Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 8/7

A pool and a pond.

Because if you don’t clean it out the numrods will get stagntic..

We made it to August, gang. Pro Football returns soon. Tomorrow, to be precise.

If you think about it, no team really defends a championship.

Did Tom Brady Sr. donate hair follicles to Dr. Leonard? Just askin’.

That Sam Kennedy is doing a bang up job as WEEI Program Director.

This upcoming MLB Players Weekend has a very Office Space “Oh, and Friday is Hawaiian shirt day!” vibe to it. IMO.

I don’t foresee any overreaction the the news Tom and Gisele want to sell their Brookline property. At all.

Red Sox are gonna win eight in a row and get right back into this thing.

Apparently something is going on with Kirk Minihane and his new podcast home at Barstool Sports and yawn. Don’t care; can’t make me care.

Someone should do a podcast about how entitled local sports fans have become.

Springfield’s Own Nick Buoniconti seemed to be too decent a guy to have been a ’72 Dolphin.

Curran should have called the Brady household and warned Benny that another team-friendly deal means no new Lego sets ever.

That Hobbs and Shaw move looks preposterous. There; I said it.

People claiming the Red Sox problem is the bullpen may lack a basic understanding of the term ‘bullpen’.

I sometime wonder if that poor Kennedy family is cursed.

So can a growing disconnect be like a collapsed lung?

So because of one turtle with a cocaine problem, no one can have regular straws anymore?

You can tell a lot about a player by their reaction to a joint practice.

Cakes are cooking today for Bruce Dickinson and Mike Trout.

If Tom Brady wanted to, I bet he could find some great real estate bargains on Cape Cod what with everyone taking Plain Black Hat Zookeeper’s advice and abandoning the area.

Four Celtics on the Team USA roster? Fine by me.

Popovich/Kerr 2020! Who’s with me?

You can have Elisabeth Moss, I’ll take Carrie Anne Moss.

When are they going to start construction of the Wahlburgers on the MGM Springfield property? People want to know!

All the dogs that were named after Tedy Bruschi are most likely dead by now. That makes me sad.

Add CFL free agent Taquan Houseboat to my list of Favorite Sports Names.

Honk if you remember Scammy Jenkins.

So which Fantasy Football guide magazine is the best to buy right now?

Have a safe Victory Day next Monday, Ocean Staters.

Best bet for the weekend; thunderstorms.

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The Long-Awaited Explanation

Our readers deserve to know wha’ happened.

People will see what they want to see. Often to the point of missing what else is also there right in front of them.

It started before Memorial Day. A test to see how perceptive our readers are. In the ‘Holiday Weekend Public Service Announcement’, in a post ostensibly reminding people that the Memorial Day Weekend was about thanking the troops (spoiler: it’s not), I wanted to include a picture of some troops. Not American troops, but those of our #1 geopolitical foe, Russia, as a test of visual acuity. A stock photo of some goose-stepping Russian special forces on parade was found, and added to the post.

all these Spetznaz troops would later die in a February 2018 “training accident” in Syria. USA! USA!

No one noticed. until somewhat later.

In early July, after a rambling blog post/manifesto/suicide note from Scott Kacsmar gave people a friendly reminder of The Journal, I thought it would be fun to slip another hidden message into one of the Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer columns. The die was cast.

I spoke with Managing Editor Steve Bosell about adding the hidden message, and it was decided to add some padding around the message. As Winston Churchill eloquently said; truth is so precious it should be attended with a bodyguard of lies. It was concluded that the padding would be intentionally controversial, and with the July 4th holiday approaching, President Donald Trump’s planned ‘military parade’ was on everybody’s mind. So the plan was to arrange the column so that the first letter of consecutive sentences would spell out MAGA and then TRUMP. *

However, unbeknownst to me, Editor Bosell unilaterally decided that if one MAGA and one TRUMP was funny AND created controversy (and pageviews), than THREE MAGA’s and TWO TRUMP’s would be even better. So some of my intended content was scrapped, and some strangely phrased musings added.

