye roll.
“So. Where does that leave us?” Wikipedia said, thinking out loud. He pulled out a phone from his pocket and his fingers tapped on the screen. “No results for homie from Fauria.” A brief pause, then – “But. Wiggins. There’s a lot here from Wiggins. A ton, actually.”
“So that’s it! It’s Wiggy!” Charred exclaimed. Wikipedia shook his head.
“That’s one piece of evidence,” Wikipedia replied, disgusted. “You don’t run with one piece of evidence, Tomase.” He paused, scanning more of the Tweets. He scratched at his cheek. “The biggest tells are often punctuation.”
Wikipedia slid a paper across the table to Charred, then turned his phone’s screen to him. “See here? Look at the double spaces that Fauria uses after punctuation. Very similar to this here.” He pointed to a Tweet on the paper, an incoherent gobbledygook of commas and ampersands.
Charred’s eyes brightened. “So it’s Fauria?” He slid back from his chair, about to get up. Wikipedia grunted. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he muttered. “What if I told you Wiggy did the exact same thing? Then what? Where are we? A couple of rats in a maze.” Wikipedia said.
Charred put his head in his hands. “I’m never going to beat those guys.”
“Hey.” Wikipedia said. Charred looked up at him. “Don’t worry about it.” He pulled out a pencil from his short sleeved dress shirt. He flipped over one of the printed out pages and started scratching on it.
When he finished he flipped it back over and slid it across the table to Charred. Charred looked down at it. “What’s this?” he asked.
“Your answer.” Wikipedia said. Slowly, Charred flipped the paper over. He looked at it, shock growing on his face. He looked across the table at Wikipedia, his head tilted slightly forward, his eyes shadowed by his brow. Very different now. Something behind his eyes. Sinister.
He looked down at the paper again, reading the words.
“BJBSJ had it first. Always will, motherfucker.”
Charred pushed back from the chair, tried to stand up, to run. His Weapons, tangled up in the legs of the chair and he spilled onto the concrete. He rolled over, looked up.
Wikipedia stood over him now, menacing. A smile formed on his lips, then a snarl.
“Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much my web site is worth? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop breaking stories? A business big enough that it could buy out Coach Bedard a hundred times over goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist. No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not the story breaker, Charred. I am the story! A guy opens a burner account and you think that’s breaking news? No. I am the one who breaks!”
Charred stayed on his back, pushed his heels into the floor, trying to get away from this. This menace. When he got to the entrance of carport he stood, turned, and ran. He never looked back.
BJBSJ has obtained an advanced copy of the script for Agenda Free Friday’s Felcher and Mazz show, to be performed live after Round 1 of the NFL Draft. As always, I’m doing this so you won’t have to.
(A friendly reminder: Magician Bearded Lou Merloni will have the exact same take as Felcher on Monday, sprinkled with a few more FCC-friendly yet completely edgy obscenities to make it fresh.)
These are Felcher and MazzLibs:
FADE FROM BLACK: Int. of Town Fair Tire Studios, Day
FELCHER, wearing Nana’s glasses and freshly ironed napkins, courtesy of Charred Finn: What are they doing down there, Tony? They take their first pick, and then they __________ ? The _______ of ______ and _________. It is. It is.
MENSA MAZZ, gesticulating wildly: <Fill in answers for FELCHER> You’re absolutely right, Mike!
LARGE GYMNASIUM, wearing sunglasses indoors, a scally cap, and sweet tats: I hope ___________ Treats Himself and outlives his children!
FELCHER: It’s just _________ down there, Tony. I’m concerned about The Player. He wasn’t even on __________’s draft board! PFF has him gave him a <number between 0.0 and 7,134>.
MENSA MAZZ, staring at the ceiling: You’re absolutely right, Mike! I think he really ________ his ________ this time!
LARGE GYM: They had better serve Heinz ketchup at the luncheon after his kid’s funeral, or I’m going to rant about The Corpse in my next YouTube-clusive!
JAMES STEWART: Here, kitty kitty!
Our long commercial free segment is next.
Stop me if you’ve heard this one, but apparently there’s turmoil at WEEI.
Here’s what BJBSJ has learned today:
BJBSJ reported previously that Boston Globe mediots Ben “Mittens” Volin and Chris Gasper have been approached by WEEI, and they’re the two names favored by Iceberg Slalom Contestant Joe Zarbano.
