10/21/2020 Cleaning Up the Sports Sandwich Shoppe

Luscious Juicy Sandwiches.

Sounds anecdotal.

I’ve always wanted to fondle a pitching rubber and get John Tudor’s autograph, not to mention, put in writing how I feel about the trio of fartknockers that run this organization.

Voting at Fenway? Joe Moody must be quite busy today!

Sorry, folks. Never in my life heard of Twix. And many of you probably never heard of the Clark Bar. Anyway, everyone knows that if we were constitutionally restricted to one (1) candy, it would have to be Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. All you Twix freaks now have a moral obligation to go out and buy a month’s supply to keep your beloved candy in business.

Did you know the Red Sox traded Mookie? Zoinks!

Josh Allen? Not elite.

Cakes are cooking for Manfred Mann, Judith Sheindlin, Charlotte Caffey, Joey Harrington, and Kim Kardashian.

How many shares in the Red Sox do I have to buy to steal Linda from John? Would.

Steve Buckley coming out, and the fraud Ordway trying to come across as an advocate for sexual choice. He sat by silent while the revolving door of WEEI dickwads spewed anti-gay sentiment. Just recall when the gay marriage bill was in debate and how Glenn’s big ex-jock buddies ripped on that ad nauseum. They knew Buck was gay, and did this crap in his presence. Shame on Buck for his willingness to take a check at the expense of his own dignity, and shame on the gaggles of douchebags that put him in that dilemma. Don’t reinvent history and try to come off as supportive. All parties involved at WEEI are frauds and I’d expect nothing less at this point.

“Mother’s basement” is really a pre-WiFi insult. Now you can troll from anywhere in the house!

Also, I was today years old when I found out that Joe Buck is the son of Marv Albert. Gonna need a moment here.

Swishy. Sackface. And the Milkman’s Son. That’s it. That’s the post.

Last week, Dak Prescott gets hurt. This week, Dak Emrick announces his retirement. Some coincidence.

If Twix sponsored the ’67 Impossible Dream Red Sox Bobert would have crispy cookie and caramel smothered all over his mouth and down his chin every day.

You’re not changing my mind. In a way, never liking Kirk Minihane is an ADVANTAGE.

I wonder if there is a Boston Media Home for Little Wanderers? Butch Stearns and Pete Sheppard having morning coffee together. Doug Meehan cleaning the kitchen and complaining that Bob Lobel is a slob. Ted Sarandis coming home angry every night after yet another unsuccessful attempt to find a five dollar hooker.

Plain Black Hat is due to discover Midsommar next Summer.

Cool fall weather means it’s that time of year to stay inside, sit in a recliner in a dark room, and scratch your arms.

Tom Caron has always been a huge Liverpool FC. Yup, for sure, always.

If the day ends with a -y, then you can bet Trenni is on the hunt for men on Plenty of Fish.

He Got Game is retroactively bad because Ray Allen is a cunt.

Howdy, Taggers, Invisoneers, WordPressers and Slackers! This weeks Phrase that Pays is ‘Value-Pak Slap Mags!’ Honkies!

Does anyone know the fall hours at Whalom Park?

Can’t wait for the Red Sox Ownership Group to introduce Wally’s latest relative, ‘Financial Flexibility!’

Zoomy Zubes!

Mouse-wife to Mom-shell in the time it took to get that new tattoo,
tattoo, tattoo!

Well actually, the building is no longer structurally sound and a family of 6 squirrels is now homeless. In this economy? How will they survive? This is what happens in Trumps America.

“Behind the Scenes at WCVB” That’s a book I’d buy…
-Amalia Barretta…was she the reason for the breakup of Chet and Nat?
-Frank Avruch…was he really a legendary swordsman?
-Derm Keohane…most knew him as the ugly guy in the small box doing sign language on the morning news before closed captioning was invented…what you don’t know is what a prick he was!!!
-Clark Booth…did he really have a larger porn stash than Bin Laden?
-Captain Bob…his scandalous secret life and X-Rated etchings!!!
-Jim Boyd…the shocking items he hid in his afro!

UMass football probably needed more practice time, too.

When are we finally going to cancel Pete Blackburn for misappropriation of gay culture?

Honk if you remember Mr. Magoo.

You can’t WFH an RPO!