If no one had noticed, as they hadn’t with the Russian troops picture, everything would have been fine. But perceptive readers, such as Chris Staiti (@realStaiti) and particularly Brad Rifkin (@RightAt_TheTime)** did notice, and noticed the Russian troops picture, and took great offense, perhaps understandably. Of course, being away of vacation during this time prevented me from conducting a full investigation into the matter until recently.

Suffice to say we here at The Journal have learned our lesson, and will not do anything of the like going forward.

But what was the actual ‘hidden message’ that was lost in all the MAGA TRUMP noise? It’s right there; between the 2nd MAGA and the 2nd TRUMP. A call out to everyone’s fave NESN personality;

TC.
TC!

That’s right, Mr. Tom Caron, bitches.

Patrick Scartelli is a columnist for BJBSJournal. He resides in Plainville, MA.

*- The notion that The Journal tacitly or explicitly blindly supports President Trump is ludicrous, much like the notion that the staff voted for him en masse in 2016. Such an occurrence would have been nigh-impossible, due to staff members variously being foreign nationals, precluded from voting due to state laws disenfranchising convicted felons, being on the ballot in opposition to then-candidate Trump and a multitude of other reasons that are both unique and sufficient.

**- Mr Rifkin’s twitter account regrettably appears to have been hacked.

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Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 7/31

Emptying out the sports vacation suitcase…

No one needs a vacation so much as the man who just had one. -Elbert Hubbard

I’m hearing that the Red Sox were in on everything.

Congratulations to Rodney Harrison on his induction into the New England Patriots Hall of Fame. We’re all glad we got you.

I wonder if Tom Brady posted that Instagram video of him and Viv jumping into the water knowing it would outrage a section of the population, and then he’d be motivated by their outrage, like Rodney was great at doing.

Weird how the ‘You are what your record says you are’ saying doesn’t apply to the guy who said it.

Best of luck on WZOU WEEI mornings to Hillman, and Danni, and Fitzy, and possibly another character borrowed wholesale from Touch & Rich’s show. ‘Sarge’ maybe. Zoinks!

Color me premature, but I think this Tacko Fall kid has the makings of a local folk hero.

Red Sox winning two of three from the Rays, and then three of four from the Yankees shouldn’t feel like a disappointment, but that’s the reality at the end of this July.

And I’m still not sure how accurate ESPN’s Strike Zone Box thingie is.

Not every Chiefs Fan is an ‘ew, Brady kisses his son! On the lips!’ weirdo, but every ‘ew, Brady kisses his son! On the lips!’ weirdo is a Chiefs Fan.

This is all I have to say about young Bronny and his AAU team; I have no idea what AAU stands for.

I bet Shirley Leung would love it if Mindy Kaling opened a microbrewery. Quirky!

Cakes are cookin’ today for Zac Brown and B.J. Novak!

Janos was cancelled? News to me.

Well I think it’s just the tops that Minihane let Blind Mike draw the t-shirt design they’re selling.

Could really use a ‘prove it’ year from Sony Michel. I mean, what’s this guy done?

It’s a shame they couldn’t have started production on Top Gun: Maverick back when Jimmy Garner was still alive.

We’ll see you when we see you, Kacey McDonnell. Aloha.

Best Patriots Coverage, or performance art? You decide!

It never fails to amaze me how many items require exactly one minute of cooking in a microwave.

I hope the Visionary Fenway Rooftop Gardens got watered enough during these recent heat waves.

Did I miss skinny ties coming back into and then out of fashion again?

Bootleg Barnicle says Filene’s Basement still has the best sales when you need a good pair of slacks.

Late July and the first rumblings of a ‘Changing of the Guard Atop the AFC East’ can be heard.

Big ups to Rhino Relocation out of Van Nuys, California. Great job, guys!

Zudy Apps Now?

Football returns in August.

My invite to The Ireland Fund’s Nantucket Celebration must have gotten lost in the mail.

Honk if you remember the Weylu in Saugus.

Best bet for this weekend: Short porch cheapies.