Zarbano will not make the final call on any potential moves. Mark Hannon will have final say, per source. Another source says Zarbano had fallen out of favor with Hannon, but Zarbano’s relentless ass kissing is winning Hannon over and could save his hide.
Some other names that were discussed are no-brainer, kick the tires types. But others are incomprehensible:
- NBCSN Boston’s Tom Curran
- Ringer/ESPN’s Ryen Russillo
- Recently Unemployed Misogyny Expert Dan Sileo
- Sexual Harrassment Enthusiast Marc James
- Jermaine Wiggins
- Andy Gresh (yes, that Andy Gresh)
Eddie Andelman and Upton Bell were unavailable for comment.
While Charred Finn continues to whine to colleagues about being burned by BJBSJ, we’re working to provide continuing coverage of 93.7’s Nightmare Ratings Book.
Earlier this week, BJBSJ broke the news (first, again) of 985’s drubbing WEEI in the Arbitron Winter Ratings Book. This caused somewhat of a stir at Sinking Ship dot com, a vessel spouting more leaks than the Iraqi Navy.
Entercom has previously instructed on-air staff to not engage with Twitter accounts affiliated with #The15 at BJBSJ, and now sources in the building confirm management is concerned that the amount of traffic they are seeing to our website from devices on their network will undermine morale at the station.
In the Entercom world, it’s not the continuously shitty programming decisions (getting in the Rich Teeth business, AM Drive Mut, the inexplicable presence of a Blackmailing, Plagiarizing Pissant, Dale and Ordway’s love for tapioca pudding) that’s causing morale issues, but the reporting and criticism of these shitty decisions by someone not named Chard Finn that’s the issue. Anyone that believes Mittens Volin and Thesaurus
Enthusiast Devotee Aficionado Gasper will salve the wounds created by Joe Zarbano using his own foot for target practice demonstrates a Bledsoe-ian level of decision making. Evidently, there aren’t any mirrors at Entercom.
At BJBSJ, we’re seeing dozens of new Twitter followers with joining dates of April 2019 since the Winter Book revelations, so I’m Just Asking The Question: Does the EEI have a gaggle of insecure Burner Brigades that management is keeping in the dark?
Tomorrow, discussions begin in earnest for potential lineup changes at WEEI. (https://bjbsjournal.com/2019/04/17/shuffling-the-deck-chairs-at-weei/)
While Chard Finn prepares Tony Mazz’s bath, we’ll be working to get you the latest news. Again.
The weekday lineup at WEEI? If you think you hate it now, wait until you hear this:
Sources tell BJBSJ that Sinking Ship dot com Captain Joe Zarbano is looking to add 2 current Globies to the on-air staff at WEEI, and I’m having a difficult time stifling my laughter at this one:
If Mittens Wearing Dullard Ben Volin is the answer, then the question must be “How quickly can Joe Zarbano ram his craft repeatedly into that iceberg?”
The other Globie Zarbano is looking to bring aboard? That would be Thesaurus Enthusiast Chris Gasper, who is as unremarkable as Mittens is dumb. A source suggests Mittens would rotate between weekday shows, while Gasper would be looking at a regular, permanent position on air. This suggests the unlamented Dale and Teeth pairing may not be long for this world, and other hosts may be swapped around like Titanic deck chairs in the weeks ahead. BJBSJ is following this story and will update as more news becomes available.
While Charred Finn is ironing and folding Mike Felcher’s warming napkins, we’re working to have it first. Again.
Disclaimer: Arbitron ratings blocks are 6-10am / 10am-3pm / 3pm – 7pm and 7PM – midnight. The ratings are broken down below by the show appearing in the majority of the hours listed. Total ratings do not include the WEEI knee-jerk excuse of Providence numbers or streaming. Ratings are for men aged 25-54.
Ratings are for the Winter Book, January through March 2019:
OVERALL: WBZ-FM 11.8 (1st overall), WEEI-FM 5.3 (5th)
AM Drive: Toucher & Rich 12.2 (1st), Mut & Callahan 6.9 (4th)
Middays: Zo & Beetle 13.7 (1st), Dale & Keefe 6.1 (3rd)
PM Drive: Felger & Mazz 14.8 (1st), OMF on WEEI 5.7 (4th)
Evenings: Jones/Arcand 8.5 (1st), WEEI’s Amalgam of Suck 2.8 (t-14th)
Weekends: WBZ-FM 6.6 (2nd), WEEI-FM 2.6 (t-14th).
