Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 9/11

The only AB we should be thinking about on this day is Ace Bailey.

Rather polite of the weather to turn fall-like just at the start of football season.

I’m going to be honest, when tweets and emails started going out about ‘Dumbo’ being fired, I thought something happened to Andy Hart.

A quarterfinals elimination loss by Team USA to France in the FIBA World Cup? Sacre bleu!

You know what; I’m starting to think the baseballs are juiced this season. I am!

Kind of short-sighted by HOK Sport to have designed Gillette Stadium with so little planned space for championship banners.

Pa says winnin’ the AL East four years in a row is for showoffs.

If the Patriots defense insists on holding opponents to only 3 points a game..PTT!

Bruins set to report to Training Camp tomorrow. Stick tap to that.

Cakes are cooking for Mickey Hart, Leslie Visser, and Ludacris.

Woke Twitter can’t be happy the the Patriots decided to keep Gunner Arfifteenski, or whoever.

Are there two Doyle’s in JP? Because they can’t be closing the one I’m thinking of.

Bill O’ Brien is in his sixth season as HC of the HT? Whoa.

Using a gunshot victim as a human shield is a bad look, Red Sox.

Was that a 58 yard dink, or a 58 yard dunk from Brady on the TD pass to Dorsett? Asking for a friend.

That Bud Light king guy is a jerk. His kingdom needs a Cromwell. IMO.

And how about that college football game, eh? Wow!

My moles are telling me the last person finally got onto Route One from Lot P2 at Gillette.

Alls I’m saying is a lady GM for the Red Sox might be a direction to go, for reasons.

Burger King describing their Pretend Whopper or whatever as being made ‘from plants’ just sounds weird to my ears.

Vic Fangio must have thought he had the ‘New NFL head coach who’s name sounds like a mafia figure’ title sewn up, until Freddie Kitchens was hired two days later.

The new PGA Tour starts (checks notes) tomorrow? Can that be right?

This just in; Mike Lynch and Andrew Luck are still retired.

We know why 98.5 The Sports Hub Employees are bringing up 19-0 talk, and we don’t like it.

Dogs sure do seem to like roast beef. They really do.

Clay Buchholz will pitch against the Red Sox for the first time tomorrow. It’s enough to make one long for the time when the worst thing a local athlete could be accused of was stealing a mess of laptop computers.

A trade with the Jets? Now I’ve seen it all!

Honk if you remember Jim McCarthy on the Sports Huddle.

Best bet for this weekend: Brian Flores not getting his ‘Good For One Free Win Against Bill Belichick’ card punched, unlike Coach Matt and Coach Vrabes last season.


Broken BlueCheckmarks Bulletin – Antonio Brown Edition: Part 1

Those 11 words were the catalyst of what will forever be known to the Patriot fanbase as the #BlueCheckMeltdown day. September 7th, 2019. The day the Patriots officially broke NFL Twitter and their souls collectively. No matter how you may feel that this lightning rod of a wide receiver named Antonio Brown will be wearing the Flying Elvis circa 9/9/2019, the endless supply of butthurt will give you life parallel to photosynthesis on plants. Now it is quite predictable and understandable that layman fans would have a problem with this, and even try to play Moulder & Scully on the Interwebz by insinuating foul play on the part of the Patriots and AB. But it is quite another thing to see people who are being monetarily compensated to report sports news (and be unbiased) absolutely lose their fucking shit over this story. So come with me down the Blue Brick Road of Tears and grab your umbrella and ponchos. This is gonna be a bumpy ride.

Hmmmm…interesting. (hi, TennisBallHead Volin) This sure sounds like he’s accusing the Patriots of a major rules violation…he must certainly be able to provide some proof of tampering, you know being such a Big J Journalist. Oh, he can’t? Never mind.

Dead serious here: you think he wrote this Tweet to promote his podcast that nobody listens to? Oh wait! Here’s the answer!