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Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 7/24

Note: Patrick Scartelli has returned from vacation, but is taking a mental health day today. In his place is an excerpt from good friend of The Journal, sportswriter Mr. Stanislas Tecumseh Darden, Jr. , with an excerpt from his forthcoming book, ‘406 Little-Known Beantown (& Foxborough) Sports Facts!’

books.

At one time, Yawkey Way was known as Jersey Street!

First baseman Bill Buckner’s costly error was in Game 6, not Game 7 of the 1986 World Series!

Celtics Hall-of-Famer Bill Russell was, in effect, traded for the Ice Capades!

And speaking of ice, the Bruins for many years played their home games at the Boston Garden, which has a smaller ice surface than the now standard 200′ x 85′!

Red Sox pitcher Bill “Spaceman” Lee was not an astronaut. The nickname derived from his ‘spacey’ personality!

The New England Patriots actually held a 3-0 in Super Bowl XX!

‘The Splendid Splinter” Ted Williams hit a home run in his final at-bat at Fenway Park!

Despite public perception to the contrary, Atlanta Hawks center Tree Rollins bit Celtics guard Danny Ainge, not the other way around!

The Boston Bruins won a deciding Game 7 versus the Vancouver Canucks in the 2011 Stanley Cup Championship!

Tom Brady was drafted by the Expos in 1995 as a catcher!

The initial of Tom & Jean Yawkey are written in Morse code on the Fenway Park manual scoreboard!

Mr. Robert ‘Bob’ Kraft owned Foxboro Stadium before he bought the New England Patriots!

NBA great Shaquille O’Neal played his final season with the Celtics!

Prior to the 1994 MLB realignment and addition of a so-called ‘wild card’ team, the Yankees and Red Sox were unable to face one another in the playoffs!

Patriots star Troy Brown has received a TD pass and recorded an interception from Drew Bledsoe!

A ‘Bruin’ is an archaic term for a brown bear!

At one time, Jersey Street was known as Yawkey Way!

Celtics GM Arnold ‘Red’ Auerbach drafted Indiana State player Larry Bird an year early!

The Boston Braves baseball team, not the Red Sox, originally helped launch the Jimmy Fund charity!

Gillette Stadium was originally going to be named CMGi Field!

The Boston Garden had no air conditioning!

The left field wall at Fenway Park is know colloquially as “The Green Monster!” It is 37.2 feet high!

The ‘Spoked B’ Boston Bruins logo contains eight spokes!

Boston was the home for one season to a USFL team, called the Boston Breakers!

Former Patriots linebacker Mike Vrabel scored 8 touchdowns with New England, on 8 receptions!

Red Sox great Dennis Eckersley has won a Word Series, a Cy Young Award, and been named the AL Most Valuable Player; as a member of the Oakland Athletics!

In the 1980 NBA Draft, the Celtics traded their #1 overall pick in a swap that netted them center Robert Parrish, and a pick used to select forward Kevin McHale!

Hockey great Robert Gordon ‘Bobby’ Orr signed his first contract with a Bruins farm squad at the age of fourteen!

The now-New England Patriots actually debuted as an American Football League team in 1960, called the Boston Patriots!

Danny Ainge is a Mormon!

Red Sox great Ted Williams was the last major leaguer to hit over .400 for the season, when he hit at a .406 average back in 1941!

College and NFL footballs, or ‘pigskins’, are actually made from cowhide!

Drew Bledsoe, the Patriots #1 overall pick in the 1993 Draft, was replaced as starting quarterback due to suffering an injury on September 23, 2001 by Tom Brady!

Baseball great George Herman ‘Babe’ Ruth played for both Boston baseball teams, the Red Sox at the start of his career, and the Braves at the end of it!

balls
Soon available!

Follow Mr. Darden at @StdSportswriter on Twitter.