Merloni, with his dyed facial hair and mop is resembling “the Great Svengarlic”, the fraudulent hypnotist that walked the Three Stooges out onto a flagpole.

It’s Wape Wice, for the good times.

Best bet for the weekend: Joe Buck overload.

If anyone needs me I will be out walking my pet rat, ‘Ronald.’

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesand #the15 were used in this column. Fare thee well, Robert LJ ‘HotDog’ “Bob from NH” Sandwich. You are missed.

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10/14/2020 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

This is Titletown, not a Second Banana Town.

Honestly, throwing a COVID party if you are an NFL team isn’t a bad idea. Other than the lawsuits and fines and loss of draft picks and lifetime ban.

Joe Haggerty would take a victory lap over the Bruins not signing Taylor Hall but his doctors have strongly advised against it.

When Twitter’s algorithm is tech-splaining journalism to people IN the media, we have a problem. Their engineers don’t understand clickbait and the process of disseminating legit sources better than I do. If I wanna call out BS with a quote tweet, that’s my prerogative.

Play the goal-scorers, Coach Arena!

Saddened to hear about the loss of Joe Morgan. I still remember his magic in ’88. Six, two, and room temperature. Rest in peace.

Cakes are cooking for Ralph Lauren, Greg Evigan, Beth Daniel, Keith Byars, and Arleen Sorkin.

News Item: Tractor-trailer hauling bananas rolls over on Massachusetts Turnpike in Boston.

Unfair! Give Pat the ball!

Orange Line Update: Trains are returning to regularly scheduled service.

Dew they still brew Michelob, non Ultra?

#KirkWasRight

Now I have to go watch a Keith Olbermann clip just to see if he says ‘YouTube’ with the same disgust in his voice as Jack Horner when he says ‘videotape’.

The Patriots REALLY don’t want to play Denver.

NFL water carrier blurb intentionally left blank. Free RapSheet!

Julie DiCaro should read a book.

I guess I’m happy for Not-Donald Sutherland Guy? Question mark?

Alex Smith comes back Sunday. Dak Prescott gets seriously injured. Coincidence?

I feel that WEEI has short-sightedly denied all of us an incomprehensible Larry Johnson artwork of a tree twirling a coach’s whistle on a lanyard.

BOCHTOBERFEST!!

Hey there negative testing gang! This week’s Phrase that Pays is “domino effect.”

Knock-Knock. ‘Who’s there?’ No one really; it’s a set-up leading to a humorous outcome, often contingent on a play on words!

After he passes, and the Nets win a title, can they say they won it for Mike Tyson?

Jane Wiedlin; you lost it, kid!

#LetBSPCook. Only if she wants to. She’s not obligated to cook. Obviously.

Favorite UFC KO? The next one. KWAPOW!!

I love my leaf blower that pushes 950 cfm and goes through a gallon of mix fuel in under 90 minutes.

Sue Bird. That’s it; that’s the post.

Peace up, A-Town down,
Yeah, ok, lil’ Jon Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah.

Who does Chris Berman look like now? Because it isn’t Chris Berman.

Bring back the veggie burger, Fenway!

Wait, I’m just not feeling my joints crack, other people can hear that?

I bet Bob Ryan enjoyed that bonus Tuesday NFL match.

Bummed.

Commas, how do they work?

A: Clyde Lovellette.

I want to run my team in Rogue Franchise mode in Madden 21.

Honk if you remember Roy Firestone.

I forgot to send Upton Bell a birthday card. I hope that doesn’t now make my team of writers all free agents!

NESN, always fair and balanced.

It wasn’t a muscle cramp Tony Romo. At all.

Hey stupid, maybe go running on Angel Moroni Boulevard, instead of way the hell out there on Puma Path.

Best bet for the weekend: An NFL source making Chris Mortensen look dumb.

Now they have time to star Off-Broadway in Iron Man: The Musical.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesand #the15 were used in this column. And thank you to that demented Minifan who feels the to need to track @BJBSJournal’s follower count. We used to make the interns do that.

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10/07/2020 Vigilantly Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer Phase 3 Step 2 (Lower Risk Communities)

Oh my God! TRAMAPOLINE! TRUMBOPALINE!!

Upside to this Covid stuff is it gives Cam Newton some time to heal up that hamstring.

It took Glenn ‘Doc’ Rivers 72 hours to get a new gig. Marisa Ingemi remains on the market.