ABP. Always. Be. Promotin’.

Image result for think of the children gif

Because if there’s one thing we all know, it’s that athletes are our only role models in society. I wonder what Mr. Antennas-For-Ears thought about Tyreek Hill getting an expension from the Chiefs? Or Kareem Hunt getting swooped up by the Browns? I’d say if your kids are in any way affected by a grown man on the teevee, you suck at parenting. That was my Dr. Phil moment of the day.

Ahh, this one is a gem. The NY Rag certainly isn’t one to hide their disdain for all things red, silver and blue. Deserve hell sounds something out of an M. Night Shamacrap movie. Not a lot else to be happy about in The City That Needs To Go To Sleep. For example…


Local sports man who gets 5 minute segment towards the end of local newscast has thoughts on things. Are you pretty much irrelevant on a national scale? Need some attention? Just talk about the Patriots! It’s a winning formula to get you the clickz ‘n viewz you need to get your 3 seconds of “fame”.

Last one for this edition (that’s right, there are so many brains that have been broken by this saga that this will be a 2, maybe 3 parter, watch this space). And this one comes to us for Mr. Preacher of the Church of Holier-Than-Thou, Tony Dungy.

A guy who hates people of another sexual orientation (one that his own son happened to be which may have been the cause of his untimely death) is telling the general public about AB. The same guy who had a WR on his team who was a drug kingpin, and a murderer. What a sanctimonious fraud. Everything he says is hypocritical trash.

That’s all for now. The Bulletin is now turning into an anthology. More crazy Tweets to come!


Welcome Back Students!

Welcome back to all the college and university students! And a particular welcome to out new crop of student interns, both in the Greater Boston area and elsewhere:

Liv M. Alberici – ’22 Northeastern University

Ericka Blair – ’21 Hillsdale College

Charlie Bogle – ’22 Boston University

Nathalie H. Bumppo – ’22 Wyoming State University

Zoila Castillo – ’22 Liberty University

Roscoe Conklin – ’22 Bob Jones University

Willis F.X. Coutu – ’21 Connecticut School of Broadcasting

Madison Anne Daudelin – ’22 University of Waterloo

Adam Dzodocz – ’22 Liberty University

Dana Enfield-Prescott – ’21 Boston College

Jocko D. Fergus – ’21 Grambling State University

Jonatha Firestone – ’22 Emerson College

Talbott Kibbe – ’22 Bob Jones University

Barrold Mudge – ’21 Bunker Hill Community College

Gilbert Q. Threepwood – ’22 Framingham State University

We hope to learn as much from you, as you do from us. Remember: Knowledge Is Good.


Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 9/4

Get back to school. But always remember; no moving trucks allowed on Storrow Drive.

Take a bow, Boston College Eagles.

It’s nonsense the NFL gifted the Bears & Packers the Thursday Night game instead of the Super Bowl Champions.

Enshrinement Weekend at the Basketball Hall of Fame won’t be the same without Coach Bill Fitch being in attendance. His presenter Larry Bird will be there, though.

Bruins captain’s practices? Yes: Bruins captain’s practices.

Has anyone besides me noticed that the Indianapolis Colts now have *two* former Patriots QB’s on their roster?

I’m starting to believe it’s true: you CAN never have too much pitching.

Raise your hand if you knew there was a ‘New Englander of the Year’ Award prior to learning Jerry Remy is a 2019 recipient. Thought so.

I was not offended by the Publix Hurricane Cake. Just wasn’t.

You take it easy on that sprained ankle, Jayson Tatum.

23-0 is still in play. Just sayin’.

I’m not sure what the Orange Theory is.

Rick Porcello has had a home run ball problem this season. There; I said it.

UMass Football is the Seinfeld Rental Car Agent of taking the lead.

Cakes are cooking for Valerie Perrine, Steve Jones, and Shaun White.