A few thoughts on the Winter Book:
- 985 finished 1st overall in every rating category except weekends, where they were 2nd. This isn’t a ratings win, it’s EEIvisceration.
- When you’re getting more than doubled up for an entire book, WEE-yikes.
- Ratings for every WEEI weekday program declined each month.
- Mut & Callahan’s drop has to be alarming: from 8.3 for January to just a 5.0 for March, a 40% decrease in listenership
- OMF getting tripled up is definitely in play for the spring book. For the month of March, F&M trounced Glenny & Co. 14.8 to 4.4. Yes, that’s not a typo. Four… point… four… which is roughly the trio’s combined IQ.
While Chard Finn is blocking anyone who notes that he’s quickly becoming BJBSJ’s bitch, we’re giving you the info you’re looking for. Again.
A reasonable person could conclude beyond any shadow of a doubt that WEEI Blackmail & Child Defamation Specialist Alex Reimer is incapable of shame.
It seems that there are some details regarding previous misdeeds that make him and station management uncomfortable.
Last year, Reimer did not respond then blocked previously open DMs when asked by BJBSJ for comment after a source informed us his WEEI suspension was a sham.
Reimer apologized, but you won’t believe this: the apology seems to have been insincere. Here’s a post from his (previously) open Instagram from 3/9/19:
Exposed and embarrassed again, Reimer responded by locking his Instagram account.
It’s difficult to believe this paragon of virtue may be involved in another ethical scandal, but BJBSJ is Just Asking The Question: Does “Noted Plagiarist” need be added to growing list of Reimer Dishonorifics?
On April 2nd, @tinpickle used a unique phrase responding to a Reimer tweet:
Less than 48 hours later, Reimer used a similarly unique phrasing in a tweet:
While Chard Finn is re-sorting his Donruss Rated Rookies by fWAR, BJBSJ is digging: Is there a Pattern Of Behavior of Reimer borrowing the intellectual property of others? Alex claims to be open and welcome ofexplosive debate, unless it involves him. In his Twitter header, Reimer asks you to send a “hello” to AlexR@WEEI.com.
Last Thursday, I did:
Ironhead BJBSJ <email@example.com>
Thu, Apr 4, 12:23 PM (5 days ago)
Your Twitter bio asks people to say hi, so I’m here to say hi, and to ask a question:
Can you please explain what happened here, using nearly the same rather unique phrase a mere day-and-a-half after it was tweeted at you?
You described yourself today as “a self-proclaimed vigilante for truth and justice”, and I share those sentiments. Can you please explain what happened in this case? Research suggests this is the latest in a pattern of borrowing words, phrases, and thoughts of others without attribution or credit.
BJBSJ would welcome a response and will quote you accurately and in context.
A Fellow Media Columnist
It’s been five days without a response. Is this delay indicative of shame? Is this the (in)action of someone who’s done nothing wrong, or is it just the tip of the iceberg that took down Titanic asshole Ron Borges?
By now, you’re aware Chad Finn was beaten by nearly 2 weeks on the news that Accomplished Libelist John Tomase was planning to leave WEEI for NBC Sports Boston. Finn tweeted his “scoop” yesterday and published a blog entry this morning on Boston.com. The Globe running with Last Month’s News Tomorrow is so perfectly Globe.
Chard promoting this “news” as a scoop isn’t surprising – after all, he calls Kevin Cullen a colleague. Finn melting down in the past 24 hours and throwing a block party is completely fair since most former subscribers have blocked the Globe from their homes. What’s laughable and vile is that the Alleged Media Columnist for the region’s largest media outlet endorses, approves, and applauds the hiring and promotion of John Tomase, a “journalist” who’s guilty of journalism’s ultimate sin. Finn is so far in the tank acting as a PR agent for his buddy, he doesn’t even mention Tomase’s libelous past still spouted as the gospel truth by many mediots. Finn’s declaration of support for Tomase is predictable because Chard Finn isn’t a media columnist, he’s a media masseuse.
