Welcome Back Students!

Welcome back to all the college and university students! And a particular welcome to out new crop of student interns, both in the Greater Boston area and elsewhere:

Liv M. Alberici – ’22 Northeastern University

Ericka Blair – ’21 Hillsdale College

Charlie Bogle – ’22 Boston University

Nathalie H. Bumppo – ’22 Wyoming State University

Zoila Castillo – ’22 Liberty University

Roscoe Conklin – ’22 Bob Jones University

Willis F.X. Coutu – ’21 Connecticut School of Broadcasting

Madison Anne Daudelin – ’22 University of Waterloo

Adam Dzodocz – ’22 Liberty University

Dana Enfield-Prescott – ’21 Boston College

Jocko D. Fergus – ’21 Grambling State University

Jonatha Firestone – ’22 Emerson College

Talbott Kibbe – ’22 Bob Jones University

Barrold Mudge – ’21 Bunker Hill Community College

Gilbert Q. Threepwood – ’22 Framingham State University

We hope to learn as much from you, as you do from us. Remember: Knowledge Is Good.

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Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 9/4

Get back to school. But always remember; no moving trucks allowed on Storrow Drive.

Take a bow, Boston College Eagles.

It’s nonsense the NFL gifted the Bears & Packers the Thursday Night game instead of the Super Bowl Champions.

Enshrinement Weekend at the Basketball Hall of Fame won’t be the same without Coach Bill Fitch being in attendance. His presenter Larry Bird will be there, though.

Bruins captain’s practices? Yes: Bruins captain’s practices.

Has anyone besides me noticed that the Indianapolis Colts now have *two* former Patriots QB’s on their roster?

I’m starting to believe it’s true: you CAN never have too much pitching.

Raise your hand if you knew there was a ‘New Englander of the Year’ Award prior to learning Jerry Remy is a 2019 recipient. Thought so.

I was not offended by the Publix Hurricane Cake. Just wasn’t.

You take it easy on that sprained ankle, Jayson Tatum.

23-0 is still in play. Just sayin’.

I’m not sure what the Orange Theory is.

Rick Porcello has had a home run ball problem this season. There; I said it.

UMass Football is the Seinfeld Rental Car Agent of taking the lead.

Cakes are cooking for Valerie Perrine, Steve Jones, and Shaun White.

Yes; it’s too early to proclaim N’Keal Harry another Patriots first round bust due to injury.

Valerie Harper probably never heard of Wally Pipp.

Know this: Applebee’s owns riblets.

The Kansas City Chiefs seem the franchise most likely to want to end the ‘introduced as a team’ precedent in the Super Bowl.

I suppose if you lose to Auburn you can still stay in the top 25, Oregon. But don’t make a habit of it.

Rest in peace, Fastest Women on Four Wheels Jessi Combs.

Prediction: Do Your Job III will be better than the America’s Game about the 2018 Patriots.

Honk if you remember the Scotch ‘n Sirloin.

Congratulations on making the 53 man roster to Gunner Olszewski, late of Bemidji State University, which any college hockey fan knows is located in Minnesota.

Willie ‘Slim’ McCoy from south Alabama deserved his own Jim Croce song.

Nobody seems to want that last AL Wild Card spot.

Jerry paying Zeke just saved the season for millions of fantasy football team owners.

Best bet for the weekend? TV’s tuned to the unveiling of Banner #6.

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Another Holiday Weekend Public Service Announcement

As we head into this Labor Day Weekend, take care not to fall victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is;

Never get involved in a land war in Asia. Slightly less well known is;

Never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line, and the blunder that should concern you;

Never get yourself arrested during a three-day weekend. Let’s be safe out there.

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Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 8/28

Enjoy your stay at the BJBSJ beach house. Keep off the dunes.

It was a successful Players Weekend for the Red Sox, for once.

Don’t forget, it’s preseason for the public address system pumped-in crowd noise employees in Indianapolis, too.

Does anyone know how long the resumed rain delay game vs. Kansas City lasted?

Will the sequel to ‘Suck for Luck’ be ‘Two and Fourteen for Tua’?

Cakes are cooking for Peter Stormare, Jim Thome and Alex Lifeson.

Not a fan of Eric Reid.

Good work River Ridge, Louisiana winning the LLWS. USA! USA! USA!

The practice squad serves a purpose other than a place to stash players, yes?