Yes; it’s too early to proclaim N’Keal Harry another Patriots first round bust due to injury.

Valerie Harper probably never heard of Wally Pipp.

Know this: Applebee’s owns riblets.

The Kansas City Chiefs seem the franchise most likely to want to end the ‘introduced as a team’ precedent in the Super Bowl.

I suppose if you lose to Auburn you can still stay in the top 25, Oregon. But don’t make a habit of it.

Rest in peace, Fastest Women on Four Wheels Jessi Combs.

Prediction: Do Your Job III will be better than the America’s Game about the 2018 Patriots.

Honk if you remember the Scotch ‘n Sirloin.

Congratulations on making the 53 man roster to Gunner Olszewski, late of Bemidji State University, which any college hockey fan knows is located in Minnesota.

Willie ‘Slim’ McCoy from south Alabama deserved his own Jim Croce song.

Nobody seems to want that last AL Wild Card spot.

Jerry paying Zeke just saved the season for millions of fantasy football team owners.

Best bet for the weekend? TV’s tuned to the unveiling of Banner #6.


Another Holiday Weekend Public Service Announcement

As we head into this Labor Day Weekend, take care not to fall victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is;

Never get involved in a land war in Asia. Slightly less well known is;

Never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line, and the blunder that should concern you;

Never get yourself arrested during a three-day weekend. Let’s be safe out there.


Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 8/28

Enjoy your stay at the BJBSJ beach house. Keep off the dunes.

It was a successful Players Weekend for the Red Sox, for once.

Don’t forget, it’s preseason for the public address system pumped-in crowd noise employees in Indianapolis, too.

Does anyone know how long the resumed rain delay game vs. Kansas City lasted?

Will the sequel to ‘Suck for Luck’ be ‘Two and Fourteen for Tua’?

Cakes are cooking for Peter Stormare, Jim Thome and Alex Lifeson.

Not a fan of Eric Reid.

Good work River Ridge, Louisiana winning the LLWS. USA! USA! USA!

The practice squad serves a purpose other than a place to stash players, yes?

You know, that Novak Djokovic has some big serves.

I just hope the Yankees win 109 regular season games, to help their devastated fans recover.

Yes, Coach Belichick had *no idea* Andrew Luck retired. That’s clearly what he said. No wonder he holds the media in such disdain.

Say what you will about Pete Sheppard; he would always let you borrow a ladder.

The Dolphins should always play in Foxboro in September, and always host the Patriots in December. How tough is that to understand?

Mexican President Portnoy’s non-response to the Ben Allbright flensing proves he’s the second most insecure successful person in the United States.

Gosh darn it Ted Johnson, you were supposed to remind me to DVR the VMA’s!

I can’t believe I wasn’t able to reserve the BJBSJ Beach House for the holiday weekend.

I’m considering taking up smoking. Does anyone know if there’s a podcast that rates the draw and flavor of various brands of cigarettes?

Kyle Van Noy has all the right enemies.

They couldn’t make Slap Shot today, what with political correctness. That, and Paul Newman being dead.

It’s too early for big bags of Halloween candy to be in stores. There; I said it.

Gronk! CBD’s! It’s funny because he has pain issues!

You can have the Butter and Sugar corn. I’ll take the Silver Queen.

JBJ’s monstrous 478 ft. home run in Coors just underscores how nonsensical Mantle’s “565 ft” homer is.

Time to watch out for school buses again.

Honk if you remember Downtown Crossing.

Anyone ever stood like an idiot with your hands under a public restroom faucet before realizing the water wasn’t sensor activated? No? Uh, yeah. Me neither.

This just in: Mike Lynch is still retired.

Best bet for the weekend: ice cream.


Another Pelt on the Wall


Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 8/21

The sand, it gets everywhere…

Best wishes to all involved in the 2019 WEEI/NESN Jimmy Fund Radio Telethon.

Great, now what am I supposed to do with my custom Dontrelle Inman Patriots jersey?