Alex Verdugo didn’t start on opening day!

Let me guess, all the doctors all said they’ve never seen an immune system so powerful! Just tremendously so.

Know what goes smooth with a pandemic? Tequila, that’s what.

Sometimes I feel like I have to hide my gifts to dumb it down to be a blogger. I study philosophy, I’m a scholar, I’m a nerd by trade, I just happen to be great at blogging because…

When you make fun of Trump by citing a very specific brand of skin bronzer, you may need some self reflection.

Cakes are cooking for John Cougar Mellencamp, Vladimir Putin, Judy Landers, and Dwayne Provo.

OMF 3.7 rating. Futility Lou is going to have to switch to store brand shoe polish.

Wait a second, BJ Deen is still a thing? How? Why?

I think instead of putting up the storm windows, folks now have their lawn sprinkler system winterized to signal the end of baseball season for the Red Sox.

Albert Haynesworth wasn’t called a ‘former Patriots player’ in any of the headlines about his arrest?

Kate Hudson is proof women with small boobs can be beautiful too.

Is that new Jake from State Farm on the same training regimen as Luke Voit?

Ha ! Hack Clown lol NAZI!!

So when a filly wins a Triple Crown Race, is the purse only 83% what a stallion would earn?

Bills just cut O’Hannon. They must really like the Polynesian kid at guard.

@stever324. Owning.

Could we give some of those Trump roids to Uppy and Eddie?

Big Norah O’Donnell fan.

You know who deserves another go-round at WEEI? Pete Sheppard.

Hmm. (nods) Peanut Tillman. Yes. I see. (nods)

Not happy with Brian Hoyer. Six seasons in Bill Belichick’s womb, and THAT is the result?

Wait, Cam Newton buys his canary yellow undertaker hats at the mall?

MCI, LAX, MHT, MCO, MDW, BOS, RSW…all of us at BJBSJ are also experts in airport codes bro.

“Hospital Balls and cover 2 RPOs will lead to many spider 2y bananas tonight, callers” – Sportney Fallon

Apfelkuchen!

Bill o brien..donesko..another failed belichick disciple

I say
I don’t like cricket oh no
I love it
I don’t like cricket no no
I love it
Don’t you walk thru my words
You got to show some respect
Don’t you walk thru my words
‘Cause you ain’t heard me out yet.

Brick and mortar retail is struggling, and Cam gets that. Thank you, Cam.

Honk if you remember week 4 of the 2014 NFL season.

Chris Gasper enjoys Hocus Pocus.

WEEI needs a fresh voice. I think Mikey Adams might just be the guy they are looking for.

Wait a minute. Can we take a second and discuss how the fuck BJ Dean is a real thing? How? Why, and furthermore Susan, faking the gay for internet clout seems highly problematic IMO.

Theodore S?

I know it’s the trite and obvious answer, but Eddie was always my favorite Van Halen lead guitarist. Rest in peace.

Pray for Easterby. Or against him. Your choice.

Best bet for the weekend: Remdesivir.

Edward. Lodewijk. Van Halen.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesand #the15 were used in this column. Done on my Android phone when my laptop wouldn’t connect to the inta-net.

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09/30/2020 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Nah. Can’t be.


The Association is going to gift the Lakers championship #17* because Kobe didn’t want to take the 101. Gentleman’s sweep of Miami incoming, book it.

Presidential debates just hit different.

Unbelievably, it seems like Minihane is a petty vindictive asshole who burns everyone around him. Who knew?

Pick up the looper on the stunt!

According to my Twitter feed, a lot of things cost more than $750.

Doc must really feel unloved now.

Dan Lifshatz’s win percentage went from astronomical to almost zero the moment his bets started to be independently tracked. Completely coincidental. Look for him to bounce back with a strong October.

Greenwich is the Seabrook of Connecticut. Very working class.

Cakes are cooking for Monica Bellucci, Jeremy Giambi, Martina Hingis, and T-Pain.

Good Sunday morning to the lovely ladies at #WCVB @kellyannwx @wcvbrhondella @Jennifer_Eagan. No chicken wings today (unfortunately) but we’re having chili dogs and pizza for the #Patriots game. Hoping my man Cam Newton has a big game today. heart heart heart

The word on the street is that Dale Arnold is quietly pushing for WARRIOR Ice Arena to be used as a polling station.