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Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 7/17

Note: Patrick Scartelli is on vacation. And was rightly concerned about being Wally Pipp’ed by the wildly popular Mr. X from Framingham. So his guest column was a one-off. Today we have for a change of pace two different generations of sports fans, one, a member of The Greatest Generation, another, one of those oft-maligned Millenials. So without further ado, welcome Uppy and Starrfish:

Topic: The USWNT winning the Women’s World Cup:

Uppy: This is over US 2 Netherlands 0. Make sure the women get equal pay as the men who have done Nothing

The Women should get more. The men are absolute Failures in World Cup Competition

Starrfish: you say World Cup, all I hear is World Series

Megan Rapinoe should be empress of the universe or something

Topic: Rob Gronkowski’s rumored return:

Uppy

U: Fools Gold.Thise who continue to discuss The Phony Rob Gronkiwski Comeback. He is playing you. Get on with the real Spirts world like The Red Sox Collapse this year and one of the great tennis matches in History Yesterday

S: Needed a win last night, but make no mistake, the quality of the game speaks just as loudly if not louder than the end result.

Not good: not scoring after the 3rd

Also not good: giving up 8 runs to the Blue Jays

Topic: The Wimbledon Gentlemen’s Final Match.

U: Heart, Courage, Endurance. All things that you want to see in Sports we saw today. Bob Ryan is right there is nothing like it

Starrfish

S: I used to have panic attacks wondering if David Ortiz was going to leave us

U: After today don’t tell about Brady and Chara being in great shape for their age. Federer 5 HRs Of Pressure

S: Cora is just letting this happen

Topic: Do the Red Sox Still need another bullpen arm?

U: Why can’t we get Pitchers like Joe Kelly

S: You can be excited for Nathan Eovaldi to come back and still know the Red Sox need to upgrade the bullpen.

Actually, that’s how you should feel if you’re rational.

Topic: The late Boston Globe sportswriter Nick Cafardo.

U: I just heard about Nick Cafardo. He was one of the best human beings in the Business. It’s sad . RIP Nick

S: CRYING AT FENWAY RIGHT NOW

Nick Cafardo was my favorite sportswriter and a huge inspiration to me.

Topic: Steve Grogan

U: He wore a neckroll during his latter years with the Patriots

S: Everyone knows that.

Topic: Donald Trump

U: The British Ambassador is lucky he was uninvited by Trump to the Dinner tonight. It was the usual Dinner Burgers and Fries

S: He’s so uneducated and awful. 3 of the women were born in America and the 4th has been a citizen for decades.

He and his father made a habit of discriminating against minorities when they were building their real estate “empire” in NY. This is literally how he has always been, and it is so disgusting that he now represents our country to the world AND is emboldening racists here.

U: Trump’s Kristallnacht has started while children die at the Border

Every time I see Former GOV John Kasich I like what I see. If he was running for President he would get my Vote

Topic: Closing Thoughts?

U: Goodbye Coco it was a great run. You have a great future in front of you

S: We must protect Brock Holt at all costs

Thank you Uppy and Starrfish. Mr. Scartelli is scheduled to return next week.

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Cleaning out the Sports Junk Drawer 7/10

Note: Patrick Scartelli is on vacation. Filling in this week is Mr. X from Framingham. Our sincere thanks to Mr. X for not being deterred by the recent overblown controversy here at BJBSJ.

What up, Y’all?

This week is the dead week on the sports calender..to which. I need something big to happen..like the red sox trading Mollie Betts..that won’t happen…but it would be something

Can enes kanter have a open to the public cookout wherever he’s living in the Boston area

You know what would be great..if john smoltz would ask joe buck right now..what does government mean to you?

Here’s my problem with MLB They won’t change with the times Its not hard

The biggest takeaway from this past week in free agency is this..well two actually 1)the games next year will be entertaining as hell 2) the NBA for the first time in years has parity

My gosh can the L.A. angels week get any worse? Good lord

What the Lakers lost out on kwahi?

I’m trashing anybody still shooting off fireworks five days after the fourth of July is over..those people are begging to get jason Pierre pauled

Take a hike porcelblow..dfa him

Why? Doc can handle egos Brad cannot

Remember when Dwight was a big ticket free agent?

God speed Tedy Bruschi..you will be back on your feet..because I know you will

Dfa barnes

Wow Tony Massarotti must have skipped his Prozac meds this week..my boss and I are dying in the office right now..stay off of it the whole week mazz

CHRIS FAIL strikes again..as the red sox are going nowhere

Alex Morgan..will you marry me?