I’m starting to think Ben Allbright might not even be an American Indian.

This just in: Rafael Devers is quite the hitter.

Hoping for a player to relapse so you can then tweet at a D-list Sports Hub employee about it is pretty, pretty low.

Get well, get well soon Chris Sale.

The Celtics are in need of a new patch sponsor; what say you Honey Dew Donuts?

Aloha means ‘goodbye’, Alex Reimer. Aloha!

I call the third NFL preseason game ‘a dress rehearsal’.

Hindsight being 20/20, maybe the Red Sox should have gone over Baserunning Basics 101 during Spring Training.

Hey Almost-a-Coach Greg Bedard: how goes the investigation into what’s his bucket, that racist substitute teacher sofa scout you hired for your hyperlocal site?

Chase Winovich is a ‘high motor’ type.

Yankees are going to slug their way into the playoffs despite their pitching; can the Red Sox do the same?

Do I have to change the Gronkowski-based name of my fantasy football team? Asking for a friend.

Larry Bird retired this week back in 1992. Coincidentally, back doctors no longer prescribe ‘wear Converse Weapons that weigh 15 lbs. each every gameday.’

Where’s my Fall Preview issue of TV Guide?

People using Ryan Allen to bootstrap a referendum on Gostkowski? Yuck.

Can prop dogs unionize? Just asking the question.

News Item: Billie Eilish’s ‘Bad Boy’ dethrones the Lil Nas X/Billy Ray Cyrus collab ‘Old Town Road’ at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 after 19 weeks. The world I grew up in is gone.

If Twitter Eddie Andelman were the genuine article, he would have made sure to get the blue checkmark.

An object at rest cannot be stopped!

To be honest, I’d have been more impressed had Carli Lloyd booted that pigskin into a series of dustbins. Pip pip cheerio and all that.

Rex Chapman: hack, or content thief?

It’s the time of year where Matthew Slater vexes the pedantic when it comes to roster spot projections.

Coming into last night, Marcus Walden had held hitters to a .082 AVG since the All-Star break.

Cakes are baking for Kenny Rogers, BJ Upton, and Kacey Musgraves.

Fingers crossed Dave Brown invites some of his former Canned Heat bandmates to appear on the Entitled Town podcast.

Good job, good effort Barrington, Rhode Island Little Leaguers.

Confession: I have trouble telling the difference between Belgian Malinois and German Shepherds.

Honk if you remember Mr Big Toyland.

I hear tell Demaryius Thomas was taken off the PUP. Well then, PTT!

Best bet for the weekend: The Highland Street Foundation Free Fun Friday.


More Little-Known Beantown (and Foxborough) Sports Facts!

Pre-order your copy today!

Patriots QB/QT Tom Brady was drafted in the sixth round of the 2000 NFL Draft, with pick number 199!

Raymond Jean Borque originally wore sweater #7 for the Boston Bruins, switching to #77 when the team retired Phil Esposito’s #7!

Stephen Neal was a champion wrestler before he played football!

Red Sox Great Ted Williams was a Marine aviator, missing several MLB seasons due to military service in World War II and Korea!

For many years, women were not permitted to compete in the Boston Marathon!

The Patriots first AFC Championship won against Miami in January 1986, but the rallying cry ‘Squish the Fish’ is zoologically incorrect! Dolphins are not fish; rather, they are aquatic mammals!

The Boston Celtics parquet floor is made out of red oak, whereas the other NBA arenas all use rock maple flooring!

The Boston Bruins are an Original Six member of the National Hockey League!

Well-travelled NFL quarterback Ryan “Fitzmagic” Fitzpatrick attended Harvard University!

The Boston Celtics have won a NBA record 17 Championships!

Don Baylor was hit by 267 pitches during his MLB career!

Sportswriters Bob Ryan and Peter Gammons started working for The Boston Globe newspaper on the same day!