The #Texans had 5 safeties they planned to work out, including Earl Thomas. The workout is now TBD. With no deal in place and nothing imminent, Houston focuses on its next game and Earl Thomas’ wait continues.

Imagine being Nick Cattles and having to pretend that Greg Bedard is this wise old football sage that you’re lucky to receive weekly pearls of wisdom from, and then looking down to see you have six viewers.

I’ll vote for whichever one of these geezers is the first to offer Chris Wallace a Werther’s Original.

Least likeable Stanley Cup winner since Montreal in 1993.

Ms. Tanya Ray Fox is losing followers for being a good person, and YOU need to know about it!

Two weeks bereavement, Jimmy? Get over it!

For a TV on-air talent Abby Chin had the two things that we, her viewers valued in her abilities; we loved her and we trusted her.

Steve Buckley really loves telling the story absolutely nobody asked for.

Does Bellevue recruit from the KMS or vice versa?

Patrick Mahomes is a Planet Player. I wonder if enough people realize this.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is is “Andy Reid’s Endless Bags of Tricks!”

Pro Tip: You aren’t required to thank the championship winning city & team on Twitter! Honest!

Was N’Keal Harry telling Cam Newton about his fantasy football team?

We own it.

Only really be outraged about Breonna Taylor unless you’re 6 wins from winning an NBA title, AMIRITE?

Introducing the Table Boston challenge. Can you buy a meal there for less than $750?

Steve!

Dickerson said he was going away forever right? Pretty sure he said that.

Now our luck may have died and our love may be cold but with you forever I’ll stay. We’re goin’ out where the sands turnin’ to gold, now put on your stockings cause the nights gettin’ cold and everything dies, baby, that’s a fact but maybe everything that dies someday comes..back.

The Sandlot is a fine movie…if you’re 8 years old or a pedophile.

9/27/77 Game 2. Sox 5 Tor 1. Looie, Looie! 7 shutout IP. Stanley starts the 8th, but Campbell has to bail him out after Roy Howell HR and Ron Fairly 2B leaves men on second and third. Sox have now won 8 of 9. TOG: 2:33. Yes. a doubleheader in a combined 4:50.

Getting crowded at BJBSJ HQ, and at the Alternate Site.. May have to invest in bunkbeds.

Honk if you remember civil political discourse.

Just saying: last week’s episode of @EntitledTown was easily their best ever!

Yellow Labs are such windowlickers.

Best bet for the weekend: no-look UNDERHAND passes! Have you EVER!?

Yiiiikes.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesBobert, Larry L, Josh M. and #the15 were used in this column. Put down that Busch Light.

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Sox Season Settled, Seatwarmer Sacked

Aloha means Goodbye, Steve Roenicke.

“It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall all alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops.” -Bart Giamatti

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09/23/2020 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Allegiant Stadium *is* breathtaking.

Jason Whitlock is wrong about a lot of things. Katie Nolan being a complete zero? That’s not one of them.

Only a despicable ghoul would ‘can confirm’ James White’s father dying in an auto accident. RIP, Miami-Dade Police Captain Tyrone White.

And teasing a report of positive COVID test in the NFL? What is wrong with you people?!

No one is talking about how the Red Sox are going to set a new team record for fewest losses.

Can Doris Burke take Ginsberg’s seat on the Supreme Court?

Why doesn’t the Al Davis Memorial Torch come with granny glasses on a chain?

Paul’s Boutique is the best Beastie Boys record. I have the data.

Since Jeff Benedict is too scared to say it in his new book Dynasty, John Tomase is the Herald reporter who dreamed up the false story of the taped Rams walkthrough. That’s J-O-H-N T-O-M-A-S-E. John Tomase.

Cakes are cooking Marty Schottenheimer, Bruce Springsteen, Maren Jensen, Karl Pilkington, and Anneliese Van der Pol.

(SBD Football link goes here)

A network TV program getting nominated for an Emmy must feel like an AFC team reaching the Super Bowl in the mid 90’s.

Fall – not unlike tequila if you ask me.

All those injuries due to the MetLife Stadium turf? I hope nothing happens as a result of that to the sainted Mara family!

Update: They just called a foul on Theis.

I don’t want to say Rob Gronkowski is washed up, but he does endorse Tide Pods!