You know, that Novak Djokovic has some big serves.

I just hope the Yankees win 109 regular season games, to help their devastated fans recover.

Yes, Coach Belichick had *no idea* Andrew Luck retired. That’s clearly what he said. No wonder he holds the media in such disdain.

Say what you will about Pete Sheppard; he would always let you borrow a ladder.

The Dolphins should always play in Foxboro in September, and always host the Patriots in December. How tough is that to understand?

Mexican President Portnoy’s non-response to the Ben Allbright flensing proves he’s the second most insecure successful person in the United States.

Gosh darn it Ted Johnson, you were supposed to remind me to DVR the VMA’s!

I can’t believe I wasn’t able to reserve the BJBSJ Beach House for the holiday weekend.

I’m considering taking up smoking. Does anyone know if there’s a podcast that rates the draw and flavor of various brands of cigarettes?

Kyle Van Noy has all the right enemies.

They couldn’t make Slap Shot today, what with political correctness. That, and Paul Newman being dead.

It’s too early for big bags of Halloween candy to be in stores. There; I said it.

Gronk! CBD’s! It’s funny because he has pain issues!

You can have the Butter and Sugar corn. I’ll take the Silver Queen.

JBJ’s monstrous 478 ft. home run in Coors just underscores how nonsensical Mantle’s “565 ft” homer is.

Time to watch out for school buses again.

Honk if you remember Downtown Crossing.

Anyone ever stood like an idiot with your hands under a public restroom faucet before realizing the water wasn’t sensor activated? No? Uh, yeah. Me neither.

This just in: Mike Lynch is still retired.

Best bet for the weekend: ice cream.

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Another Pelt on the Wall

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Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 8/21

The sand, it gets everywhere…

Best wishes to all involved in the 2019 WEEI/NESN Jimmy Fund Radio Telethon.

Great, now what am I supposed to do with my custom Dontrelle Inman Patriots jersey?

I’m starting to think Ben Allbright might not even be an American Indian.

This just in: Rafael Devers is quite the hitter.

Hoping for a player to relapse so you can then tweet at a D-list Sports Hub employee about it is pretty, pretty low.

Get well, get well soon Chris Sale.

The Celtics are in need of a new patch sponsor; what say you Honey Dew Donuts?

Aloha means ‘goodbye’, Alex Reimer. Aloha!

I call the third NFL preseason game ‘a dress rehearsal’.

Hindsight being 20/20, maybe the Red Sox should have gone over Baserunning Basics 101 during Spring Training.

Hey Almost-a-Coach Greg Bedard: how goes the investigation into what’s his bucket, that racist substitute teacher sofa scout you hired for your hyperlocal site?

Chase Winovich is a ‘high motor’ type.

Yankees are going to slug their way into the playoffs despite their pitching; can the Red Sox do the same?

Do I have to change the Gronkowski-based name of my fantasy football team? Asking for a friend.

Larry Bird retired this week back in 1992. Coincidentally, back doctors no longer prescribe ‘wear Converse Weapons that weigh 15 lbs. each every gameday.’

Where’s my Fall Preview issue of TV Guide?

People using Ryan Allen to bootstrap a referendum on Gostkowski? Yuck.

Can prop dogs unionize? Just asking the question.

News Item: Billie Eilish’s ‘Bad Boy’ dethrones the Lil Nas X/Billy Ray Cyrus collab ‘Old Town Road’ at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 after 19 weeks. The world I grew up in is gone.

If Twitter Eddie Andelman were the genuine article, he would have made sure to get the blue checkmark.

An object at rest cannot be stopped!

To be honest, I’d have been more impressed had Carli Lloyd booted that pigskin into a series of dustbins. Pip pip cheerio and all that.

Rex Chapman: hack, or content thief?

It’s the time of year where Matthew Slater vexes the pedantic when it comes to roster spot projections.

Coming into last night, Marcus Walden had held hitters to a .082 AVG since the All-Star break.

Cakes are baking for Kenny Rogers, BJ Upton, and Kacey Musgraves.

Fingers crossed Dave Brown invites some of his former Canned Heat bandmates to appear on the Entitled Town podcast.

Good job, good effort Barrington, Rhode Island Little Leaguers.

Confession: I have trouble telling the difference between Belgian Malinois and German Shepherds.

Honk if you remember Mr Big Toyland.