Patriots offensive tackle Sebastian Vollmer was born in Germany and speaks German fluently!

Red Sox third baseman Bill Mueller singled home pinch runner Dave Roberts in Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS!

Five Patriots fans were electrocuted after carrying a goal post removed from Sullivan Stadium after a playoff-clinching win versus Cincinnati in 1985!

The Beanpot is a collegiate ice hockey tournament among Northeastern University, Harvard University, Boston College, and Boston University!

Red Sox Great Roger Clemens named all his children with names starting with the letter ‘K’!

Bruins player Glen Wesley overshot an empty net in a 1990 playoff game against the Montreal Canadiens Edmonton Oilers!

Former Boston Herald writer John Tomase has never actually apologized for his untrue assertion that New England filmed the Rams walkthrough practice!

The Boston Red Sox were the last MLB team to integrate, when the late Pumpsie Green was brought in as a pinch runner in July of 1959!

Harvard once beat Yale in football, by a score of 29-29!

Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick’s favorite sport is not football, but lacrosse!

Red Sox Great Carl Yastrzemski played his entire 23 year career in Boston!

Legendary Celtics coach Arnold “Red” Auerbach once punched the owner of the St. Louis Hawks on the face!

The New England Patriots once suffered through a 1-15 season!

The basketball hoop rims at the TD Garden are exactly ten feet off the ground!

Harvard and Northeastern have never met in The Beanpot Final!

Follow Mr. Darden at @StdSportswriter on Twitter.


Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 8/14

Because even though it’s summertime, we have deadlines to make.

What was your LSAT Score?

Ten years of The Sports Hub. I remember thinking competition for WEEI would make both stations better, with the listeners being the biggest winners. Sigh.

More Red Sox players should try to go 6 for 6 in a game.

I’m comfortable still holding Mike Vrabel’s choice of college against him. Guilt by association, I know.

And it’s somewhat surprising how many Patriots superfans misspell his name.

So. Andrew Cashner. Welp.

New England Revolution getting hot at the right time.

Gleyber Torres must hate Baltimore more than The Donald does.

Speaking of Baltimore, the Ravens would like it to be known they are decidedly not afraid to come up here and play you.

Hearing Mia Khalifa only earned $12,000 in porn brings to mind the old joke that ends ‘Who paid you 25 cents?’ “Everybody.”

Are the Red Sox capable of playing at a .750 clip for the rest of the season? We shall see.

You’d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh at the Antonio Brown situation out in Oakland.

Inspector Renault is shocked, shocked to hear of accusations of cheating in the Little League World Series.

The Dominican Republic’s Attorney General announced that Jeffrey Epstein committing suicide was a case of mistaken identification.

Can anyone tell me how old the Patriots starting quarterback is? Thanks, I will hang up and listen.

I wonder if you counted the organs harvested from Cooper if Peyton Manning still isn’t the oldest QB to win a Super Bowl.

Mina Kimes is an American treasure. There, I said it.

WEEI’s Ken Laird can be forgiven for his intemperate remarks made on Pittsburgh radio; how was he to know people would be listening? That’s a new experience for him.

Why do I confuse Jenna Dewan and Lauren Cohan?

If you’re headed to Saratoga tomorrow, it might be worth $2 to bet on Pharoah Cat in Race 4.

Cakes are cooking for Gary Larson, Magic Johnson and Tim Tebow.

Andrew Luck is one missed start away from becoming ‘the oft-injured Andrew Luck.’

You can have Hellenic College, I’ll take The Ristuccia Memorial Arena.

Ironically, I was told that gaslighting was a good thing. Crazy, right?

I’m wiling to give this Greg Hill Morning Show a fair shake. But first impressions and all that.

Honk if you remember Muzz & JF.

We don’t deserve dogs, and luckily, deserves got nothing to do with it.

Best bet for the weekend? Dingers in Williamsport, Pennsylvania.