#LetChaimCook

Dynasty by Jeff Benedict is the best book I’ve ever read about Bob Kraft’s college bachelor years.

This. Leagie.

Is it sustainable for Ben Volin to conduct this much film study for a full 16 games? Just asking the question.

Walter Dyer is NOT Leather?

Aaron Rodgers has skateboarder calves. Eat an avocado one time. Weirdo.

I wonder if Mike on Route 1 ever thinks about the joy he stole from the world when he murdered our wittle angel?

How did no one submit a pic of Whitey to turn into a cardboard cutout to place in the stands at Fenway?

Dallas? Dallas has a hockey team? GTFO.

‘Aroused Blogger Chard Finn’ does has a certain ring to it

After listening to Kirk’s “defense” of Blind Mike the other day, odds that BM kills himself have been taken off the board.

Did the Antifa Marching Band perform at halftime at the Pats/Seahawks tilt?

Hope you had a pleasant autumnal equinox. That’s right: I say ‘autumnal.’

Hey hey hey, ba de ya, say do you remember?
Ba de ya, dancing in September,
Ba de ya, never was a cloudy day.

Pivettamania!

Hey gang of unasked-for sequel makers, today’s Phrase that Pays is “Climate change is making them highly aggressive toward everything!”

Land sakes, Ma; you buy a dedicated loaf of bread each week to feed the birds, you don’t have to give them the hamburger rolls too!

I could probably win an Emmy, if they carved out an entire category for me.

From the period of September 13th-19th, the NFL administered a total 36,664 tests to players and team personnel. A total of five tests were positive, with ZERO positive tests amongst players. Continued good work, dedication and discipline by all involved.

Honk if you remember Lum’s.

Yes, yes, we get it with the clever headlines, Bob Kraft is going to get off. Verrry droll.

Go see Tenet in a theater.

BC Football is back, baby!

BJBSJ was, in part, inspired by Katie Nolan doing whatever she does.

Best bet for the weekend: Frank Caliendo. Sigh.

Happy Mo Lewis Day, everyone.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesand #the15 were used in this column. No deposit no return.

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09/16/2020 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Green Team Generals.

It’s like I always say; you have no margin for error when playing Game One of the Eastern Conference Finals against the Miami Heat at the NBA bubble in September.

Yawn. I like US Open tennis final matches that build up America.

Someone please tell Steve Roenicke that tanking teams are supposed to lose.

‘Cam Newton might have run for three touchdowns, if he had eaten a ham sandwich pregame.’ – Ben Volin, probably.

How are the spiders getting into the house?

I’ve made a slight change to the pronouns in my bio and that’s all I’m gonna say about that.

Terry Bradshaw shouldn’t buy any green bourbon whiskey. 

Cakes are cooking for Rosemary Casals, Lenny Clarke, Robin Yount, and Alexis Bledel.

Nat Weiner is a free agent. Hard to believe.

Might be too little too late Islanders.

Well, I for one though Dan McNeil was complementing Maria Taylor’s ‘fit!

Does Fitzy have another personal account where he tweets about all his Greek aunts and how they do funny dances at weddings and try to put stuffed grape leaves in every meal?

Personally, I watch every non-live-sports show on NESN.

Whomever it is … Andy Reid or Eric Bienemy, they have some great route concepts!

Suddenly, there is a real RB market. With Christian McCaffrey leading the way and Joe Mixon, Dalvin Cook and Alvin Kamara more recently, the best backs in the NFL are getting paid.

Netflix should make a Cuties 2 starring Griffin Holt and Deuce Tatum.

Gunter glieben glauchen globen.

Always enjoy dweebs on the socials racing to be the first to say ‘don’t blame the refs’ right after the refs do something ghastly.

Sure TikTok is ChiCom spyware and is normalizing filming things in portrait mode, that’s probably why they’re advertising during NFL games. 

I’m already furious about the paltry return Boston is going to get trading away Tanner Houck.

Don’t google Payne Stewart.

With Halloween around the corner, a suggestion that a white sock, some ketchup, and a mask around your neck makes for both a timely and nostalgic costume.

That Skyrizi (Risankizumab-rzaa) song is catchy.

Knock-Knock. ‘Who’s there?’ Mason Sousa. ‘Mason Sousa who?’ EXACTLY.

