Cartoonaversary!

Happy Anniversary!
Share:

01/28/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

The Sports Junk Drawer is at least partly based on Larry King’s old stream-of-consciousness USA Today column. We are saddened by his passing.

For all my friends here: be careful what you post…Forget changing the name of the Braves to honor Henry Aaron, maybe just change the name of the city to Aatlanta too?…Otto Graham is the GOAT of pre-Super Bowl, palindromic quarterbacks, philistine…Drop tears, Dick Flavin; there’s a new poet laureate out there, and her name is Mandy Gorman…A McRib, but on a pretzel bun? We have the technology…It’s better to be lucky than good sometimes, and Craig Smith proved that against the Pittsburgh Penguins…You rarely ever see just one cranberry by itself…Corporate Kirkie sure does know how to be a good little Stoolie and go after whomever insulted Davey this week…I was today years old when I found out who the Suicide Girls are…Performative grief over the death of an athlete who was born during FDR’s first term and who you didn’t know personally is distasteful, at best…Cakes are cooking for Carlos Slim, Nick Price, Sam Phillips, Rakim, and Ariel Winter…It must have comforted James Garner to know he’d always be remembered for the role of a lifetime: Mr. Cash McCall…If you stylize a lighthouse too much, it no longer looks like a lighthouse…The Red Sox brilliant poaching of hurler Adam Ottavino from the Evil Empire New York Yankees finally evens out the Babe Ruth trade, in my view…Sorrey, I still don’t care about women’s hockey…If everything looks like a nail, you either have only a hammer, or a potentially life-threatening brain tumor…Joan Van Ark, you still got it, kid…As far as I know, cable companies only offer great deals…Towels are, and remain a great idea…Matthew Stafford? I have heard of him…Warrior Ice Arena should always be capitalized. WARRIOR…Has anyone claimed ‘Clitoris Leachman’ as a nom-de-porn? RIP…Some favor the Dixon Ticonderoga, but I was always partial to the Faber-Castell American #2 pencils…If the NFL had allowed Gillette Stadium to host a Super Bowl, Tom would have found a way to got the Patriots there…I love watching people of all races and creeds barbecuing…Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘A sparkling drop of Retsyn’…To be clear: The #Texans have offered the job to #Ravens assistant head coach David Culley and he’ll accept it. Houston has a new head coach…Kind of crazy that the two Captains from the 2019 #StanleyCup Final are with different teams now…Am I hashtagging?..That manatee thing has all the earmarks of an inside job….Aaron Rodgers should have used his arm strength and made all the throws…I liked that ‘Beamrider’ game, do they still sell that at GameStop?…Don’t act like you weren’t wondering what he did with the food…Basketball teams that can’t make free throws are frustrating to watch as a fan…Friendly’s should start making their lemon sherbet again…David Pastrňák is a Good Kid…If you have a pair of pants and a pair of scissors, how many items do you have? Exactly my point…Pat Mahomes deserves to get clocked with those late slides. Just sayin’…Honk if you learned to drive with a three on the tree transmission…I think I’m getting pranked every time I see a promo telling me The Blacklist is still on NBC…I’d rather get my vaccination at America’s Most Beloved Ballpark than almost anywhere else…The sun will rise, the sun will set, I’ll have lunch in between, and folding table repairmen in Buffalo will still have jobs to go to in the morning…Grape ginger ale is the bee’s knees…Best bet for the weekend: Deshaun Watson trade proposals, each one more outlandish than the last!

Please be sure to listen to my new female-centric hockey podcast “Two Blue Lines”.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesBSMW, and #the15 were used in this column. Done in the style of Larry King’s column that ran in the Life section of USA Today.

Mister we could use a man like Mayor Menino a-gain.
Share:

Recurring Comic Feature

Share:

01/21/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

This team truly understands optics. These images will inspire our friends and shake our foes.

What did Sam Kennedy and John Henry know about now-ousted Mets GM Jared Porter and when did they know it?

A Dynasty Delayed is like a Maryland blue crab left out in the sun.

Run the ‘score a goal while at full strength’ play, Bruce!

Why won’t Kid Gas suggest a synonym for ‘weird’ to either FMIA writer Peter King or his Ace Editor Dominic Bonvissuto?

Is Olympics Fever catchier than the COVID?

We gotta chill about that honey hole toss from Tom. If he had to do it again, he wouldn’t have put that much air under it.

“I only respect people who are direct.” — Guy who shits out 10 subtweets a day.

Did Katy Perry get sick of looking hot?

The good news is that after next year, Pats fans will no longer be required to try and convince fans of 31 other NFL teams that the correctly-called Tuck Rule did not automatically advance the team to the AFC Championship game.

My MAGAMillions ticket paying $2.10 paid $2.10.

Cakes are cooking for Ivan Putski, Jill Eikenberry, Detlef Schrempf, Cat Power, and Byung-Hyun Kim.

Tyreek Hill just hits different.

Marty Walsh’s default facial expression is that you just asked him to multiply 16 times 17 in his head, and then divide that number by 5.

This week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘prolixity’. And no caviling that it’s a word, not a phrase.