So the celtics not exactly a great week..but it wasn’t as bad as the knicks

Can’t wait till the state run media tells up the red sox never gave up and gave it the good old college try for two straight games vs Yankees in London #fthem

You want a medal jared?

Hey John Henry..how do you like them apples..you old fossil

Jackie Mac…she is becoming a favorite of mines..

I hate the British media

I’m praying felger walks into the studio with a Lakers jersey..just for one day

Apparently the white sox can’t catch routine fly balls

Here’s the bottom line..the bruins have to part ways with a core player this off-season..the nhl salary cap..is legit..and the bruins will feel it

I think the Mets and Knicks should hold a hot potato contest..it would be something to watch

Remember Fenway..booing is ok

A message to ProFootballTalk you can try to tell us Simms was not trolling all you want..I know this Simms didn’t make it in the NFL for a reason..

I am not listening to radio today….because I need to chill out. Things have not been well

I do not recall the last time..I have agreed with felger more than I do today..the celtics green teamers are frauds and I hope the Lakers win a title

I don’t like felger and do you actually have a point to make..that resembles a thought..cause I don’t have time for dumb people today

Message to the celtics…quit being so stagntic

And btw..can the media in this town stop going soft..how many times do we need to hear when someone like pasta fs up..we hear he is such a good kid…if I hear that one more time I’m getting my pistol..and going postal

Mr. X resides in framingham and lives rent free in you’re head..pal

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A Boston Baseball Twitter Disagreement

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Cleaning Out The Sports Junk Drawer 7/3

Sweeping up the spent sports Roman candles, fountains, black cats, and M-80’s..

More empty desks at BJBSJ?

Alex Reimer also hates Giant Glass.

Get us a REAL closer Dombrowski!

Aw, I had that Angels pitcher on my rotisserie team!

I already love this Not-Kyrie player the Celtics acquired.

The Dominican Republic’s Attorney General just announced that the Baby Ruth bar was so named after a former US President’s dead daughter, and not the most famous baseball player in the world back in 1921.

Terrible showing overseas, Red Sox.

Relief pitching has been problematic.

Up for a competition at punter, NE?

Marshall Hook: poor man’s Wallach, or rich man’s Hardy?

Podcasting circles are buzzing about the potential of Marc James. Untapped!

Linda Pizzutti (newspapers) and Megan Markle (duchessing) are a great example to all the working moms out there.

Tomorrow should be a great day for fireworks and watching people barbecue, if you like that sort of thing.

Megan Rapinoe has spent more time in the box than Tie Domi.

Andy Gresh never got a fair shake.

Greg Bernard’s vanity project is still solvent?

Alex Reimer has had more columns taken down than the South Tower.

The late Sports Talk Barry was a system tweeter. There; I said it.

Cakes are cooking today for Kevin Bacon and Liv Tyler.

‘Taco Fall!’ sounds like something Sad Diabeetle Bertrand says when he drops his lunch Fiesta Pak.

Racecar spelled backward is racecar.

Unusually frantic NBA free agency start.

Marc James has more experience with HR than Sadaharu Oh.

Poor Brad is going to get his heart broken.

Alex Morgan > Piers Morgan.

Bon voyage and ciao, Noel Acciari.

Nike is contributing to global warming, what with the making everyone burn their gear in protest.

Mutnansky sounded like the 3rd man, on his own show. Bad Look!

Antetokounmpo’s a legit MVP.

Gotta find an Esplanade spot early.

Ancient & Honorable Artillery Company, anyone?

Dogs are in search of a quiet safe space this week.

Honk if you remember the Red Sox winning the 2018 World Series.

Best bet for the weekend? Traffic at a standstill by the Bourne and Sagamore Bridges.

Note- Patrick Scartelli will be on vacation until July 23. Guest columnists have been arranged. Cheers!

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Important Announcement

It has been brought to our attention that several employees of The Journal have made one or more indelicate posts on their individual Twitter accounts. As a result, Managing Editor Steve Bosell has immediately fired the following individuals:

Craig Bernard, Head Writer

Ironhead334

BankruptWebGoof

Hugh Patrick Sfanbut

Bron

DesignatedKyle

Mr. Bosell has also fired Mr. Blonde, 14Grogan, and Sofascout1, which was difficult, as the don’t really work here.