I hear tell Demaryius Thomas was taken off the PUP. Well then, PTT!

Best bet for the weekend: The Highland Street Foundation Free Fun Friday.

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More Little-Known Beantown (and Foxborough) Sports Facts!

Pre-order your copy today!

Patriots QB/QT Tom Brady was drafted in the sixth round of the 2000 NFL Draft, with pick number 199!

Raymond Jean Borque originally wore sweater #7 for the Boston Bruins, switching to #77 when the team retired Phil Esposito’s #7!

Stephen Neal was a champion wrestler before he played football!

Red Sox Great Ted Williams was a Marine aviator, missing several MLB seasons due to military service in World War II and Korea!

For many years, women were not permitted to compete in the Boston Marathon!

The Patriots first AFC Championship won against Miami in January 1986, but the rallying cry ‘Squish the Fish’ is zoologically incorrect! Dolphins are not fish; rather, they are aquatic mammals!

The Boston Celtics parquet floor is made out of red oak, whereas the other NBA arenas all use rock maple flooring!

The Boston Bruins are an Original Six member of the National Hockey League!

Well-travelled NFL quarterback Ryan “Fitzmagic” Fitzpatrick attended Harvard University!

The Boston Celtics have won a NBA record 17 Championships!

Don Baylor was hit by 267 pitches during his MLB career!

Sportswriters Bob Ryan and Peter Gammons started working for The Boston Globe newspaper on the same day!

Patriots offensive tackle Sebastian Vollmer was born in Germany and speaks German fluently!

Red Sox third baseman Bill Mueller singled home pinch runner Dave Roberts in Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS!

Five Patriots fans were electrocuted after carrying a goal post removed from Sullivan Stadium after a playoff-clinching win versus Cincinnati in 1985!

The Beanpot is a collegiate ice hockey tournament among Northeastern University, Harvard University, Boston College, and Boston University!

Red Sox Great Roger Clemens named all his children with names starting with the letter ‘K’!

Bruins player Glen Wesley overshot an empty net in a 1990 playoff game against the Montreal Canadiens Edmonton Oilers!

Former Boston Herald writer John Tomase has never actually apologized for his untrue assertion that New England filmed the Rams walkthrough practice!

The Boston Red Sox were the last MLB team to integrate, when the late Pumpsie Green was brought in as a pinch runner in July of 1959!

Harvard once beat Yale in football, by a score of 29-29!

Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick’s favorite sport is not football, but lacrosse!

Red Sox Great Carl Yastrzemski played his entire 23 year career in Boston!

Legendary Celtics coach Arnold “Red” Auerbach once punched the owner of the St. Louis Hawks on the face!

The New England Patriots once suffered through a 1-15 season!

The basketball hoop rims at the TD Garden are exactly ten feet off the ground!

Harvard and Northeastern have never met in The Beanpot Final!

Follow Mr. Darden at @StdSportswriter on Twitter.

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Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 8/14

Because even though it’s summertime, we have deadlines to make.

What was your LSAT Score?

Ten years of The Sports Hub. I remember thinking competition for WEEI would make both stations better, with the listeners being the biggest winners. Sigh.

More Red Sox players should try to go 6 for 6 in a game.

I’m comfortable still holding Mike Vrabel’s choice of college against him. Guilt by association, I know.

And it’s somewhat surprising how many Patriots superfans misspell his name.

So. Andrew Cashner. Welp.

New England Revolution getting hot at the right time.

Gleyber Torres must hate Baltimore more than The Donald does.

Speaking of Baltimore, the Ravens would like it to be known they are decidedly not afraid to come up here and play you.

Hearing Mia Khalifa only earned $12,000 in porn brings to mind the old joke that ends ‘Who paid you 25 cents?’ “Everybody.”

Are the Red Sox capable of playing at a .750 clip for the rest of the season? We shall see.

You’d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh at the Antonio Brown situation out in Oakland.

Inspector Renault is shocked, shocked to hear of accusations of cheating in the Little League World Series.

The Dominican Republic’s Attorney General announced that Jeffrey Epstein committing suicide was a case of mistaken identification.

Can anyone tell me how old the Patriots starting quarterback is? Thanks, I will hang up and listen.

I wonder if you counted the organs harvested from Cooper if Peyton Manning still isn’t the oldest QB to win a Super Bowl.