Anytime you can throw your new superstar QB under the bus you have to do it. If that was one of Archie’s boys he did that to, Coach Kangol would already be fired.

Schweppervescence!

So I check my second fantasy football team and the guy I’m playing, get this, he had Miles Sanders, you know, on the Eagles? in his starting lineup, and he was listed as ‘out’ due to a hamstring, and I was like, you gotta pay attention pregame injury announcements dude, and then I look at my third team, the one that was autodrafted, and wouldn’t you know it, Sanders was in MY starting lineup! I still somehow won that game. Classic.

Hello Fellow nepotists, the phrase That pays this Week is “Mike , Turn put the Lights the Tampa Party is over.”

Breer DIAF. How’s that for a hip nickname?

Timely Threes! Until they weren’t.

Do you qualify for your SAG card if you appear in a Fitzy ‘Shit Pats Fans Say’ video?

Slim-fit shirts. Is that aspirational, or just poor business to be selling those to America? Good luck.

Ted Johnson’s face is its own positive PED test.

Johnny Most’s kid should throw Ordway down the the stairs. Grandkid?

Kirk is so mad he’s gonna hold his breath until he dies and then Skip will be soooooo sorry!

Things are gettin’ clearer, yeah I feel free, to bare my skin, yeah that’s all me. Nothing and me, go hand in hand. Nothing on my skin; that’s my new plan. Nothing is everything.

Honk if you remember V66.

Who relived cloud-yeller emeritus Bob Ryan from the journalistic trenches so he could have a gay time watching Johnny Weir?

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but Fentanyl is bad.

Never walk by the electric meter when the AC compressor and the washing machine are both running. Thing was spinning like a gyroscope.

Brie Larson is not driving that Nissan Sentra in a safe manner. She can forget Jake from State Farm, she will be lucky to have the General provide her an auto insurance policy.

Diagnosing football injuries while drinking Franzia on your couch isn’t being ‘in sports’. Sorrey!

Prime rib? Overrated.

Rest in peace, Jeannette Belichick.

Best bet for the weekend: a tied series.

MYKE!!

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesCoach, and #the15 were used in this column. Contents may settle during shipping.

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09/09/2020 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Less than ideal. Stay safe.

I hope the recorded sound guys at Gillette Stadium remember the crowd doesn’t ever get loud there.

Chelsea Handler may be a vacuous lush, but she wasn’t maneuvered into defending the easily disprovable ‘there are no Confederate flags in Maine! None whatsoever!’ position.

‘Don’t get cocky, Boston fans; remember Yogi’s law!’ Aw, stuff a sock in it, Bob.

You what the world needs right now? More NFL power rankings!

If it didn’t feel like a real season before, it surely doesn’t now that Andy Biceps wont be with us the rest of the way.

Get well soon, Ted Wayman.

Fitzy definitely put the maloika on the Celtics. Wait, is that Irish or Greek?

Cakes are cooking for Joe Theismann, Leslie Thompson, Adam Sandler, and Emma de Caunes.

Stick tap to the most explosive gender reveal party ever!

Now can they let Brady trademark ‘Tom Terrific’?

My official ranking are:

  • 1. Auerbach
  • 2. Wooden
  • 3. Burke

…but Doris is climbing!

When do they announce who the officials are going to be for the Celtics/Raptors Game Six?

Fred in and Blind Mike out. Meh.

You have two kickers when you have 2 kickers.

Robert. Gordon. Dalbec.

Did all the ticket scalpers get arrested? What happened to those guys?

Blehhh! Derek Rivers feel good story! Blehhhh!!

Maybe the Lightning is just really good at scoring goals.

If you aren’t suicidal, do you really deserve to be on any podcast?

Gamesmanship!

Welcome to Phase 3 Step 1 Somerville. Where ya been?

It’s ‘corps’, you idiots.

Did John Dennis have Tommy John surgery on his liver? What’s taking so long?

Trees are full of wood, and water.

If you watch Pete Blackburn play video games on Twitch you let the terrorists win.

Kudos to Plain Black Hat for introducing Beantown to an obscure program named Cobra Kai.

Chin up, Midshipmen. The Penobscot Expedition was a worse defeat.

Hope Solo wasn’t elected into the National Soccer Hall of Fame? Outrageous! Also; we have a National Soccer Hall of Fame?

A girls’ weekend in NYC and nobody invited DJ Bean? Smh.