Can you be a media critic without offering criticism? The truth is this: Boston doesn’t have a mainstream media critic. Finn authors thinly-veiled press releases promoting local media personalities and the outlets they appear on. The Mediot Good Ship Lollypop always sails through calm waters.
Tony Mazz? He’s not the hooked-on-moronics troll you hear on 985, he’s a great guy! (Mazz? Former Globie.)
Greg Bedard hires since-outed racist/homophobe Mike Loyko and defiantly refuses to explain how or why this happened? Crickets from our intrepid mediot watchdog. Chard was probably busy sorting ’77 Topps Red Sox cards. (Almost-A-Coach Bedard? Former Globie.)
Finn’s embarrassing long-form puff piece on 985’s Michael Felger from August 2017 should have an NC-17 warning due to strong sexual content.
Finn is complicit with idiocracy in Boston media because he’s unable, unwilling, or incapable of calling bullshit when bullshit needs to be called. He’s Dale Arnold with a blog, nothing more. SJW activists influence programming and host decisions right under Chard’s zinc-coated alabaster nose, but Daddy John Henry wouldn’t approve of a deep dive into that subject, so… nothing. Large Gym Murray wishes a caller’s child dead, but Great Guy Tony Mazz vouches for Gym? No harm, no foul. I wouldn’t expect anything more from a person who calls Cleveland Marriott Points Record Holder Dan Shaughnessy a friend. Finn is a prime example of why the Boston media is nothing more than a back-slapping cesspool filled with reach-around residue discharge.
BJBSJ earlier reported Infamous Libelist John Tomase is considering leaving WEEI, but where is he headed? Idle speculation that the unrepentant turd would fit in nicely at the Globe alongside Kevin Cullen or with former boss Sean Leahy at The Athletic – Boston turned out to be just that: idle speculation. Who is considering A Devastating Leap of Logic to hire Rollo Tomase and sully their reputation?
BJBSJ has the answer: Multiple sources say John Tomase is actively seeking to join NBC Sports Boston in print and on-air roles, replacing most notably Evan Drellich and more recently Jorge Andres covering the Sox. Nothing has been finalized, but the two sides are actively engaged in conversation. Tomase’s desire to leave is a open secret within the walls at Entercom.
During an appearance on Mut & Callahan on February 12th, Drellich revealed he was let go by NBC Sports Boston, and Andres filled his role for a short time.
Drellich was let go by NBC Sports Boston in part due to unease within the Red Sox organization with his style of reporting, a source said. Another source suggested Drellich’s open support of Kirk Minihane and vocal criticism of the Red Sox on and off the field played a factor in his dismissal.
In hindsight, Orchids of Asia Day Spa Customer of the Month Bob Kraft should have considered the same stance with Tomase and the Herald after LieGate in 2008, but we’ve since learned Krafty Bob is always willing to roll over.
Drellich was last heard at Sinking Ship Dot Com expressing his inner anguish through the majesty of song.
Andres briefly covered Sox Spring Training in Fort Myers, however a source suggested Andres’ abysmal on-air performance along with his embellishment of close relationships with key Sox personnel made cutting ties quickly an easy decision.
WEEI Tankapalooza Captain Joe Zarbano along with Rob Bradford (First Mate of Sinking Ship Dot Com) has a real Sophie’s Choice: Do you attempt to keep Tomase? Or do you offer a larger role to Jermaine Wiggins, Blackmailing Pissant Alex Reimer, or Sexual Harrassment Enthusiast Marc James? When your bench is thinner than the arms of 985’s Adam Jones, these options are cost effective but without appeal. That said, considering Tomase’s continued presence and Minihane’s ouster, Quality is Not Job One at WEEI.
The effect of a Tomase departure would have a ripple affect across platforms, most notably on Mut and Callahan. Rob Bradford’s stable of Kindergarten level writers at DotAbomination will be further exposed.
It has to infuriate those who attempt to do honest work in media see an admitted, remorseless libelist such as John Tomase be offered refuge in the WEEI Witless Protection Program and immediately get promoted by his good friend Rob Bradford. A decade later, Rollo Tomase is reaching for the Mediot Holy Grail. If the fanz get the mediots they deserve, the Libelist might get this high profile gig that he craves.
As always, to paraphrase Chard Finn, Boston Mediots aren’t media, they’re a family.
A Crime Family.