Mina Kimes is an American treasure. There, I said it.

WEEI’s Ken Laird can be forgiven for his intemperate remarks made on Pittsburgh radio; how was he to know people would be listening? That’s a new experience for him.

Why do I confuse Jenna Dewan and Lauren Cohan?

If you’re headed to Saratoga tomorrow, it might be worth $2 to bet on Pharoah Cat in Race 4.

Cakes are cooking for Gary Larson, Magic Johnson and Tim Tebow.

Andrew Luck is one missed start away from becoming ‘the oft-injured Andrew Luck.’

You can have Hellenic College, I’ll take The Ristuccia Memorial Arena.

Ironically, I was told that gaslighting was a good thing. Crazy, right?

I’m wiling to give this Greg Hill Morning Show a fair shake. But first impressions and all that.

Honk if you remember Muzz & JF.

We don’t deserve dogs, and luckily, deserves got nothing to do with it.

Best bet for the weekend? Dingers in Williamsport, Pennsylvania.

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Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer 8/7

A pool and a pond.

Because if you don’t clean it out the numrods will get stagntic..

We made it to August, gang. Pro Football returns soon. Tomorrow, to be precise.

If you think about it, no team really defends a championship.

Did Tom Brady Sr. donate hair follicles to Dr. Leonard? Just askin’.

That Sam Kennedy is doing a bang up job as WEEI Program Director.

This upcoming MLB Players Weekend has a very Office Space “Oh, and Friday is Hawaiian shirt day!” vibe to it. IMO.

I don’t foresee any overreaction the the news Tom and Gisele want to sell their Brookline property. At all.

Red Sox are gonna win eight in a row and get right back into this thing.

Apparently something is going on with Kirk Minihane and his new podcast home at Barstool Sports and yawn. Don’t care; can’t make me care.

Someone should do a podcast about how entitled local sports fans have become.

Springfield’s Own Nick Buoniconti seemed to be too decent a guy to have been a ’72 Dolphin.

Curran should have called the Brady household and warned Benny that another team-friendly deal means no new Lego sets ever.

That Hobbs and Shaw move looks preposterous. There; I said it.

People claiming the Red Sox problem is the bullpen may lack a basic understanding of the term ‘bullpen’.

I sometime wonder if that poor Kennedy family is cursed.

So can a growing disconnect be like a collapsed lung?

So because of one turtle with a cocaine problem, no one can have regular straws anymore?

You can tell a lot about a player by their reaction to a joint practice.

Cakes are cooking today for Bruce Dickinson and Mike Trout.

If Tom Brady wanted to, I bet he could find some great real estate bargains on Cape Cod what with everyone taking Plain Black Hat Zookeeper’s advice and abandoning the area.

Four Celtics on the Team USA roster? Fine by me.

Popovich/Kerr 2020! Who’s with me?

You can have Elisabeth Moss, I’ll take Carrie Anne Moss.

When are they going to start construction of the Wahlburgers on the MGM Springfield property? People want to know!

All the dogs that were named after Tedy Bruschi are most likely dead by now. That makes me sad.

Add CFL free agent Taquan Houseboat to my list of Favorite Sports Names.

Honk if you remember Scammy Jenkins.

So which Fantasy Football guide magazine is the best to buy right now?

Have a safe Victory Day next Monday, Ocean Staters.

Best bet for the weekend; thunderstorms.

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In Memowiam: Mensa Matt

Our poor sweet prince.

He’s gone. And we couldn’t do nothing about it.

Yeah, he threatened to brutally murder Verizon employees, but who hasn’t? Especially one day after pledging to be more gentle and patient.

Was this wrong to say?

All we can do now is hope he finds his way back to us and enjoy this collage of the fun he provided us. It’s for the good times.

Ray Price for the good times, babe.

Keep reading, pal.

Back off, numrod.

His own worst enemy.

You’re in safe hands.


Don’t be sad. We’re cewebrating the laughs he gave us.

Damn.

What up y’all?

He gave us so much. The only one he couldn’t save was himself.

Matt was a Twitter masterpiece.

On Matt’s final night before Twitter excommunication, he had some valuable words. Unfortunately he gave the advice to David Price without heeding it himself.

This is but a small fraction of the gold Mensa Matt gave us. The best way to honor him is to always remember what he believed in most:

PASTA IS A GOOD KID!

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