Congrats to Proud Boy Steve Robinson on being the most sane person associated with the Kirk Minihane Podcast. I guess.

Stoolgreenie. That’s it; that’s the joke.

Every night I come home exhausted from trying to get along. I need some sentimental hygiene. Everybody’s joining up to fight for the right to be wrong. I need some sentimental hygiene

Hey gang of ink-stained wretches, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Willie decked Clayborn.”

So EA Sports has added Kaep to Madden21? Why not add Zolak, too?

How dumb was the Harvard Extension College admittee? She though Lou Brock was the mascot for Slippery Rock University.

Honk if you remember League specific MLB umpires.

If you’re a New York Baseball Yankee fan trying to find the silver lining in these struggles, throw @MichaelParente a follow. Medicine for the soul.

There is nothing that gives you away as a poor more than asking for the WiFi password at a bar or restaurant.

Tawm picked Meghan as his new Quick Slants co-host. It’s like he didn’t even know Marisa is looking for work.

Von Miller couldn’t bribe the MRI man?

Picture this; a third sports radio station featuring headliners Upton Bell and Ted Sarandis. Make this happen.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but Arrested Development stinks!

Best bet for the weekend: Huge Pats fanz everywhere will yell Fire Belichick within the first two series.

This is just crazy enough to work.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Twitch, other writers, league and team sourcesand #the15 were used in this column. And Chiggsy.

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2020 Labor Day Playlist

(New Songs Being Added All Weekend!)

Dear BJBSJ Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is a musical playlist for your Labor Day Weekend enjoyment. Click HERE to download. Songs to enjoy as you stay six feet apart and, because you’ve been so good with following the rules, you can listen in any order. Suggestions for additional tracks are welcomed.

It’s ovah.
  • Watermelon – Mezerg
  • I’ll Drop Tears For Ya – Cancel Culture Club
  • This is Mitch Moreland – Gabby Guthrie
  • Dick Move – Chico and the Baseball Boys
  • Snoop TKO – Teddy Suyourass
  • 25 or 6 to 4 – TC and the Final Scores
  • Shipping Up to Hymietown – The Droptears McNultys
  • Silly Summer Tourney – Saldo Nova
  • Seatwarmer – Steve Roenicke and the Marked Men
  • Wide Right – The 3 Percenters
  • Good Rockin Tonight – Commander Sarandis and His Retractable Dome Air Patrol
  • The Mins Are Alt Right – The Whom
  • Mama Said Knock You Out – Team Simone
  • In the Year 2020 – Zager and Absolutely No Evan’s
  • Eight and Eight Here We Come – TJM and the Technicolor All-Stars
  • Dave’s Not Herr – Jewel (acoustic)
  • Do You Know the Way to BJBSJ? – The Massachusetts State Police Marching Band
  • Franzia Energy – The Dear Wifeys
  • There Is Nothin’ Like A Dame – Cast of South Pacific
  • Never Learn Not To Love – The Beach Boys
  • Working (From Home) Man – Power Ceiling
  • Love Theme to Untitled Gary Tanguay Project – Burt Bacharach
  • Qwite Fwankly – Qwiet Wiot
  • Happy Worker Song – Shigeyoshi Wholesome Entertainment and Vending Concern Song Group
  • Jeepin’ N Weepin’ – Drivin N Cryin
  • A Spoonful of Sugar – OBF and the 3 Livers
  • There’s One Good Sunday For Apple Picking, And This One Just Ain’t It – The Postermen
  • The Last Belt Notch Blues – The Quarantine Fifteen
  • Josie (Is Not the Name of This Song) – W.A. Brown
  • Stuck Truck Blues – Norton Adams & The State Collegians (Live)
  • Bellingham to Boston – The Seven Dollar Meatballs
  • Summer Dollars – Amity High School Concert Band
  • We Will Follow You Into the Dark – Deathcab for Kirkie
  • The Boys of Summer –Tru C Royle
  • BHP – Brie2Brie (with Fun Uncle Carlos)
  • Bass Rocks – Willie Alexander
  • On Top of Spaghetti – Pasta & The Good Kids
  • Paddle Board (live w/ monologue) – Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band
  • Family Emergency – Bubble Poppin’ Tuukkas
  • We Gefilte This City – Starrship
  • I Hope You Weren’t Driving Also – Regular Brian and the Granite State Finger-Wags
  • Sweater Girl Weather – Pneumatic Uzbeks
  • Shock Jock Talk – Royal Jen & The Planning Board
  • B-hole Pics – Asstec Camera
  • Killing Him Softly With My Picks/ Bill the GM
  • Cause I’m Black Y’all – Elle D
  • Summertime – UnderLemon: A Tribute to Badfish (with Splenda Rae)
  • (I May) Lie Down Again – The Dear Wifeys
  • Ratted and Shunned – Dave Brown and His Band of Renown
  • Night Scratching – R.E.M.D.A.W.G.
  • No Money No Problems – The Rabbi’s Daughter
  • It’s Designed to Break Your Heart – Lady BoSox and the Little Green Monsters
  • Storm Window SZN – The Hot Stovers
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09/02/2020 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