These individuals were terminated thanks to a successful lobbying effort via a WordPress blog post by a Mr. Scott Kacsmar, a 33 year old man living in Pennsylvania.

Also thanks to Mr. Kacsmar’s yeomanlike effort, we are pleased to announce the hiring of PatriotsSBLII and scortes cortes, whoever he is. Due to the recent discoveries of their Twitter posting histories, we feel they are great additions and deeply aligned with our core values. (Neither writer is presently aware of their employment here.)

We expect no interruptions in the high-quality content you have come to expect from BJBSJ.

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Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 6/26

Performing an after-hours freelance necropsy on the Sports Shark, and cataloguing the stomach contents…

It’s like that old baseball saying goes; you can’t win the division, or the first Wild Card spot, or the second Wild Card spot in June, but you can lose the division, or the first Wild Card spot, or the second Wild Card spot in June. Only in baseball.

Some pretty ticky-tack penalties in that USWNT game, IMO. But a W is a W.

I don’t care how you spell it, that Marc James is a Capital ‘T’ talent.

I’m starting to wonder if Kyrie Irving wants to stay here after his latest Instagram post where he demanded ‘a better TD Garden video tribute than Isaiah Thomas got when he comes back next season with his new team.’ Weird.

Can you BELIEVE the voting for the All-Star Game? I know!

Does anyone know if there’s a listing of Harvard Alumni Venmo accounts? Asking for a friend.

Why doesn’t the claymation Bob’s Discount Furniture Guy have the same voice has the real life Bob’s Discount Furniture Guy? He did his own commercials for 30 years, we know what he sounds like. And that ain’t it.

I project Bruins draftee John Beecher to pot many a lovely wrister. Lordy!

Doris Burke is an American treasure. There, I said it.

Hyvästi means ‘goodbye’ in Finnish. So Hyvästi to you, and good luck, NESN’s Alex Kraemer.

Is it just me, or does it feel like the sun’s been setting later lately?

Color me surprised that the Minifans were so quickly able to acclimate themselves into being part of the Stoolie Auxiliary.

Someone as talented as Mark James deserves a larger audience. He does!

Just observed the 10th Anniversary of the untimely death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. Oh, and also Farrah Fawcett. To quote a coachman; “Farrah hadn’t been overshadowed like this since the Charlie’s Angels episode where Jaclyn Smith wore that white bikini.”

Is anyone besides me disappointed there wasn’t an overrated NHL Draft prospect named Puk Puk who had to wait an uncomfortably long time in the green room before being drafted? No? Just me? Okay.

Is there some weirdo corner of the internet where Aaron Rodgers partisans unconvincingly argue against Peyton Manning fans as to which one is the GOAT?

Looks like the Mindy Kaling-penned Amazon flick ‘Late Night‘ may not make back it’s advertising budget. Shame on you, Boston Globe.

Nice weekend to go down to the pond and chase bluegills and tommycods.

Add Wyoming State Lady Porcupines center fielder Mercedes Murphy to my list of Favorite Sports Names.

I sincerely hope ‘Reporter Evan’ Drellich succeeds in becoming the Alyssa Milano of his ‘Be Caring to Sportswriters’ hashtag campaign. #BeCaringToSportswriters

Did some checking, and was relived to find that Red Sox GM Dave Dombrowski isn’t out buying NESN employees Lexus SUV’s instead of paying for a closer. Whew!

But we still need a closer.

Enjoy your retirement Bob Ley. But feel free to stop by and delivery me a stern lecture anytime..pal.

Corgis are strange-looking dogs. But well-tempered.

A whole lot of networks and channels and whatnot are eventually going to look real stupid not realizing what a talented person Marck James is.

Amity, as you know, means ‘friendship.’

Honk if you remember the (un-vandalized) Reverse Curve sign.

Best bet this weekend? Yankees (and yanks) in London.

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