Collinsworth should have Pro Football Focus make up another fake stat for crowd noise, make those 6,000 Bills fans stop weeping.

I sometimes confuse Bess Armstrong for Tess Harper and vice versa.

Big Sey. That’s it. That’s the post.

What about the women who like getting unsolicited dick pics? They are forced to remain silent and that’s not right #EqualityForAll

Joe Biden’s day/night split has a wider gap than Jody Reed’s home and away numbers.

Leaping Lanny Poffo also wrote poems, and those poems rhymed. Just sayin’.

Just spent the past hour watching what strongman competitors eat while training for the contest.

What’s with all these cuckoo names for basketball players? Bring back regular names like Havilcek and Loscutoff!

Aloha Marv.

Everyone forgets the roof of the Hartford Civic Center collapsed that one time.

Honestly, how much lying did the NFL do about their Covid testing?

Don’t send Embiid to the free throw line: send him to The Hague.

Phil Rivers? Not a Hall of Famer.

That Elizabeth Olsen seems like a nice lady.

Aware of any good football podcasts to listen to????.

Now that the election is over, I think one of Biden’s first executive orders should be getting fans back in baseball parks this year.

Answer: 54.4.

A six-year deal for Coach Hardo von Oklahoma Drill in Detroit? Yikes.

PC beat #11 Creighton. Weep.

What’s Sarah Cooper supposed to do now?

Robb Flay cheats like he’s Don Shula or something.

Honk if you remember Cookie Crisp cereal’s old mascot, a wizard named ‘Cookie Jarvis.’

I’m happy for Dale Arnold that there’s a NWHL. Nobody loves chicks with sticks more than Dale.

Thanks for buying the team, Mister Kraft.

Best bet for the weekend: fatuous comparisons betwixt Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers.

BJBSJ became a BDLG fansite so slowly people hardly noticed.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesBSMW, and #the15 were used in this column.

It’s funny because he’s old, and wearing mittens.
Share:

Cosmos Comix

In 5 years, travelling at the speed of light this hot take will reach Proxima Centauri b.

(H/T @pmcnulty15)

Share:

Weekend Comics

Share:

01/13/2021 A Very Carefully Worded Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

U.S. President Donald Trump smiles after presenting the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Boston Celtics legend and Basketball Hall of Famer Bob Cousy in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, U.S., August 22, 2019. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque – RC122C28C900

Yes, but Cousy accepting the Medal is different. Okay.

I wish I got excited about anything as much as hockey writers do about who is elected the team captain.

Bedard’s gone full QSZN Twitter.

Everyone on Twitter fully embarrassing themselves today.

Did you know George Blanda looked worse at age 43 than Tom Brady does?

Fake Season 2, Hardwood Boogaloo is underway.

Cakes are cooking for Bob Baffert, Mark O’ Meara, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Suggs, and Kelly Boucher.

Blue checkmark outrage profiteers are gonna blue checkmark outrage profiteer.

News Item: Bruins to retire Willie O’Ree’s #22. Red Sox counter by doubling the decorations budget for the October “Pumpkins With Pumpsie” dance.

Manish on with the 98.5 Morning Zookeepers? What’s on tap for next week, an interview with somebody who was kicked off the Phoenix Suns beat?

I guess Ultra Slim Fast doesn’t make you immortal.

Wearing an easily identifiable article of clothing during the commission of a crime seems like a bad idea. Marvin Barnes could have told some of the insurrectionists that. But Marvin is dead, so you’d need a time machine. And Marvin ain’t getting in no damn time machine.

Air frying kielbasa? What?

Loud helicopters!

Bruce Arians always looks like he’s carrying a colostomy bag with him.

Evander Kane forced to declare Bedardruptcy?

His Twitter name is ‘Transient Existence’. We should have seen his return coming. We cheerfully retract our RIP message. Aloha!

Why are chicken pot pies in four locations in Market Basket? Inefficient!

Add ‘flexible ankles’ to Lazar’s Dictionary of Sports Nonsenses.

Who the hell is Alden Blaho?

How would moi..fix the targeting rule..in college football..1) if the same player gets called for it twice in one game ..then he is disqualified..instead of once However..2) if it is the result of launching and or headhunting..then if its first offense..sinaria

A Livestrong bracelet in 2018 is an interesting choice.

Blehhhh!! Passive voice!! Blehhhhh!!!

Pence has an Oedipal complex and Trump has whatever the opposite of that is.

TITTPT. #OldBoard

A down season for NE, but Pittsburgh is unable to capitalize? Sad!

What does virology mean to you, Kyrie?

In personal news I bought new winter boots. So if it doesn’t snow again this season, you’ll know who’s responsible.

It’s been so long, since I’ve seen her face.
You say she’s doing fine. I still recall a sad cafe.
How it hurt so bad to see her cry; .I didn’t want to say good-bye
Send her my love, memories remain. Send her my love, roses never fade.
Send her my love.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘carefully-drafted statement.’

Roll Tide: you took what was yours.

So Linda’s frontyard were store-bought big fakies? Talk about deceit bordering on un-sportsmanlike, to borrow a phrase from the late Clark Booth.