What in Hell is this? Is this one of those Disambiguation posts? Where’s Black Manta?

Incredible work by the NBA reporters and analysts on the air right now. Reacting in real time to a historic situation. Well done by all involved on what’s a difficult day.

Meh. Time to get ready for a real quest for the Stanley Cup in 2021 anyway.

Allow us a moment to provide a barely related anecdote so that we can insert ourselves into the death of someone famous.

Did Plain Black Hat Morning Zookeeper discover The Fours today? Honestly, I had no idea they had other locations. You learn something new everyday Danny. I’ll take a Brock Holt Pita Pocket please.

Maybe we haven’t been clear about this: Marisa Ingemi doesn’t have a job.

Have a little self-respect Nick Nurse, if that is your real name.

Cakes are cooking for Glen Sather, Steve Porcaro, Keanu Reeves, and Salma Hayek.

Will Fred Toucher appear on Intervention? The therapist could bring a giant WALLDICK head! Zoinks!

I say a linesman should have licked Maroon’s skate, see if he was in the crease. #pudding

Wow, Kirk Minihane really DESTROYED <insert Barstool b-list personality here> this week, didn’t he?

With Heath Hembree and Kevin Pillar being traded, the last tenuous, imaginary link to the 2004 Red Sox team is gone.

There’s nothing worse than misplacing your Montgomery Ward catalog. And right before the sales tax holiday! My new 28 inch Magnavox console TV will have to wait.

Twenty Years as an Intern: The JStew Story. Sad.

Logan Ryan bided his time, changed agents, and lands at a perfect place. His familiarity with #Giants coach Joe Judge helped. In the end, Ryan stays home and NYG gets a ton of veteran help.

Hey bruce Cassidy..the honeymoon is over for you pal

Doctor Shiva? That’s not a Senate candidate name. That’s a supervillain name.

Hey wokesters and wokistas! This week’s Phrase that Pays is “Adele’s Bantu knots highlight the fine line between cultural appropriation and appreciation.”

The Shea Concrete podcast is definitely in my top five precast concrete industry podcasts, maybe top three.

So Janet Wu is nuts, apparently. And allegedly.

Missed the story of Drag Race legend Chi Chi DeVayne’s death a couple weeks ago. A sad day for motorsports.

PLAYER X >>> Player To Be Named Later.

A cinnamon sugar rim? On an Oktoberfest? This is a question? C’mon bartendress. Be better.

Say what you will about OJ Simpson, but the man’s body language was above reproach. What?

Woman! Physically fit, Physically fit. Physically-Physically-Physically-Physically

That’s just Cushy being Cushy.

Marc(k) James, he clearly doesn’t know what unwanted attention is.

The Red Sox now need a new Jimmy Fund Captain… again.

Tuukka wouldn’t have stopped those freak deflections or seen those screened pucks, either, you dum-dums.

But why would Bonnie Bramlett lie about what Elvis Costello said?

Unblock me, Evan Lazar you coward!

Bill Simmons will always remember the late John Thompson threatening to kill then-UMass coach John Calapari, probably.

Honk if you remember The Fours.

I worry the spirit of Weird Celtics Twitter died a while ago.

Happy Luxury Tax Reset Day, Red Sox fans! Buy your commemorative t-shirts here! So good! So good! So good!

That Vanessa Welch is freckly.

Best bet for the weekend: poorly-made mint julips.

It’s funny because they let Mookie go for pennies on the dollar!

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Insta, other writers, league and team sourcesand #the15 were used in this column.

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