No trading Benny Blockchain away!!

Actually, Steve Trevor would be familiar with both escalators and subways, as they existed since the 19th century. Patty.

Viennetta!

Ol’ Rex wouldn’t turn down a Medal of Freedom, no siree! He’ll tell ya that much!

The answer is always Clark Booth. But, what’s the question?

NHL is back, baby!

Honk if you remember Bill Ayers.

Now we won’t have to dognap Nike or call in a bomb threat to the Nantucket airport. Whew!

You put some respect on Jonathan Cain’s name.

Red Sox? In on everyone!

Happy 40th year on the air, Matty in the Morning.

Best bet for the weekend: the broadcast mentioning Brees and Brady’s ages.

Happier times with the girls.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesBSMW, Fwamingham Matt and #the15 were used in this column.

Share:

advertisement

Sophistry – organoleptically perceive it!

(h/t @FetzerValves)

Share:

Moar Comix

Share:

01/06/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Good kids. Not as good as Pasta, though. Good, I said. With a ‘d’.

The good news is, I’m now eligible to cohost CNN’s 2022 New Year’s Eve broadcast.

I never got the chance to call him Big Z.

Can’t wait for the statue of Coach Peterson deciding to put Sudfeld in.

Reminder that BJBSJ is a news gathering association of concerned citizens.

Make sure you let a local random D-level media member know who will likely be a head coach in the future.

Anyways John Dennis says hi. Just kidding: he doesn’t want to talk to any of you anjerks.

Down by contact? Feh! Hold onto the ball.

Ready for hysterical meme of the swearing white kid Celtics fan growing up to be Pritchard. Hold on to your socks for that one.

The media being all giddy over coaches being fired is why we don’t care when one of the media loses their job.

Cakes are cooking for Darlene Hard, Ian Millar, Nancy Lopez, Howie Long, and Gabrielle Reece.

News Item: Bianca Smith Hired by Red Sox as First Female Hitting Coach in MLB History. “I shouldn’t have to tell you what’s wrong with your swing, you should just know.”

I’m glad that nice Table lady lady got some good publicity with this Leo visit. I heard she couldn’t make rent last month!

Dame is the Venom to Steph’s Spidey.

One of my favorite Mike Reiss quirks is his referring to questioners by their Twitter handle: ‘Thanks @PebblyBallLicker173, great question about the 2009 Patriots team.’

Didn’t realize the Celtics drafted John Stockton. At least the overhype train didn’t die with Tommy.

I hope the “Running Up the Score” police were dispatched to Buffalo. That’s two weeks in a row now.

It might be better to just say who the Red Sox AREN’T interested in. #letchaimcook

Tara Sullivan’s postgame questions to both Belichick and Newton were idiotic. Belichick had to make her repeat it because it made no sense.

That post you thought you saw early New Year’s Day? An example of the Mandela Effect. Any alleged proof? Photoshopped.

Whither Smaven?

Poor Tanya Roberts got the dead-alive-dead again Pat Burns treatment.

Cam isn’t going to apologize for winning the Ron Hobson Media Good Guy Award!

Some of them songs on Bruce’s last album trend toward self-parody.

It was supposed to be a seamless transition!

You know what else is tacky as fuck, Jen Royle? Saying something is tacky as fuck.

Hey Gangnam Gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘The internet is not forever.” And the alternate Phrase is “This ice cube tastes funny.”

Wait, Steph can’t be Spidey. Spida has to be Spidey.

John Elway? He’s now a Figurehorsehead. hic!

Mr. Tillman, for the seventh time,
We have no knowledge of a film that is being shot outside.
Those aren’t extras in a movie; they’re our clientele.
No, they aren’t running lines and they aren’t exactly thrilled.
Would you like a Regalo on the patio?
Is there someone we can call?
Perhaps you shouldn’t drink alone.

Senator Harris forgot the ‘everyone clapped’ stinger at the end of her ‘Fweedom’ story.

Pete King once again invokes “weird” to describe something out of the ordinary. A real wordsmith.

NHL sells naming rights for divisions to corporate sponsors Scotia, Honda, Discover, and MassMutual.

Mini waffle maker!

Dee Virgin is the best name since Stubby Clapp.

Nice win, U.S. Juniors. Real nice.

Has Gerry Callahan ever tweeted something where you go, “Wow, that’s an unexpected take!”?

People who discount Katie Nolan as nothing more than big tits and a smirk are forgetting about her terrific ass.

Deep discount tire stores have fewer retreads than Boston sports radio.

Honk if you remember Clay Matthews the Elder.

Eighteen years, Ye. Eighteen years.

Crazy Eyes Nick Casiero to become Houston Texans new GM. Has Deshaun Watson been spotted at the Hertz counter at Logan yet?

Andy Gresh has been granted his release?

Best bet for the weekend: Brady and Gronk rolling over a tomato can on Saturday night.

Bruins playing in the MassMut East Division?

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesBSMW, and #the15 were used in this columnHappy New Year.

Sorry for the big Mutnansky face pic. Here’s one of Tanya Roberts as a palate cleanser.
Share: